


Prince of Alderaan

by Ravenheartwolf



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternative Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Join the First Order, Angry Ben Solo, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Ben Solo Angst, Ben Solo Has Issues, Ben Solo is Not Nice, Chaotic Neutral Kylo Ren, Dark Side Ben Solo, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Choking (Star Wars), Force Lightning (Star Wars), Friends to Lovers, Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Lightsaber Battles (Star Wars), Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Not Canon Compliant, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Rating May Change, Sith Holocrons (Star Wars), Skywalker Family Drama (Star Wars), Slow Burn Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars), Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), ben solo centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:20:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 69,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28739400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenheartwolf/pseuds/Ravenheartwolf
Summary: Powerful enough to tip the balance for either side, Ben Solo is chased by both the Resistance and the First Order. Rey, an old friend of his, finds him first, but getting him to help the Resistance won't be easy.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 40
Kudos: 67
Collections: Kylo/Ben’s POV





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-upload. I've had someone look it over and reworked it to hopefully make it flow better. Thanks to Ivanna for taking a look at it.

[](https://imgur.com/PmwqXKx)

Ben Solo climbed out of the rubble of the destroy hut. He stared at the pile of stone and straw as images of his uncle standing over him not mere moments ago flashed in his mind. For a moment, he thought he’d killed his uncle. He half feared, half hoped he had. He closed his eyes and sensed his uncle’s presence beneath the wreckage. Shaking his head, he turned around.

_I need to get out of here._

_Yes._ Snoke’s voice whispered in his head. _They won’t believe Skywalker tried to kill you. Better to flee and come to me. I’ll protect you. Finish your training._

Ben ran his fingers through his hair as he scanned his surroundings. He knew he needed to leave this place before the others woke up. There weren’t many ways to leave the planet. The few ships remaining near the Academy were old and weren’t flyable. They were used mainly to practice lifting heavy objects. 

“Ben!” A voice alerted him to the presence of another. “I felt a disturbance. What happened?”

The boy, barely seventeen, hurried toward him. He spotted the remains of the hut and skidded to a stop. Blinking, he looked from the ruins to him. His gaze dropped to the saber Ben held in his hand.

“What happened?” He asked again. 

Ben looked down at the blue blade he had forgotten he held. His heart hammered in his chest as he realized what it’d look like. He shook his head and backed away. 

More padawans hurried out of their huts and he fought a rising panic. He wanted to explain, tell them his own uncle tried to kill him. His gaze went to each of their faces as they drew closer. Concern, wariness, and shock radiated from each of them. He knew all of them, trained with all of them. 

His gaze settled on a girl of thirteen. Her dark brown hair fell over her shoulder in a single braid. She stared at him, her brow furrowed. She didn’t look at the others nor the destroyed building a few feet from them. From the moment she’d first arrived, he’d sensed a loneliness within her that matched his own. If any of the padawans here would listen to him, it was her. 

“Rey.” He stepped toward her, wanting to tell her what happened.

“Where’s Master Luke?” The first boy shouted at him. “Is he under that rubble? Did you do this?”

More voices and shouts of anger, more demanding of answers. Ben stared at the debris, willing his uncle to climb out and show them he was still alive. Narrowing his eyes, he raised his hand to lift the rocks off his uncle.

Lightsabers ignited around him and he realized then he made a mistake. He stared at the padawans, blue and green glowing across their faces. His gaze fell once again on Rey. She hadn’t drawn her saber against him and a small amount of hope welled within him.

“You killed him.” A young woman close to his age shouted at him. “You murdered Master Luke!”

He glared at her. “He tried to kill me.”

“He must’ve had a reason.” The first boy twirled his saber. “Master Luke wouldn’t harm anyone without a reason.”

“You fell to the dark side.” Another padawan shouted as she stepped toward him. “He always said you would!”

She attacked him with a swing of her green saber. He ducked under it and shoved his hand out. She fell backward, hitting another padawan behind her. The two crashed to the ground and the rest charged toward him. He ignited his saber and blocked as many blows as he could. One sliced across his left arm and he gritted his teeth to keep from crying out. 

He Force pushed the attacker away from him and spun to block two blows from padawans, who charged him at the same time. He shoved the blades away, kicked at one of them, then spun and Force pushed the rest away from him. 

Ben spun on his heel and raced away from the group. He didn’t want to kill any of them, but he knew if they kept at him, he wouldn’t have a choice. They thought he’d fallen to the dark side. His own uncle believed he’d fallen. His stomach churned as he fought back the tears welling in his eyes.

_After this, Luke wouldn’t have any more doubts. If he had any to begin with._

Ben spotted his uncle’s X-Wing sitting at the edge of the Academy’s grounds. A bubble of relief rose up within him and he picked up his pace. If he could get to the ship, he could escape. He could be free of this place and go where he wanted.

“Ben!” A voice yelled behind him. “Get back here.”

He didn’t look back, his focus solely on the ship and escape. A lightsaber flew by him and he jolted to the side. He stumbled, but caught his balance. The blade spun back toward him. He ignited his weapon and raised it to block the saber soaring toward him. The blade bounced off his saber and dropped to the ground. He spun to face his attackers.

The seventeen-year-old raised his hand and the saber on the ground flew toward the boy. He twirled the weapon and went into a fighting stance. The other padawans took up positions beside the youth and raised their sabers.

“My uncle is still alive.” Ben told them as he kept his saber pointing downward. He scanned the group for Rey, but didn’t see her. He didn’t know if he should be relieved or worried she wasn’t amongst the group.

_She could’ve calmed them down. She could’ve helped me prove the truth to them._

He shook his head. _They could hurt her for standing up for me. They would shun her, too._

“No one else came out of that rubble, but you.” The youth snarled. “Face up to your actions, Solo. You killed your uncle.”

Anger welled within him then. Anger at his uncle, at the padawans, at his parents. At Snoke for putting dark thoughts in his head and increasing the darkness already inside him. He knew there’d been darkness within him. Had sensed it the moment he realized he welded the Force. He’d tried to understand it. Then he tried to hide it when he knew his mother feared him, feared the darkness inside him. 

He gave into his anger and sent a Force wave at the padawans. Every one of them flew backward. They slammed into the ground at different locations and some continued to roll further away. He didn’t bother to check to see if any of them got up. Without looking back, he headed for the X-Wing.

He climbed up into the cockpit and started up the engines. He pulled the helmet over his head and lowered the cockpit’s cover. A tingle spread through him and his hair stood on end. He looked down and saw Rey staring up at him.

Regret filled him. He knew leaving her would condemn them both to a life filled with loneliness. He couldn’t stay and he couldn’t take her with him. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, hoping she understood. 

She raised her hand and he wondered if she was waving to him or attempting to hold the ship in place. Movement behind her caught his attention and he narrowed his eyes. Cursing, he turned from the sad-eyed girl and guided the ship up into the air. He didn’t look back as he piloted the X-Wing into space. 

_Come to me._ Snoke’s voice whispered in his head. _I’ll help you finish your training._

“No.” Ben growled.

_There’s nowhere else for you to go, boy._ Snoke snarled in his head. _Your parents won’t take you back. They fear you. They believe you’ll be just like your grandfather._

Ben narrowed his eyes. His parents had told him of his grandfather, a man named Anakin Skywalker. They told him how heroic he was, how he was a Jedi. When he was older, before they sent him to be with his uncle, he’d heard his mother speak of someone named Darth Vader and how she feared Ben would be like him. Sending him to Luke had been her effort to keep his darkness at bay. 

“I don’t need you.” He snarled at the voice in his head. Gritting his teeth, he typed in the coordinates to Korriban he found in one of Luke’s many texts. He’d been fascinated by the planet’s history and its mysteries. He’d wondered why his uncle kept such information. When he’d asked, his uncle had told him that kind of knowledge wasn’t for him. If everyone he knew believed he fell to the dark side, then he’d fall. At least the dark side would accept him. 

_Six Years Later_

The planet Nithian

Ben reconnected the new navicomputer he’d bought in the city into the ancient X-Wing. He’d been surprised to even find a part for the old ship, let alone one he needed. He shoved the device back into its slot and turned it on. Holding his breath, he waited for the computer to boot up. If it’d boot up. After a few moments, the screen flickered on and he breathed a sigh of relief.

He leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. Of all the things his father had taught him, fixing ships had been the most useful. It’d taken him years just to find all the parts that needed to be replaced. Not counting the years he’d spent on Korriban learning the ways of the Sith. It was the perfect thumb in the eye to his uncle after years of lectures and speeches about the dark side. For thinking he was already heading in that direction, even though he’d tried his best to ignore the darkness within him.

_Look at you now._ The voice he’d heard for years whispered in his head. _Your training is almost complete._

“Shut up.” Ben snarled as he climbed out of the ship. “I’m not coming to you.”

_Then I’ll come to you._ Snoke’s voice growled. _Your place is with me._

“I’m done listening to you.” He ignited his saber even though there wasn’t anyone to fight. The hilt felt good in his hand as the growling and crackling calmed him.

Snoke’s chuckle resounded in his mind. _I’m in your head, boy. You can’t ignore me. You will join me._

Ben narrowed his eyes. He’d tried many times to block the voice in his head, but Snoke always found a way around his mental barriers. He wanted the man out of his mind and out of his life. Snoke had tormented him for nearly three decades. 

At first, he’d been afraid, believed he’d gone insane from the darkness within. Snoke had calmed him, coaxed him into accepting him as a friend, a teacher. Even as he trained under Luke, Snoke whispered to him how the dark side wasn’t something to be feared. Told him it’d give him power greater than any Jedi could even dream of. Wanting his uncle’s acceptance, he’d held his darkness at bay for as long as he could. 

Ben shook the memories from his mind and deactivated his saber. He clipped it to his belt and strode across the field to the small house he’d built. It was a simple one story structure made of both wood and stone with a flat roof. 

Inside, the scent of spices and cooking meat wafted to his nose. Warmth from the fireplace filled the space. The light of the setting sun poured in from the single window opened to reveal the forest. Beneath the window sat a wooden table with a single chair. 

On his left, a short wall of stone separated the main living area from the bedroom. A simple bed took up most of the space in the small room. His black robes draped over a chair positioned in a corner of the room. 

Ben strode to the fireplace and removed a kettle from the flames. He grabbed a bowl from the mantle and poured a portion of the stew into it. He placed the kettle back in the flames, then grabbed a spoon off the mantle.

Sitting at the table, his gaze fell on a red and black pyramid resting across from him. He’d taken it from the Sith Academy on Korriban years ago. He didn’t know why he’d taken the holocron, but he’d sensed the dark side flowing from it. It whispered to him, compelled him, and he couldn’t help but take it. He hadn’t opened it, though. He wasn’t afraid to, but something in the back of his mind warned him not to. Maybe it was a remnant of his uncle’s chiding him about the dark side. He’d had dreams of opening it and once even woke up to find himself reaching for it. 

Growling, he lifted his hand and called it to him. The holocron flew into his hand. It glowed a deep crimson and a hum vibrated in his head. He narrowed his eyes and the device trembled in his hand. Demanding voices whispered in his head, enticing him to open it. 

“Why do you call to me?” Ben demanded as he wrapped his fingers tighter around the pyramid. “What do you want of me?”

The whispers grew louder, more persistent, but he couldn’t understand a word they said. Gritting his teeth, he threw the holocron across the room where it slammed into the short wall and crashed to the floor. The holocron didn’t break, much to his dismay. 

“I’ll drop you in the lake tomorrow.” He growled as he returned to his stew.

A tingle rippled down his spine and his hand froze midway to his mouth. He stared at the holocron, but this sensation wasn’t similar, it wasn’t even close. It was familiar, but nothing like what he’d felt on Korriban. No, this feeling called forth older memories, memories he thought he’d forgotten.

Ben stood, tossed his spoon into the bowl, and stepped outside. He ignited his lightsaber and scanned his surroundings. Stepping forward, he eyed the nearby trees, but didn’t see any movement. He reached out through the Force, searching for the strange, yet familiar sensation. 

The tingle grew stronger and he stopped in his tracks. Heart pounding in his chest, he realized where he’d felt that sensation before. He stared into the shadows of the trees as the presence drew closer. 

_Why are you here?_ He stalked toward the presence. _How did you find me?_

He thought he’d never feel, let alone see any of Luke’s other students after he’d fled that night. He’d never thought he’d come across her again. She’d been thirteen the last time he’d seen her. Big hazel eyes in a face freckled by too much time in the sun. She loved the outside and made it a point to spend as much time outdoors as possible. Even back then, she’d been powerful in the Force. Almost as powerful as him. How strong would she be now? 

“Rey!” Ben shouted into dimming light. “I know you’re there. Show yourself!”

The bushes on his right rustled and he twirled his saber. Moving into a fighting stance, he raised his saber to stare down the crimson blade at the shadows.

A figure stepped out of the forest and his eyes widened. Standing before him wasn’t the thirteen-year-old he remembered. Instead, a woman strode toward him, her hand gripping an unignited lightsaber. A gray garment crisscrossed her breasts and flowed out behind her. Gray pants hugged her hips and legs and were tucked into beige boots. His mouth watered as he dragged his gaze back up to her face framed by dark hair that caressed her shoulders.

“You grew up.” He was grateful his voice didn’t falter.

“So did you.” Her gaze raked over him and fire flared to life within him. He gritted his teeth against it to no avail. 

“How did you find me?” He growled as he took a step toward her. “Why are you here?”

Rey raised her chin and a crease formed between her brows. He watched as emotions traversed her eyes. Worry, determination, and unease radiated from her. 

“Luke said you fell to the dark side.” Her gaze flicked to his red spitting saber, then back to him. “Looks like he was right.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “Is that why you’re here? You wanted to see if everyone was right? How the hell did you find me?”

Rey sighed and worried her bottom lip. He’d seen her do it many times when she fretted over something Luke said to her or if she thought she didn’t perform a move well. The urge to comfort her like he’d done all those years ago welled inside him. 

“I searched for your presence in the Force and followed it.” She turned her gaze back to him. “Your presence is darker, but it is still familiar.”

Ben closed his eyes and cursed. He didn’t think to mask his aura in the Force. He hadn’t believed anyone would search for him, let alone search for him through the Force. Believed no one cared to look for him.

“You found me.” He deactivated his saber, but didn’t let down his guard. “Anyone else with you?”

“I came on the _Millennium Falcon_.” She stepped closer. He narrowed his eyes and his finger twitched over the button of his hilt. She halted and stared at the saber in his hand.

“My father is with you?” He growled, not wanting to see his father or anyone else. He wasn’t in the mood for a family reunion. Why would any of them even care what happened to him? They were the ones who tossed him to his uncle and didn’t bother to check up on him since then.

“He wanted to come, but Leia didn’t think it’d be a good idea.”

Ben’s grip on his saber tightened. “She sent you? Why?”

Rey sighed and took another step toward him. She was so close; close enough to touch. Close enough to see the wetness in her eyes. 

“She wants you to come home.” Rey answered. “You’ve been gone long enough.”

He laughed and she blinked at him. She took a step back as if he’d gone insane. Maybe he had. He ran a hand through his hair, then spun on his heel.

“I’m not going back.” Ben snapped as he yanked open the door and stepped into his house. “She threw me away once. I’m not giving her a chance to do it again.”

“Ben!” Rey shouted after him.

He turned to slam the door in her face, but she pushed through, knocking him backward. He stumbled back, but caught his balance. Glaring at her, he ignited his saber.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey stared at the man before her. Dressed head to toe in black, he aimed his red saber at her. It crackled and spat, causing a red glow in his dark eyes. Wavy black hair brushed his shoulders and fell into his eyes. The last time she’d seen him, he’d stolen his uncle’s X-Wing. She hadn’t understood why he left, why the others had attacked him. She’d heard their accusations, but hadn’t believed it. Luke’s presence could still be felt in the Force. Why couldn’t they sense it? Were they too blinded by fear to realize Ben hadn’t killed his uncle?

It hadn’t mattered. He had left and she was alone. The one person who understood her, who had comforted her when she was frustrated or upset. 

She fought the instinct to switch on her saber. She didn’t want to set him off even more. Anger emanated from him, hot and volatile. Her breath caught and her fingers flexed around the hilt. His gaze dropped to her hand and she placed the weapon back on her belt.

“I’m not here to fight you.” She kept her hands away from her sides. “Come back with me.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I told you, I’m not going back. Turn around and leave.”

Sighing, she ran a hand through her hair. Leia told her not to come back without him. She didn’t want to fail in this mission, but if he refused to return with her, forcing him would only make things worse. Still, Leia had sent her to find him. 

“You were the only friend I had at the Academy.” She blurted. He blinked and she knew she had his attention. “After you left, I was alone. Luke climbed out of that hut, much to everyone’s relief. We were attacked later that night.”

His eye twitched, but he said nothing. It was the only sign he even heard her. The screams still echoed in her mind at night. She closed her eyes, longing for him to comfort her like he had all those years ago. 

“Luke and I were the only ones who survived.” She whispered as tears welled in her eyes. “They set fire to the buildings and left.”

“Do you know who they were?” His voice was soft, soothing. It brought back memories of the times they spent talking beneath the stars. The times he comforted her when she thought she wasn’t good enough or the loneliness threatened to overwhelm her.

“No.”

Ben lowered his saber and deactivated it. Hope strengthened within her and she stepped toward him. He backed away from her and pointed at the fireplace.

“Are you hungry?” He asked.

The scent of spices and meat wafted to her nose. Her stomach growled and heat flooded her face. She’d been tracking him for days. When was the last time she ate? Had she even eaten sometime between leaving the base and now? She couldn’t remember.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” He strode over to the fireplace and removed a kettle. 

The tension seemed to leave the room and she relaxed. Her gaze wandered over the room, taking in the open window. A cool breeze drifted into the house. A red glow on the floor drew her attention to a pyramid lying on the floor. Darkness caressed her mind, bringing her breathing to a halt. The pyramid called to her, wanting her to pick it up and open it. Curling her fingers into her palms, she fought back the impulse. She’d only read about Sith holocrons in the texts Luke had given her. She’d never thought she’d actually see one.

“Why do you have that?” She asked through a tightening throat.

Ben paused near the table, a bowl and spoon in his hands. He narrowed his eyes, then flicked his gaze to what she pointed at.

“I found it.” His tone was matter of fact. He placed the bowl and utensil on the table and strode around the table to the holocron on the floor. 

“Why do you have it?” Rey repeated as she stepped away from him. 

He glared at the holocron then at her. The red glow increased, illuminating strange writing scrolled across the surface. Fear welled within her and she swallowed. Closing her eyes, she gathered her Light around her, helping her to push the unease down. She couldn’t give in to her fears. Ben was her friend. He wouldn’t hurt her.

“It called to me.” He answered. 

Stone hitting wood brought her attention back to him. The pyramid rested on the table and his fingers flexed around it. 

“You opened it?” She forced her gaze to his. She held her breath, hoping he hadn’t.

“No, but it’s getting harder to resist.”

She closed the gap between them. “Then get rid of it.”

He looked at the device and she sensed the struggle within him. He wanted to open it, yearned to learn the secrets it contained. The only thing keeping him from doing so was being overwhelmed by the darkness within the holocron.

“It has something to teach me.” Ben whispered as he picked the device up. It glowed brighter, if that was possible. The glow reflected in his eyes and a shiver rippled through her. 

She grabbed the holocron from his hand, stalked toward the door, and tossed the device out into the night. She slammed the door and leaned against it, preventing him from going after it.

“You were letting it manipulate you.” Rey pushed from the door and stood in front of him. “If you had opened it, you would’ve lost yourself to the dark side.”

He narrowed his eyes. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m already lost.”

Ben turned away from her and her heart clenched. Even being half raised by his uncle all those years ago, she’d known he’d been lonely as well. He’d spent all that time helping her, comforting her. She wondered if she soothed him. Even now, she sensed loneliness beneath the anger he projected. To live in isolation must be miserable for him, but he seemed to accept it. 

Rey shook her head. She’d refuse to let him waste away here when there was a way out. 

“You’re not lost.” She grabbed his hand, causing him to stare at her with a mixture between a glare and surprise. “Come with me. Your mother wants you back. You can help us against the First Order.”

“I’m not going back!” He snarled and yanked his hand from her grip. 

Rey sighed, realizing she wouldn’t get through to him in a few hours. Running her hand through her hair, she looked up at him. His anger buffeted against her. Memories of him yelling at his uncle or the other padawans during his time at the Academy flashed in her mind. She’d remembered how pebbles and the dirt vibrated when he was angry enough to explode. She glanced around the room, but everything from the chair to the bowl remained still. Had he learned to control his temper or did he learn to channel it a different way? 

“Shall we sit down?” She asked as she stepped around him and headed for the table. “I’m starving.”

“What?”

She felt his eyes boring into the back of her head, but she didn’t look at him. Instead, she pulled out the single chair and sat. She stared into the bowl and her stomach growled. Without looking at him, she picked up the utensil and dug into the lukewarm food. 

“I can get you a fresher bowl.” Ben offered as he strode toward her.

Nodding, she handed him the bowl. She didn’t want to be any more trouble than she already was, but she sensed he wanted to offer a truce. She smiled at him as he took the bowl from her. His intense gaze held hers and the room seemed to fade away. What memories floated in his mind? Did he remember any of the time they spent together at the Academy? The many times they comforted each other? Did he regret leaving her the night he fled the Academy? 

Ben blinked, breaking the spell. He turned from her and tossed the cold stew out the window. Returning to the fireplace, he pulled the cauldron from the fire. The glow of the fire cast golden colors across his face and burnished his black hair. Her breath caught and heat coiled through her. She had craved his nearness when she was younger, yearned for his strength and comfort. It seemed nothing had changed since he’d left her all those years ago. She still felt betrayed, still wondered if the Academy would’ve been saved had he remained. 

Ben placed the refreshed bowl of stew in front of her and strode toward the bed. Running a hand through his hair, he sat down. A sigh escaped him and she watched him. He stared at his hands as if contemplating what to say. She stirred her spoon around the bowl as she waited for him to speak.

“What do you remember of that night?” His soft voice washed over her, through her. 

Images of a moonless night and black silk shifted through her mind. She shivered and her grip on the spoon tightened. She forced her gaze to the bowl as she tried to get her emotions under control. 

“I remember waking up to chaos and you leaving in an X-wing.” She answered. 

She dug into the bowl and shoveled some into her mouth. Spices and the flavors of the meat danced on her tongue. Closing her eyes, she savored the spicy flavors. The warmth flooded her being. She didn’t know if it was her hunger or if the food really was delicious, but she didn’t care. She wanted more.

“I woke up with my uncle standing over me.” His voice held both a softness she barely remembered hearing from him and an underlying rage she knew all too well. His admission caught her off guard and she dropped the utensil in the bowl.

“What?”

He looked at her, his gaze boring into her. She stared at him as his words sunk in. Shaking her head, she pushed from the table and strode toward him. Had she heard him correctly? 

“My uncle stood over me with his lightsaber ignited.” He replied, anger emanating from him.

“Why?” She asked as she knelt in front of him. She couldn’t understand why Master Luke would do such a thing? The man who had half raised her, trained her, wouldn’t do such a thing. Could Ben have been mistaken?

Ben shrugged and pushed to his feet. He paced the room as he shoved his hands into his hair. The event seemed to still affect him, even after all this time.

“He feared the darkness inside me.” He ground out as he glared at her. “Can’t you feel it?”

Rey blinked at him and climbed to her feet. Yes, she felt the darkness in him. It rolled off him in waves. It was fueled by his anger, his fear. He believed his uncle betrayed him, banished him to a life alone. She’d prove him wrong. Taking a deep breath, she stepped toward him.

“Your self-exile is over, Ben.” She held out her hand. “Your parents are worried about you. You can come home.”

He shook his head and turned away from her. “You don’t understand.”

“Then enlighten me.” She stepped into his path, forcing him to look at her. “You really want to stay here? Be alone for the rest of your life?”

“I am not a Jedi, Rey.” He growled, his hands clenched at his sides. “I’ve given myself to the dark side.”

She stared at him. Did he really believe his family wouldn’t love him anymore if they knew? She shook her head and opened her mouth, but he turned from her. He strode to the fireplace, leaned against the mantel, and stared into the fire. Sighing, she sat at the table and finished her stew.

“I spent years on Korriban learning about the Sith, about the dark side.” He told her, his voice almost a whisper.

“You aspired to be one of them?” Rey raised an eyebrow at him. 

He laughed, a bitter sound. She winced, but her heart clenched.

“No, but it seemed my only option.” Ben pushed from the fireplace and faced her. Pain and loneliness radiated from him and her eyes stung. She turned back to the stew and pushed it around with the spoon.

“You had other options.” She whispered. “You could have gone home.”

“With the news that I almost killed my uncle?” He snorted. “That would go over well.”

“You could’ve told them the truth.” She snapped at him.

He shook his head. “They sent me to my uncle because they feared my power, feared the darkness. Hearing that I almost killed my uncle because of it would only prove to them they were right.”

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “They’ve forgiven you, Ben. They want you to come home.”

She stared at him, needing him to believe her. Leia had warned her it might be difficult to convince him to return to them, but she hadn’t mentioned it might be impossible. She’d been thrilled to be tasked with this mission to retrieve the leader of the Resistance’s son. She had missed her friend, had yearned to see him again after all this time.

_I’m not giving up._ She promised herself. _If I have to knock him out, I’m bringing him home._

A ripple through the Force caused the hair on her arms to stand on end. Her breath left her and she stood, her hand going for her saber. She glanced at Ben as he stared at the door. He gripped his saber in his hand and stepped toward the door.

“Stay here.” He growled as he opened the door.

She narrowed her eyes. Like hell she would stay while he put himself in danger. Gritting her teeth, she followed him out the door.

The sun melted into the horizon, casting the last rays of light across the field and X-wing. She stared out across the field as her grip on her saber tightened. Her heart thundered in her chest as she searched for the source of her unease.

“The Falcon isn’t far.” She whispered to him, her eyes scanning the shadows. “We can make it before whatever is out there is upon us.”

“I’m not running.” Ben growled beside her and ignited his saber. The blade vibrated and crackled, casting a blood-red glow across the ground at his feet. She stared at the weapon as her unease grew. Nevertheless, she trusted him more than the unknown darkness streaming toward them.

“Fair enough.” Two yellow blades shot out of both ends of the hilt. She twirled it with ease and stepped into a fighting stance. She glared into the darkness as her saber hummed behind her. 

“Yellow?” Ben scoffed beside her. 

“Luke was just as surprised.” She admitted without looking at him. “He said yellow hadn’t been seen in centuries.”

A red glow appeared over the horizon and adrenaline burned through her. As the figures drew closer, she noticed the red glow came from several weapons. The forms blended into the shadows, giving the appearance the weapons floated in darkness. She narrowed her eyes as she gathered her Light around her, letting it calm her. Closing her eyes, she drew in slow breaths. 

“Ben Solo!” One shadow called out as they drew closer. “Supreme Leader Snoke demands your presence.”

“Who the hell is Snoke?” Rey whispered beside him.

“No one you need to know.” He growled as he twirled his blade.

Before she could ask who these people were and how they knew him, Ben charged forward and waved his hand. The group flew backward, some hitting the ground, another slammed into the tree, and two more crashed into the X-wing. With a roar of her own, she charged at the nearest foe and swung her double-bladed lightsaber. 

The Force flowed through her, exhilaration bubbled up inside her. It wasn’t lost on her as she fought these darksiders alongside another darksider. Her heart soared with the fact she fought beside a person she viewed as a friend. Memories of them training together flashed through her mind and it filled her with joy. Did he feel the same? Did similar memories shift through his mind? What did he think of fighting beside a lightsider?

A red blade blocked her attack and the figure pushed against her blade. She stepped back, spun around and swiped at the darksider’s feet. The opponent leaped into the air, flipping over her head. Growling, she spun around and faced two of the intruders. The newcomer held a glowing red whip and her heart stuttered. She hadn’t fought anyone, even during training, against someone with a whip. She glanced at Ben from the corner of her eye and saw him fighting against someone with a glowing axe. Two bodies lay on the ground at his feet.

“Who are you?” She demanded.

Neither opponent answered her. Instead, the one with the whip swung at her head. Rey ducked, spun around, and swung her blades at the figure’s feet. She came back up as the man leaped over her. She blocked the red blade from the other attacker. Pushing the blade away, she thrust out her hand, propelling the darksider away from her. Spinning back around with her weapon, she blocked the whip, letting it wrap around her blade. With a grin, she yanked her saber backward, causing the owner of the whip to stumble forward. She kicked the man in the face, then deactivated her saber to undo the whip. 

Turning her attention to Ben, she activated her sabers and rushed toward him. He dodged the axe flying toward his head and shoved his red blade through the chest. She slowed her pace as the darksider fell forward.

He stood over the dead man, catching his breath. Darkness flowed from him in black waves and the unease returned. One wrong move from her and he wouldn’t hesitate to attack. Not wanting him to see her as another enemy, she deactivated her weapon and hooked the hilt to her belt. 

“Ben?” Rey kept her voice calm and low. She held out her hand as he stared at her, breathing hard. 

“Leave.” Ben growled as he deactivated his lightsaber. Clipping it to his belt, he headed back toward his house.

“Not without you.” She hurried to step in his way. “Who are they? Who is Snoke? They said he was the Supreme Leader. Is he the Supreme Leader of the First Order?”

“I don’t know who they were.” He snarled as he pointed to the bodies behind him. “You don’t need to know who Snoke is.”

He moved to step around her, but she grabbed his arm. Anger burned in his dark eyes as he glared at her. She held his arm as she refused to back down.

“I’ll continue to ask until you tell me.” She squeezed his arm, letting him know she was serious. It had been her way of getting him to tell her his issues when they were younger. It annoyed him to the point he’d tell her anything to keep her from asking him. She hated that it’d been the only way to get him to open up to her, but it had worked. She hoped it’d work now.

“He can’t know you’re here.” Ben snapped as he yanked his arm from her grip. “He’ll use you to get to me.”

He marched toward the house. She refused to give up. Several groans drifted through the darkness and she looked over at the dark figures scattered over the ground. Some darksiders were still alive and a chill went through her. They were here for him as well. Probably for the very same reason. With him, the tide would turn in favor of the side with him in their ranks.

Taking a deep breath, she brought out her comm link and turned it on.

“Looks like I’ll need your help after all.” She spoke into the comm. 

“I knew it.” Han returned. “Kid had always been stubborn.”

“We have little time.” She stared at the groaning and squirming shadows. “There are others here for the same reason. We just fought some of them, but they’re still alive.”

Han cursed. “All right. I’m on my way. Han out.”

Shoving the comm link into her pocket, she spun on her heel and hurried toward the house.


	3. Chapter 3

Lightsabers ignited around him and voices shouted for his blood. Fear surged through him as he gripped his lightsaber. He stared at the padawans gathering around him, his fellow students, his peers. Hatred, fear, and anger poured from them, piercing him. He tried to plead his case, but they refused to listen. 

A figure charged toward him and Ben ignited his saber. A red blade shot out of his hilt, growling and spitting. His stomach churned as he blocked the attacker’s green saber. His breath left him as he stared at the accusing eyes of his uncle. 

“You were born with darkness inside you.” Luke hissed as he pushed Ben’s blade to the side. “And you’ll die because of it.”

Luke’s green blade slashed across his face. 

Ben woke with a gasp as he pushed himself into a sitting position. He shook the traces of the dream from his mind, but the images appeared again when he closed his eyes. Running a hand through his hair, he took several deep breaths. 

_Get it together._ He scolded himself. _It’s just a dream. It didn’t happen._

_Not that way._ A dark part of himself reminded him. 

Gritting his teeth, he looked around the room. Gone was the warm fireplace, the table, his bed. Instead, he found himself in a small room on a ship. His heart hammered in his chest as a chill sliced through him. He recognized the rusty, old walls. The scent of oil and old machinery drifted to his nose. A rumble jostled him as his fingers gripped the edges of the cot he sat on. 

Pushing himself to his feet, he took stock of himself. Moving his arms around didn’t cause any pain. Neither did striding across the room. He still wore the clothes he’d put on that morning. The only thing missing was his lightsaber. He stared out the window above the bed and narrowed his eyes. How the hell did he get on the _Falcon_? Where the hell were they taking him? 

The door behind him whooshed open and he turned to face his abductor. Rey stepped into the room with caution. Unease and concern radiated off her. The door shut behind her, securing her inside with him. She strode toward him, her gaze roaming over him. Heat poured through him and he clenched his hands at his sides. 

“Where are you taking me?” He demanded as he strode around her. “How the hell did I get here?”

Running a hand through his hair, he searched his memories for what the hell she did to him. He remembered heading into his house and her following him. After that, he remembered nothing. He narrowed his eyes as she remained motionless in the middle of the room.

“Answer me?” He growled as he stood in front of her.

“I’m taking you to the Resistance base.” She answered, her gaze holding his. “I knocked you out with the Force.”

“Why don’t I remember it?” He snapped as he paced away from her.

“I might have overdone it.” Her voice held remorse and embarrassment. 

Ben glared at her, but she didn’t avert her eyes. A slight blush tinted her cheeks and his heart skipped a beat. His mind flashed to a memory when she was nine. She’d been embarrassed and on the verge of tears. With a red face, she’d told him how she’d failed to block the bolts from two small spheres with a practice saber. He’d comforted her then, told her everyone stumbled with the task the first time they’d attempted it. He’d promised to help her with the spheres. She’d beamed at him then, her hazel eyes sparkling. His heart had constricted at the sight, glad he could console her. To bring a smile to her face. 

To stare at her now, several years older, sent his mind reeling. His body saw her as a woman, but his mind still remembered her as a little girl, a young teenager. Growling, he continued to pace.

“Still struggling with your abilities?” Ben asked as he paced in front of her.

Rey sighed. “I had to train as a Jedi, help with fixing things around the base, plus run missions for the Resistance.”

“Like kidnapping me?” He couldn’t help, but ask.

She glared at him and folded her arms against her chest. She raised her chin and looked down her nose at him. He bit his lip to keep from smirking. Had his mother also trained her to deal with hard-headed men? He remembered when he was younger how his father regaled him with stories of the many times his mother handled his father. He’d been charmed by the stories, fell asleep listening to them. That was all before his powers, before the darkness.

“You wouldn’t have come any other way.” She told him, her voice full of annoyance. “Not to mention the people who attacked us were waking up. I didn’t want to fight them again and I knew I had little time for it.”

Ben shook his head and headed for the door. He had enough of this. The attackers had mentioned Snoke. He had a sinking suspicion those people weren’t about to stop hunting their prey.

“You’re not leaving this room.” Rey rushed toward him, grabbing his arm. “Don’t make me knock you out again.”

He wrenched his arm from her grip. “You won’t get a second chance for that.”

Ben raised his hand to her head and pushed the command for her to sleep into her mind. She slumped forward and he caught her. Lifting her into his arms, he carried her over to the bed. His gaze roamed over her as he positioned her more comfortably on the bed. He curled his fingers into his palms to keep from running them through her hair. Why was he reacting to her this way?

Shaking his head, he pushed to his feet and headed for the door. His father was on the ship, more than likely piloting it. The door opened and he marched down the corridor toward the cockpit. He’d have to force his father to turn this ship around. Han was as stubborn as he was and wouldn’t turn the ship around because he asked.

_You could kill your father and take the ship._ Snoke’s voice broke into his thoughts, stopping him in his tracks.

_I don’t need to kill him._ Ben growled as he pushed the voice out of his mind.

He continued toward the cockpit, but a chilling laugh danced in his head. 

_Give yourself over completely to the dark side._ Snoke taunted, his voice an oil slick in his mind. _Kill your father. He will never accept you. He threw you away because he fears you. Fears your power._

_Get out of my head!_ Ben shoved the voice into the darkest parts of his mind and built a mental barrier in front of it. 

Breathing heavily, he ran his fingers into his hair. He closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down. He’d never told anyone of the voice in his head. People already feared him as it was. They already believed the darkness within him had taken over. Knowing a voice goaded him into doing terrible things wouldn’t help the situation.

“Ben?” His father’s concerned voice cut through his battle with himself. 

He straightened and leveled a glare at his father. Han wore a tattered grey jacket over a plain white shirt and black pants. On his hip rested his favorite blaster pistol.

_Does he ever take that thing off?_ Ben thought. 

“You’ve grown.” Han stepped closer to him.

Ben narrowed his eyes and backed away. “You’ve gotten old.”

Han sighed as if put upon. Ben gritted his teeth, his fingers flexing near where his lightsaber should’ve been. 

“I’m sorry to kidnap you like this-” Han began.

“You’re sorry?” Ben snapped as the ship vibrated around him and the lights flickered. “Sorry for kidnapping me or for handing me over to my uncle because you didn’t want to deal with me anymore?”

“For all of it.” The anguish in his father’s voice ripped through him. “We believed Luke was the best thing for you. I didn’t know how to deal with your powers and your mother…”

Han ran a hand through his hair and turned away. Ben narrowed his eyes as rage welled within him. He curled his fingers into his palms to keep from lashing out. He needed to both hear his father’s words, to understand, but he also preferred to punish his father. Punish him for running away instead of being a father to him when he most needed one. 

For years, he’d believed he’d done something wrong, that he was a terrible son. He’d even asked his uncle why. The only answer he received was a pat on the head and a lecture on his powers. It’d taken him years and a voice in his head to realize they’d feared him. They were terrified of his abilities, his darkness. He hated that’d he had to learn from a voice in his head why he’d been thrown away. 

“You thought I’d be like my grandfather.” Ben growled as he strode toward his father.

Han stared at him, his eyes narrowed. “Who told you that?”

Anger burned through him and metal creaked through the corridor. Han looked around. Terror, black and cold, emanated from him.

“It doesn’t matter.” Ben kept his voice low. “It’s the truth. You reek of fear.”

Han raised his hand as the ship trembled and a light exploded behind him. He jumped, but didn’t take his eyes from Ben.

“We can talk about this.” His calm voice only irritated Ben more. “Your mother and I can explain everything to you.”

“I’m not a child!” Ben snarled as another light exploded down the corridor. “I already know you feared me the entire time! You tossed me aside because you couldn’t control me.”

“That’s enough!” Rey shouted behind him, followed by a lightsaber igniting.

Ben spun around and thrust his hand out. Rey flew backward, letting go of her weapon. It bounced off the floor and deactivated. He turned back to his father, his lip curling upward.

“You will turn this ship around.” He commanded, pushing all his power behind the words. 

“Don’t listen to him!” Rey yelled, panic filling her voice. 

He turned to face her and saw her for a second before he flew backward. His back struck the wall, pushing his breath out of his body. Pain shot through him and he dropped to the floor. A groan escaped him and spots danced in front of his sight. Shaking his head, he attempted to climb to his feet, but a yellow blade floated in front of him. Rey stood over him, her eyes blazing. His father stepped to her side, concern in his eyes.

“We’ll be at the base in a couple of hours.” Han mentioned.

Ben didn’t know if he spoke to Rey or him, but he didn’t move. He kept his gaze on Rey as he tried to regain his ability to breathe. 

“What do you think you were going to accomplish, Ben?” Rey’s voice dripped with anger, matching the fire in her eyes. 

“Going home.” He growled. “You’re wasting your time. I’m not going to help you.”

“It’s time for you to come home, Ben.” Han placed a hand on Rey’s shoulder and pulled her back. “You belong with your family.”

Ben snorted and climbed to his feet. “Now you say I’m your family? Now you regret pushing me away?”

“I regretted it the moment we did it.” Han snapped. “I thought we made a mistake. Luke promised he could help you. I trusted him.”

Ben glared at his father as anger and pain surged through him. Darkness whispered, demanding he take his revenge against his father. His gaze flicked to Rey as his blood boiled. 

“Why hadn’t you looked for me sooner?” He stepped toward her.

Rey averted her gaze, but quickly caught herself and held his stare. He sensed her guilt and concern flowing from her. Her gaze drew him in, pleading with him to understand. He narrowed his eyes as he held himself still. His darkness railed at him to punish her, to make her feel the pain reliving these memories caused him. Closing his eyes, he pushed his anger down. Now wasn’t the time.

“We were afraid of this very reaction.” Rey’s soft voice tugged his attention to her. “We also weren’t completely sure where you were.”

Gritting his teeth, he turned his glower to his father. “You’re taking me back to Nithian.”

Han folded his arms against his chest. “That’s not your home anymore, Ben.”

“I’m not joining the Resistance.” Ben snapped. “I’m not a Jedi!”

“We still need your help.” Rey grabbed his arm. Warmth surged through him at her touch and his breath caught. He stared at her hand, but she didn’t remove it.

“Things must be terrible for you to seek my help.” His voice was low as he stared at her through the hair in his eyes.

“It is.” She whispered as she stepped closer to him. “The First Order has a weapon that can destroy planets.”

Ben smirked. “Another Death Star?”

“Worse.” Han put in.

He didn’t know what could be worse than a Death Star. At the moment, though, he didn’t care. They’d kidnapped him, told him he needed to come home. That they wanted his help. Why did they want a darksider’s help? Weren’t they afraid he’d turn on them? Isn’t that what they were always told when discussing those belonging to the dark side? 

“Why would you want my help?” He pulled his arm from Rey’s grip. The warmth vanished, leaving him cold and bereft. He pushed the quick change of sensation to the back of his mind to figure out later.

“We can use all the help we could get at this point.” The despair in his father’s voice caught Ben off guard.

“Even from someone like me?” Ben cocked his head to the side as he looked from his father to Rey. “Had things gotten so bad that not even my perfect uncle and father could bring the First Order to its knees?”

“Ben.” Han warned, narrowing his eyes.

“Take. Me. Home.” Ben snarled as he stood toe to toe with his father. “You think I’d help you after you threw me away?”

A roar rebounded from the cockpit. Han shook his head and stalked off down the corridor. Ben watched his father as his fingers curled into his palms. There was still time to force his father to turn this ship around. If not, he’d knock both Han and Chewie out and take the ship himself. He stepped forward, but Rey caught his arm.

“Your family missed you.” Rey whispered as she squeezed his arm.

“No, they didn’t.” He glared at her. “They wanted me out of the way. You were there when my uncle tried to kill me.”

“He’s sorry for that.” She drew closer to him, holding his gaze. “Luke believes he failed you. We did try to search for you.”

Ben shook his head and turned away from her. His heart constricted at her words. He didn’t want to hear this. It hurt bad enough to know his family didn’t want him. To hear, to know, Rey searched for him all those years ago, ate at him.

“You couldn’t find my Force signature back then?” His eyes stung at her words.

Rey averted her gaze and ran her hand through her hair. She paced in front of him as her fingers clenched and unclenched. He watched her, feeling her distress and uncertainty. Had she found him and didn’t want to believe where he was?

“I searched for you through the Force.” She answered as she continued to pace. “When I found you, your presence was so dark.”

She stopped and took a deep breath. Unshed tears filled her eyes. His stomach twisted into a knot as he waited for her to understand the truth of what she found.

“You were on Korriban.” The words came out as a sigh of despair. “I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it.”

“You didn’t come for me then.” His voice was even as his heart hammered in his chest. “No one came for me. You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

Rey shook her head. “I couldn’t. I was just relieved you were alive.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the wall. He stared at her through his curtain of hair. Rey wiped at her eyes and released a shuddering breath. She knew where he’d been, but hadn’t told anyone. She’d kept his secret, hid him from his family. Had he meant that much to her? Did he still mean something to her?

“I still don’t understand what you expect from me.” Ben folded his arms against his chest. “I don’t want any part of this war or its sides.”

She stepped toward him. “You’re going to need to choose a side soon, Ben. You can’t stay neutral. You can’t stay ignorant of what’s going on.”

Narrowing his eyes, he pushed by her. He marched down the corridor toward the cockpit. Rey’s footsteps hurried after him, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t care about the First Order or the Resistance. Nor did he care about the war. He wanted to be left alone.

Stepping into the cockpit, he halted his steps and stared through the view port. Rey bumped into him, but he didn’t look at her. He stared at a large ship hovering over a green planet. Keeping his gaze on the battlecruiser, he stumbled forward. He sensed his mother on the ship as his heart slammed against his ribs. He felt her mind brush against his and he knew she realized he was onboard. It was too late to turn the Falcon around now. 

“Welcome to the Resistance.” Han said as he guided the Falcon toward the large ship. “Welcome home, Ben.”

****

Ben stood at the top of the ramp as he watched the others stomp down into the hangar bay. His gaze wandered upward to take in the gathering of Resistance fighters. They greeted his kidnappers, patted them on the back or hugged them. He scanned them all, seeking his mother. 

His skin tingled. His attention drifted to a woman dressed all in gray standing off to the side of the hangar bay. She stood in a regal posture with her graying hair wrapped around her head. Three others positioned themselves beside her, watching the greetings. A dark-haired man wearing a brown jacket over a white shirt and beige pants stood to her right. On her left, a dark-skinned man in a dark leather jacket over a charcoal shirt and black pants folded his arm against his chest. Talking quietly to the dark-skinned man was a woman with short black hair in an orange and white jumper. Their gazes fell on him and he narrowed his eyes.

“Ben.” Rey’s excited voice brought his attention to her. She hurried up the ramp and took his hand. Warmth flooded him and his heart skipped a beat. Butterflies danced in his stomach as she pulled him down the ramp with her.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” He grumbled as she led him into the gathering. “I don’t do well in crowds.”

“Then let’s greet your mother.” She squeezed his hand and switched directions around the people welcoming his father and Chewie.

Gritting his teeth, he fought the impulse to yank her to a stop. He didn’t want to greet his mother. He didn’t intend to meet the people who stood around her. They sure as hell didn’t care to meet him. He sensed anger, curiosity, and distrust from those three. What, if anything, did they know about him? 

“General.” Rey came to a stop before the group. She looked at him, beaming. “I found him.”

His mother stared at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. She cupped his face and his breathing hitched. The butterflies doubled in number and his heart threatened to leap out of his chest. Closing his eyes, he forced himself to stay still, though every nerve in his body demanded he flee. He was of the dark side; he didn’t bolt. 

“Ben.” Leia whispered. “I missed you so much.”

Ben bit his lip to keep from lashing out at her. The men behind her glared at him as if waiting for him to do something. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but not here. Not where everyone could hear him. Not where he was outnumbered and they saw him as a threat. 

“You sent a Jedi to find me.” He kept his voice soft. “You must’ve really missed me.”

She smiled and patted his cheek. “We have much to talk about and I know you have questions.”

“A lifetime of questions.” He admitted.

She nodded and stepped back. “I’ll set up a room for you. Let you get settled before I introduce you to everyone.”

His gaze shifted to the three behind her. The dark-haired man narrowed his eyes as he folded his arms against his chest. The dark-skinned man raised his chin and placed a hand on the woman beside him. 

“Can’t wait.” Ben growled as he returned their glares.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben stood in the middle of the room his mother had designated as his. A soft baby blue carpet muffled his steps as he meandered to a desk situated against a wall opposite a bed. He ran his finger over the desk’s smooth, dark red surface. His gaze fell on writing implements positioned on one corner of the desk. His heart clenched as he reached for one of the pens. 

Memories of writing for meditation for him flashed in his mind. His mother had gifted him with his first set of pens and he’d treasured them. The set had been destroyed when the hut had collapsed. His hand shook as it hovered over the set. Had his mother brought him a new set? Did she believe he’d take up calligraphy again? Curling his fingers into his palm, he spun on his heel and strode toward the bed. 

He sat on the dark blue bedspread and ran his hands over his face. It irritated him that his family once again put him in a position against his will. They wanted him to join them? To fight against his very tormentor? Did they know or was it just a coincidence? It didn’t matter. He couldn’t join them, wouldn’t join them. He didn’t want any part of this war, had never cared for either faction. 

The door to his room slid open and his mother stepped inside. He stared at her. She came alone, likely to put him at ease. Sorrow and regret flowed off her as her eyes beseeched him. His heart constricted, but he refused to go to her. The pain of her betrayal, her neglect, was still fresh in his mind. Still rang in his nightmares.

“You’re angry with me.” She announced, her voice firm, but he detected the grief underneath. “I understand, but you have to know-”

“Whatever you’re going to say, don’t.” Ben pushed to his feet. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Leia pursed her lips as she stared at him. She crossed the short expanse of the room to stand before him. Her eyes shone with unshed tears and hope. The hope ripped through him, but he held his ground.

“I never wanted this to happen, Ben.” She whispered as she took his hand in hers. “I wanted you to learn to control your powers.”

“You wanted me to be like your brother.” He growled, yanking his hand from her grasp. “You wanted to tame me, control me.”

“That’s not true and you know it!” Leia snapped, gripping his arm, forcing him to look at her. “I was afraid, yes, but I never wanted to push you away.”

“Don’t lie.” He narrowed his eyes, lowered his voice. 

His darkness rose within him, whispered to him to show her what her mistake cost her. Clenching his fists, he stalked away from her to stand by the desk. He glanced at the door beside the desk, leading into the shower. Briefly, he wondered if he could lock himself inside until she left. With a shake of his head, he pushed the thought away. He wasn’t a child anymore. Gripping the back of the chair, he stared at the desk.

“It was wrong for me to believe you’d turn into Vader.” Leia’s voice drew closer to him.

He closed his eyes and fought the impulse to throw the chair against the wall. Taking several deep breaths, he pushed his anger down. What would happen if he told her the Supreme Leader of the First Order communicated with him? Had been in his head since he was a small child? Would she completely fear him then or would she do everything in her power to help him?

Ben looked at his mother and wished he could tell her everything. The words bubbled in his chest, tingled on the tip of his tongue. She placed her hand on his face and his breath caught. He stared into her eyes, searching for the mother he knew before his powers manifested themselves, before she decided the New Republic was more important. 

“Do you think I’m my grandfather?” He asked, his voice threatening to crack.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she smiled. “No, Ben. Vader forgot what it was like to be human. You’re far from that. I can sense your heart, your emotions. You still care. You still care about Rey.”

Ben narrowed his eyes and stepped away from her. If she thought to use his friendship with Rey against him, she’d regret it. He stared out the window, taking up most of the wall across from the door. Another ship had joined between the time he’d arrived and now. It was a smaller ship, but he didn’t doubt it could hold its own in a fight.

“Luke wants to talk to you before you meet-”

“No!” Ben spun to face her. “If you value his life, you won’t let him come anywhere near me.”

Leia blinked, her face draining of color. She took a step back as horror beat at him through the Force. His fists clenched and unclenched as images of his uncle standing over him flashed in his mind. The green glow of the saber illuminating Luke’s face filled his nightmares. Rage filled him, hot and dark. It spread through him, burning his insides. His darkness swirled within him, feeding off the dark emotion. He knew if he ever saw Luke again, he wouldn’t hesitate to attack him.

“He regrets what he did to you, Ben.” Leia reached out toward him, but thought better of it and lowered her hand. “He told me what happened.”

“Did he?” Ben stared at her through hooded lids. “Did he tell you the truth or what he thought you could stomach?”

Leia sighed and ran a hand over her face. Irritation pulsed between them and he didn’t know if it was his or hers. He watched her. Curiosity of which version his uncle told her materialized within him. He wanted to know, to set her straight if it didn’t match up with what happened that night.

“He told me when he stood over you, he felt the darkness within you.” She looked at him, her voice tight as if restraining anger. “He thought to kill you to save the galaxy from the rise of another Vader.”

“I was asleep.” He stepped toward her, his voice low. “I was defenseless.”

“He’d thought better of it, but that’s when you woke up.” She shook her head and leveled her gaze at him. “It was too late and you believed the worst.”

“Even if it was for a second, he still thought about killing me.” He snarled and turned from her. “I’m not talking to him!”

“You’re being a child, Ben.” Leia snapped. “He wants to-”

“I don’t care.” Ben paced away from her, his fingers dragging through his hair. “I’ll kill him if I see him.”

“I’m sorry this happened to you.” Leia whispered. “I’m sorry you thought the dark side was the answer to your pain.”

“Pain you caused.” He pointed a finger at her.

“Then let me make amends.” She closed the gap between them as if he weren’t the most dangerous being in the room. She stared up at him, determination burning in her eyes. “Let me heal you.”

Ben glared at her, retorts dancing on the edge of his tongue. He didn’t speak any of them. None of them seemed adequate enough to convey what he felt. Running his hand through his hair, he turned from his mother. 

The door slid open again, revealing Rey on the other side. She looked from him to his mother as she entered the room.

“Everything all right in here?” She asked, unease radiating off her.

She locked gazes with him and he knew she’d know if he lied to her. He sighed. He’d never lied to her when they were younger. What good would it do to lie to her now? 

“We were arguing.” Ben strode toward his bed and sat down. “We disagree about what Skywalker did to me.”

“Luke regrets it, Ben.” Leia mentioned again as if it mattered. He still tried to kill him. The look in his uncle’s eyes tormented him, still appeared in his mind when he closed his eyes.

“The others are waiting for you.” Rey changed the subject as she stood in front of Leia. “They want to know why he’s here.”

Leia rubbed her forehead and looked at him. “We’ll discuss this later, Ben. Let’s introduce you to the others and explain why you’re here.”

“You haven’t told them about me?” He climbed to his feet, his eyes narrowed.

“They know about you.” She motioned toward the door. “They know you’re my son and were trained by Luke.”

He stared at her. “You didn’t tell them about-”

“They know.” Leia bit out as she strode toward the door. “Let’s go.”

Ben gaped at his mother, then at Rey. Rey took his hand in hers. Sparks danced up his arm and a fire ignited in his stomach. His breath hitched, but his heart pounded in his chest. He stared into her eyes and saw a similar fire in her gaze.

“Now, I understand why they were glaring at me.” He whispered.

Rey smiled and squeezed his hand. “It could also be because we were searching for you when you should’ve already been here.”

He shook his head and turned from her. “It should’ve been obvious why I was on Korriban.”

Leia leveled her gaze at him. “I know you’re unsure about this, Ben, but we do need your help.”

She strode down the hallway and Ben sighed. He ran a hand over his face as irritation built within him. He didn’t want any part of this, didn’t care about any war raging throughout the galaxy. It seemed the Force or fate had different ideas. Gritting his teeth, he marched out of his room and followed his mother. 

“What happens if I still refuse to help you?” He asked as he caught up with Leia.

She stopped at a door and looked up at him. Exhaustion and unease radiated from her and on her face. She attempted to smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Sighing, she brushed a lock of hair off his forehead.

“I’m not letting you go.” She whispered, her eyes burning with resolve. “I’m not making that mistake again.”

“What if I want to leave?” He growled.

“I’m not letting the First Order get their hands on you.” She stepped through the door, leaving him staring after her.

“Face it, Ben.” Rey patted his back. “You’re stuck with us.”

He glared at her, but she grinned at him. Her smile was bright as the sun and it took his breath away. Her eyes sparkled and Light buffeted against him, wrapping around him, threatening to chase his darkness away. Memories of how she soothed him after an argument with his uncle appeared in his mind. He remembered how he felt after she’d coaxed a smile from him, eased his anger. Was she doing it now? Did he want her to soothe him? 

“Come on.” Rey took his hand and drew him into the room. “We don’t bite.”

Ben snorted, but allowed her to lead him into the room. A long tan table with a large red symbol took up most of the room. The three he’d seen earlier sat at one end as his mother took a seat on the other. One continuous window wrapped around the room, letting in the light from the sun. 

“Have a seat.” Leia motioned at the table.

Ben glared at the three and they stared at him with equal amounts of unease and anger. Gritting his teeth, he strode around the table and sat as far away from the others as possible. Rey sat beside him. To show her support or to calm his temper, he didn’t know. He was grateful either way.

The door opened again and his uncle strode in. Luke stared at him and a wave of rage washed over Ben. His blood boiled and his heart sped up. He reached for his saber, but Rey placed a hand on his arm. A rush of calm and Light pulsed through him.

He glared at his uncle, waiting for him to say or do something that’d send him into a fury. His hand shook from fighting his instinct to attack, to get his revenge. Luke stood still as a statue. Regret and sorrow radiated off his uncle, but it didn’t calm Ben’s temper.

“Come to witness your finest work?” Ben snarled as he unhooked his saber. He stood, his thumb hovering over the button.

“Ben.” Luke remained still, but pain burned in his eyes. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“No.” He narrowed his eyes as his grip on his saber tightened. “You meant to kill me.”

“Ben!” Leia shouted and grabbed his arm, getting his attention.

“I warned you.” He growled as his entire arm shook from fighting his anger, his instinct. He wanted to show his uncle what the attempted murder had created. Longed to demonstrate his dark power. He turned his glare back to Luke.

“Sit down, Ben.” Leia pulled him down into his chair. He allowed it, but kept his gaze on Luke. His darkness swirled within him, whispering revenge on the old Jedi.

Luke sat across from him and Ben placed his saber on the table. It was both a reminder and intimidation. His uncle stared at it, then at him. 

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

“Why?” Ben snapped as he leaned forward. “You should be thrilled I finally accepted my darkness after years of fighting it.”

“Enough.” Leia’s firm voice held steel. “You can argue about this later.”

Ben stared at her, but she raised an eyebrow as if daring him to argue with her. She wasn’t innocent in this either and they both knew it. He’d gladly debate both of them, but she was right. They weren’t here to listen to him yell at his family. With a sigh, he sat back in his chair and motioned for his mother to start the meeting.

Leia cleared her throat and glanced at each person sitting around the table. Ben sensed all eyes upon him as if they waited for another outburst from him. He glared at his saber as his fingers itched to show them how volatile he really was. Closing his eyes, he took several deep breaths. Now wasn’t the time. 

“We have an opportunity to strike back against the First Order.” Leia’s voice carried through the room. “My son has been returned to me, even if he is a bit reluctant.”

Ben raised an eyebrow at his mother, but she shook her head. He wasn’t a bit reluctant; he was extremely reluctant. If an opportunity presented itself for him to leave, he’d take it. She had to know that. She’d told him she wouldn’t let him go this time, but would she? Would she try to persuade him to stay?

“Ben,” Leia’s voice brought him out of his thoughts. She nodded to the three at the other side of the table. “I’d like you to meet Poe, Finn, and Rose.”

He looked at the three. Rose waved at him and offered him a small smile. Wariness mixed with friendliness emitted from her. The other two stared at him with varying degrees of anger and unease. He fought the impulse to reach into their minds, to learn why they despised him. Did they detest him or was it fear? Or was the animosity because they feared him? 

“Poe is our best pilot.” Leia continued. “He’s taken out a lot of the First Order’s TIE fighters. Finn used to be in the First Order, so he’s given us some intel on the inner workings of their stormtroopers.”

“It seems you’ve done fine against the First Order.” Ben looked at his mother. “You even have two Jedi. What do you need me for?”

Leia sighed and placed her clasped hands on the table. He brushed her mind, finding images of him as a child, as a little boy before his powers grew. Her love and happiness glowed in those moments and his heart clenched. Tears stung his eyes and he left her mind, returning his gaze to his saber. 

“The First Order has Force-users.” She answered after a moment. “They call themselves The Knights of Ren. They search for other Force-users and kill them. I wanted to get to you before they did.”

“They found me.” His hands curled into fists. “They arrived at the same time Rey did.”

“You saw them?” Luke questioned, leaning toward him, eyes wide.

“I killed some of them.” Ben nodded toward his saber. “They wanted to take me to Snoke.”

“The Supreme Leader’s looking for you?” Leia gasped. 

Ben clamped his mouth shut and leaned back in his seat. He didn’t want to tell them how Snoke had been in his mind since he was a boy. These people already distrusted him. He didn’t want their outright hatred. Nor did he want his parents to fear him again.

_Maybe I should tell them._ A darker part of him suggested. _Maybe they’d let me go home. The lost son forever lost._

“If the Supreme Leader wants you, then he knows how powerful you are.” Luke put in. “It’s lucky we got to you first.”

“You sure you want a darksider fighting beside you?” Ben asked, looking from his uncle to his mother. “Aren’t you afraid I’ll turn on you?”

Leia reached for his clenched hand and squeezed it. Her eyes held sadness, but also hope. He didn’t know what the hope was for, but it was stronger than anything he’d ever felt.

“I know you won’t.” She whispered. “Because I believe in you.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Now you believe in me? What about when you sent me to Luke? Did you believe in me then?”

Leia held his gaze. “Yes, Ben. I’ve always believed in you. I believed sending you to Luke was the right decision.”

“It wasn’t.” He grabbed his saber off the table, clipped it to his belt, and headed for the door. 

He couldn’t listen to their lies. They might believe what they did was in his best interests, but he didn’t. Fear radiated from his mother when he’d destroyed his bedroom in a fit of rage. Worry flowed from his uncle after Ben Force pushed a fellow padawan he’d argued with into a tree. They feared him then and he knew they feared him now. They hid it better, but he sensed it.

“Wait, Ben.” Luke seized his arm, stopping him at the door.

Rage ripped through him, an inferno bursting to life. He yanked his arm from his uncle and used the Force to lift him out of the chair. Fright poured from his uncle and his darkness ate it up, fueled his power.

“Ben!” Leia rose to her feet. “Let him go.”

“Stop!” Rey jumped to her feet, igniting her saber. 

Ben ignored both of them as he glared at his uncle. He slowly lifted the Jedi until he hovered over the table. Wood scraped against tile as the three stood from the table. Poe raised his blaster, yelling at him to release Luke. He kept his gaze on his uncle, the man’s eyes full of sadness. Acceptance of his fate emanated from him as if he understood he wouldn’t leave this room alive.

“If killing me will ease the fury within you, then I won’t fight you.” Luke’s voice matched the sadness in his eyes.

Ben’s darkness whispered to end the Jedi’s miserable existence. This was an opportunity to get his revenge. It’d be so easy to choke the life out of the man. The fingers of his left hand curled inward, cutting off Luke’s breath. The Jedi’s eyes widened and he fought to breathe.

Shouts from his right alerted him to the others. A blaster fired and he raised his right hand, freezing the bolt in midair. He kept his gaze on his uncle the entire time. He watched as the man’s face lost its color and he grasped his throat. 

He flew backward, his stomach dropping into his stomach. Pain vibrated through his back, knocking the wind out of him. He sank to his knees as his uncle crashed onto the table. Taking a deep breath, he scanned all the people in the room he could see. The dark-haired man narrowed his eyes, aiming his blaster at him. His mother stared at him, her eyes wide. Sorrow and worry flowed through the Force.

Growling, he pushed to his feet. Luke took huge gulps of air, then coughed as he rolled over onto his side. He looked from his uncle to Rey as she lowered her hand. Her yellow saber hummed beside her as she stared back at him. Anger, fear, and disappointment emanated from her. She narrowed her eyes at him as if waiting for him to retaliate against her. 

“Now will you take back to Nithian?” He growled at her. “I’m not who you’re looking for.”

Rey shook her head. “You’re not who I thought you’d be.”

“I told you, Rey, I’m not a Jedi. I’m not cut out to be one. There’s too much darkness in me. Ask my family.”

Without waiting for a reply, he spun on his heel and left the room. 

_I told you, boy; they seek to tame you._ Snoke’s voice whispered in his head. _Come to me. I will set you free. I won’t put a leash on you._

Ben marched through the corridors back to his room. People stepped out of his way, but he barely noticed them. He kept himself as calm as possible as he tore through the halls. He didn’t want anyone to stop him if he decided to have a conversation with an invisible foe. If it got back to his family that he talked to himself, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. 

The door to his room slid open and he stepped inside. He pressed his back against the wall and closed his eyes. He needed to find a way off this ship.

_Where are you?_ Snoke asked, his voice soothing, but firm. _I can send my Knights to retrieve you._

Ben laughed and pushed from the wall. “You might be down a few. I killed some of them.”

_The Knights are my most elite fighting force._ Snoke sounded impressed. _For you to kill some of them proves you are the most powerful Force user. Your power shouldn’t be wasted with these people. They won’t appreciate you._

“And you will?” He glared around his room as if Snoke actually stood before him. His hands flexed, ready to destroy something, anything.

_I will do more than appreciate you, my boy. You will lead my Knights of Ren. They will be an extension of your power. More people will fear you. They will cower at your name._

Ben stood in the middle of the room, his breathing uneven. His fingers curled into his palms as he glared out the window to the other ship. His vision replayed the battle with Snoke’s Knights on Nithian, the planet he called home. He’d enjoyed the feel of his saber slicing through bone and flesh. He’d thrilled at the pain he caused those he fought. His darkness reveled in it as much as he had. It welled within him now as the memories replayed themselves. 

Closing his eyes, he drew a deep breath and built up his mental barriers once again.

“I’m not joining you.” He whispered into the empty room. “I’m not joining anyone.”


	5. Chapter 5

Rey stared at the door Ben had left through. Her heart thundered in her chest and her fingers twitched around her saber. She hadn’t wanted to fight him, but she would’ve if he had attacked her. Had attacked anyone else. The hatred cascading from him as he Force choked Luke alarmed her. Closing her eyes, she deactivated her saber. She collapsed into her chair and placed her head in her hands. It seemed what Luke had done to Ben had affected him on a deeper level than she’d first thought.

“And we want him on our side?” Poe asked, his voice full of disdain and suspicion.

“We need his help.” Leia snapped. “If Snoke convinces him to join the First Order, we’re in serious trouble.”

“Snoke wants him, too?” Alarm and disbelief coated Finn’s voice.

Leia sighed and Luke coughed. Rey stared at Luke as the Jedi climbed off the table. He ran his left hand over his face and sat back down in his chair. He looked at his shaking hands. In the years she’d trained under Luke, she’d never seen the man fearful.

“Ben cannot go to Snoke.” Luke’s voice was hoarse. “He’s dangerous on his own. If Snoke gets his claws into him…”

Luke stared around the room, his eyes dark and hard. It unsettled her how fast he went from fear to anger. She didn’t blame Ben for his outburst. Even though it angered her to watch him try to kill her mentor, she understood the reason behind it. Luke had wanted to talk to Ben, to explain to him what happened all those years ago. What had he expected from Ben when Luke grabbed his arm? 

“Snoke won’t get anywhere near my son.” Leia’s voice was calm, but Rey detected anger behind the words. “He isn’t going anywhere.”

“He doesn’t want to be here.” Rose put in. “Keeping him here against his will is not only kidnapping, but imprisonment.”

“We’ll give him an option then.” Leia sat back in her chair with a sigh. “He stays with us or he continues to be hunted by Snoke.”

Rey shook her head. “He’d rather take his chances against Snoke than be here. He wasn’t very respective to the idea. I had to knock him out to even get him on the _Falcon._ ”

Leia leaned forward. “Talk to him, Rey. You were close once. Try to get him to understand, to see we need his help.”

Rey ran a hand through her hair and looked at her friends. Poe rolled his eyes, Finn shrugged, and Rose smiled at her. She turned her attention to her mentor, who went back to staring at his hands. She knew where he stood in this situation. They couldn’t let Ben leave. His command of the dark side was too tempting for Snoke. 

“He can tip the balance for either faction.” Rey whispered as she pushed to her feet. “We can’t let him go.”

She didn’t want to tell them Ben already knew Snoke had an interest in him. He communicated with Snoke somehow. How else would he know who the darksiders were talking about? The question was how had Snoke communicated with him and if he still was? She needed to find out.

“I’ll let you know what he says.” She nodded to the gathered and headed out the door. She half expected one of them to stop her, to warn her, to give her pointers, but everyone remained quiet. Taking a deep breath, she marched down the corridor.

She didn’t know what she could say to convince Ben to stay. It’d been years since they last saw each other. She’d sensed his attraction to her, could see it in his eyes, but she doubted she’d be enough to get him to stay. There was too much pain fueled by the past. Even after all this time, she saw how what happened to him still affected him. 

Rey stepped into his room and blinked in the dim light. The door slid shut behind her as she let her eyes adjust to the darkness.

“Come to tell me you’re taking me home?” Ben’s voice came from her right. He sat on his bed, his legs outstretched and his back against the headboard. She felt his eyes upon her even though he was a shadow within the darkness.

Sighing, Rey pressed a button near the door and illuminated the room. She blinked against the change in light and Ben flinched at the brightness. He didn’t move as she strode toward him.

“We want you to stay.” She kept her voice calm. “We need your help.”

Ben scoffed and glared at the wall across from him. Anger and hurt buffeted against her, and her heart clenched. Over the months since his departure, she’d wondered late into the night if she’d shown up earlier, had helped him then, if he wouldn’t have left. If she’d asked, would he have taken her with him instead of leaving her there with the others? Confused filled her that night, but she knew Ben hadn’t killed his uncle. She’d sensed the darkness inside him, but she hadn’t been afraid of it. She’d been drawn to it.

“After what I just did, I’m surprised you haven’t sent me back to Nithian, yet.” He glared at her, the anger taking over the pain.

“How are you communicating with Snoke?” She asked, wincing at how accusatory her voice sounded. “You knew who those darksiders were talking about, but you didn’t want me to know more. I know you’re talking to him. How?”

Ben ran his hands through his hair, then rested his head back against the wall. Closing his eyes, he breathed deeply as if attempting to calm himself. She waited, watching him. Her gaze roamed over his face, her fingers itching to run through his thick black hair. Her gaze fell to his full lips as heat coiled in her center. Why was this happening to her? She hadn’t seen him in years, yet her body reacted as if he was the answer to her secret longing. She didn’t understand it. Licking her lips, she took another step toward him. 

“He’s in my mind.” Ben answered, his voice full of disdain and regret. “I’m trying to block him out, but he ends up finding a way around my barriers.”

“Is he talking to you now?” She sat beside him on the bed and took his hand in hers.

He shook his head. “Not right now. I blocked him again.”

She raised her eyebrows. “He talked to you recently?”

Ben sighed and placed his head in his hands. He growled as anger and darkness rolled off him. Her instinct warned her to move away from him, but she ignored it. Images of the padawans attacking him flashed in her mind. She’d felt guilty for not standing up for him, with him, all those years ago. Even if they’d attacked her as well, she should have been beside him. He needed someone in his corner then and she refused to repeat her mistake all those years ago.

“He wants me to join him.” Ben raised his dark gaze to her. Fire blazed behind them and her heart skipped a beat.

“We can find a way to block Snoke out forever.” She whispered as she placed a hand on his arm. “We can find something in the Jedi texts.”

Ben shook his head. “I want nothing to do with the Jedi. They didn’t want to help me when I needed it. What makes you think their writings will help me now?”

Rey clenched her jaw. She wanted to help him, but his stubbornness created a difficult situation for her. She knew something within the texts would help him. They’d helped her many times over the years. How did she get him to accept that help?

“You think the Sith would help you?” She narrowed her eyes.

“They’d tell me to hunt Snoke down and kill him.” He growled, his eyes boring into her.

She shivered and averted her gaze. His darkness wrapped around her and icy fingers caressed her. Closing her eyes, she gathered her Light around her and the chill faded. Running a hand through her hair, she looked at him.

“You can’t go to Snoke, Ben.” She whispered. “He’ll trap you, force you to join him. Your power won’t help you.”

He snorted and turned his attention back to the wall across from him. Folding his arms against his chest, he closed his eyes. He was dismissing her, but she refused to leave. He had to understand she wanted to help, even if he didn’t want it.

“You’re not going back, Ben.” Rey kept her voice firm, hoping he’d listen. “Your home is with us now.”

“You won’t keep me here.” His voice was low and cold as he glared at her. “I’m not going to be a dark side pet for the Resistance.”

Rey sighed and ran a hand over her face. “Ben-”

“No!” He snapped, pushing himself off the bed. “There’s nothing you can say that’ll convince me-”

“What if I want to train with you?” Rey blurted.

He blinked at her. “What?”

Rey stared at him, her own eyes wide. She hadn’t meant to blurt it out, but she couldn’t think of a reason for him to stay that he wouldn’t argue against. Once she said it, she realized it was the truth. She’d trained with Luke most of her life and though he’d been a brilliant teacher, she felt he couldn’t instruct her any further. Ben had trained with Luke, but guided himself in the dark side. In all her years as Luke’s padawan, she’d never fought against a dark side user until today. She might have defeated Snoke’s Knights, but she sensed they’d been surprised by her presence.

“I would like to train with you.” She replied. “I think I need training against a dark side user.”

A spark flared to life in his dark eyes. She held her breath, waiting. If offering to learn from him was the only way she could get him to stay, then she’d offer it. She knew nothing else would work.

“Fine.” He inclined his head. “I’ll teach you how to fight a welder of the dark side. You never know when you might run up against those Knights again.”

She smiled. “My thoughts exactly.”

He returned her smile. It was a small twitch of his lips, but it was a step to him opening up. 

****

Ben followed Rey through the corridors of the Resistance flagship. He sensed curious eyes upon him, but he ignored them. His gaze roamed over Rey’s back, taking in the way her body moved within the confines of her soft gray tunic and black pants. His mouth watered at the sight, but he forced his gaze to the back of her head. Her dark hair flowed down her back in gentle waves. Two simple braids wrapped around each other in the middle.

All night, his agreement to train her spun in his mind. He’d jumped at the chance too quickly for his liking. He hadn’t planned on staying, didn’t want to. Was it because he really wanted to train her? Did he want to spend more time with her? Maybe he could get a layout of the ship in order to plan his escape.

_Some intel gathering._ He scoffed at himself. _You’re staring at her ass and not counting how many corridors you went through._

Shaking his head, he forced his gaze off her backside and to his surroundings. Resistance officers meandered through the halls, heading to unknown destinations. Some stared at him in alarm or curiosity, while others barely paid him a glance. Doors opened and voices filtered through the halls. The aroma of cooked meat as he passed by the mess hall caused his stomach to growl.

“Hungry?” Rey looked over her shoulder at him. “We can eat if you want.”

He stopped in the middle of the hall and stared at the door to the mess hall. He hadn’t eaten anything after his kidnapping, too angry at the situation to bother thinking about food. Sighing, he motioned toward the door.

“It’s not good to train on an empty stomach.” Ben offered.

Rey smiled and patted him on the back. “You’re teaching me something already.”

Rolling his eyes, he followed Rey into the mess hall. The scent of cooked meat pulled him toward a short line of people dressed in orange and white. A couple of them looked at him and Rey as they strode toward the line. They smiled at her, then stared at him as if something was wrong with him. He ignored it as he got into the line.

“Who’s he?” A Twi’lek asked Rey while nodding his head to Ben. “I haven’t seen him before.”

Rey stood there for a moment, as if debating on what to tell the Twi’lek. Ben brushed against her mind and found her dilemma. Did she tell them he was their general’s son or mention his powers? Should she say anything at all?

“He’s my son.” His father’s voice boomed through the mess hall.

Ben’s stomach dropped as he gaped at his father. Han stood a couple feet from the line, his hands on his hips. His tall furry shadow looked around the room as if daring anyone to argue. Ben cursed himself for not sensing his father’s presence. He’d been too focused on his hunger and Rey to keep his senses alert.

Voices whispered up the line about who he was, and his hands curled into his palms. Narrowing his eyes, he glared at his father, who shrugged. His anger boiled within him, his darkness swirled around him. Han stepped closer to him and it took all he had not to punch his father in the face. It helped the Wookie stood nearby as a deterrent. 

“I’m glad you’re staying.” Han offered a slight smile, but his eyes held sorrow. “I heard you Force choked Luke.”

Ben didn’t answer. His attack on the Jedi had gotten around. That would explain why he’d received several dark looks as he traveled through the halls. What surprised him the most was no one attacked him in retaliation. Were they afraid of him? Were they afraid of what might happen if they did? 

Turning from his father, he grabbed a plate from the tower by the food. Letting the savory aromas soothe him, he placed various meats and vegetables onto his plate. He then followed Rey toward an empty table away from the scattering of early morning workers. He sat down across from her and dug in before his stomach growled again.

“I know you have a lot to work through with your family.” Rey told him as she pushed food around on her plate. “I can help you.”

Ben stared at her, his fork half-way to his mouth. Calm flowed from her, wrapping around him, soothing him. He didn’t know if she was doing it on purpose or if she always exuded calmness. Narrowing his eyes, he focused on his food.

“What do I need to work through?” He growled as he stabbed at a vegetable.

Rey sighed, but he didn’t look at her. He knew what he needed to work through, but he wasn’t ready. They were the ones who didn’t want him; they were the ones who threw him away. Dropping his fork, he shoved his hands into his hair, pushing away the memories that haunted his dreams. Why didn’t his parents love him enough? The plates rattled on the table and Rey gasped. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to take calming breaths. 

“You can start by telling me what’s bothering you?” Rey’s calm voice washed over him like a balm. He didn’t like it. His darkness balked at it, swatted at it, demanded the Light go away. Another part of him, the part still hoping for acceptance, grasped for it like a lifeline.

Ben glared at her, but her gaze held a kindness that stabbed him. He desired to tell her everything, how he fled the planet for Korriban. How he searched through the tombs and Sith academy for anything that’d help him become what his family feared. He wanted revenge, to throw his fall into his family’s face and revel in their dismay.

A plate sliding across the table tore him from his thoughts. He turned his glare upon his father as Han sat down next to Rey. Chewie mewled as he took the only remaining seat.

“I’ve already agreed to train Rey, what more do you want from me?”

Han stared at him, a shadow of anger crossing his features. He glanced back down at his plate as the anger slipped away. Shrugging, he sighed and looked back at Ben.

“Is my son really gone?” Han asked, sorrow coating his voice. “Is he completely lost to the dark side?”

Ben averted his eyes to his food. He had destroyed most of the vegetables and shredded the meat in the short time he’d sat here. Shaking his head, he stabbed at another sliver of meat. What could he tell his father? Whatever he said wouldn’t ease the older man’s mind, wouldn’t ease the rage burning in his own heart.

“Take a good look at what you’ve wrought.” He raised his gaze to his father, giving his darkness free rein. “Let it sink in that I might not have become this if you hadn’t thrown me away.”

With a sneer, he shoved his plate away and stood. Without so much as another glance, he spun on his heel and marched toward the door. Rey called to him, but he didn’t stop, didn’t pause as he escaped the mess hall. 

He ignored those he passed in the corridor. He wandered the halls, needing to get away. Turning left into another corridor, he fought the impulse to slash at the walls with his saber. That wouldn’t go over well and probably would get him shoved into a cell. He knew better than to think they’d take him home. It was almost worse than being a prisoner.

“Ben!” Rey’s voice broke into his thoughts and this time he stopped. He spun to face her as she hurried toward him.

“This isn’t the way to the training room.” She stopped in front of him, a slight smile on her face. “You look like you need to destroy something.”

He narrowed his eyes, but she was right. Sighing, he relaxed his stance and ran a hand over his face. Confronting his father had infuriated him more than he thought, more than he liked.

“You’re right.” He motioned for her to take the lead. “I could do with a good workout.”

She beamed at him and nodded. Spinning on her heel, she marched back the way he’d come. This time, he forced himself to pay attention to his surroundings. He needed to know his way around if he planned on escaping this ship.

“What planet are we orbiting?” He asked as he mapped the corridors and counted the doors he passed.

“Endiad.” She answered as she turned another corner. “We have a base down there where we exchange supplies, intel, and personnel.”

“Is it inhabited with other than Resistance?”

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Why the sudden interest?”

“I’m curious.” He shrugged. “I like learning. If I’m going to be stuck here, I want to know what’s around me. Get used to it, understand it.”

Rey narrowed her eyes as she turned to face him. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to gather intel.”

Ben held her gaze. “Think what you want, I don’t care.”

Sighing, she turned back around and continued down the hall. He followed her, continuing his mapping of the ship. He didn’t care if she suspected what he was doing. It wouldn’t matter in the end.

_I will get off this ship._

Rey stepped through a door on his left, revealing the Poe standing near the wall with his hands on his hips. Deeper into the room, a pair of droids fired at the one named Finn as he bobbed and weaved to avoid the blaster fire. Poe looked up at her with a big grin on his face. He turned his attention to Ben and his eyes narrowed. 

“Should he even be allowed to walk around?” Poe pointed at him as he turned his attention to Rey. “He Force choked Luke, your mentor.”

Rey folded her arms against her chest. “Ben reacted badly to Luke touching him. You can’t fault him for it. You don’t know their history.”

Poe ran a hand over his face. “Are you sure we can trust him?”

“I’m right here.” Ben took a step closer. 

Finn rolled between the two battle droids, forcing them to fire upon each other. Finn jumped up as one droid fell over in a spasm of sparks. He raised an eyebrow and stared at Poe. Then at him and Rey. Sensing the men’s unease and distrust, Ben gritted his teeth. How could his mother want him to fight alongside these people when they didn’t even trust him? Did she take any of that into consideration or was all this an excuse to get him to return to her? Finn strode toward them, his blaster held in his hands as his eyes flicked from one to the other. 

“What’s going on?” Finn asked as he joined them.

Ben rolled his eyes and strode toward the weapons rack in a corner of the room. He thought of using his saber, really test her skill against his blade. He wanted to see how good she really was, how well Luke had trained her. Focused on his own opponents, he hadn’t witnessed her fight with the Knights. They hadn’t been a match for her, but how would she hold up against him? He lifted a wooden blade the same size as his saber from the rack. He didn’t need to use his lightsaber to test her. A wooden replica would work just as well. 

He twirled the wooden blade, tested its weight, its balance. Movement in the corner of his eye drew his attention to Rey as she strode toward him. Her gaze wandered over him and heat poured through him. He held his breath as she drew closer, his gaze roaming over her body. A blush tinted her cheeks as she stood before him. 

Motion behind her caught his attention. Poe and Finn headed for the doors to the training room. Poe stopped before the door and looked back at him, eyes narrowed. He sensed the man wanted to remain, probably to make sure Ben didn’t hurt Rey like he’d hurt his uncle. Finn grabbed the man’s arm and yanked him out the door. The door slid closed, leaving him alone with Rey. 

“I convinced the two to give us the room.” She whispered as she reached around him and took a wooden blade from the rack. The heat from her nearness flowed around him, through him. He swallowed as he forced himself to stand still. “We have the room to ourselves.”


	6. Chapter 6

The clashing of wood against wood bounced off the walls of the training room. Ben stalked around Rey, steering her toward the nearest corner. He slashed at her, only for her to block him. Spinning around, he swung his wooden sword at her midsection and she blocked his attack with ease. He smirked at her, twirling his weapon as he stepped around her in the other direction. 

“You’re better than when you were a child.” He told her.

Rey smiled, then swung her blade at his head. He ducked, spun around, and swung at her back. She rolled away and came up to kick him in his stomach. His breath left him and he stumbled back, but caught his balance. With a growl, he retaliated with a quick succession of attacks. Her eyes grew wide as she blocked each blow, backing away from him for better purchase. 

She rolled away from him and he whirled around to follow her. She leaped up and swung at him, but their blades collided. He shoved her weapon away and thrust his blade toward her stomach. She pivoted away from him, forcing him to chase after her. 

“I’ve trained almost every day.” Rey told him as she stood in the middle of the room.

“Almost every day?” Ben twirled his weapon in a lazy arc.

She rolled her eyes. “I told you, I had other obligations to the Resistance.” 

“Of course.” He aimed for her midsection, but she slammed her blade onto his, stopping the attack. 

With a smirk, he rained blow after blow upon her, pushing her to learn her limits. Surprise and unease flowed from her. He didn’t know if it was from his proficiency with a sword or something else. He admitted she was good with a blade, able to block and retaliate with ease and speed. A rush of admiration washed over him. He wished he’d seen her in action when they fought against the Knights of Ren.

Ben guided her across the room, the clacking of the weapons slamming against each other filling the space. His blood raced through his veins and his heart pounded, not just from exertion. He’d never been tested like this. At Luke’s academy, he’d always won or others were too afraid of him to go against him. Wanting to test herself, Rey always volunteered to fight him, but Luke had believed she was too young and inexperienced. He had offered once to practice with her after training, but Luke always gave one or both of them extra duties to perform. It annoyed him and made him wonder why Luke barely allowed them to interact with each other.

Ben didn’t see the blade coming at him. Stars exploded in before his eyes and he tumbled to the floor. Rey shouted his name and the world spun. He closed his eyes as her hands grabbed his shoulders, then his face. 

“Are you all right?” Her voice was filled with fright.

Spots sparkled in his sight and his head throbbed. He closed his eyes again and groaned. Pressing his fingers against his temple where she’d hit him, he hissed in a breath.

“That’s what I get for daydreaming.” He groaned.

“Stupid time to daydream.” Rey snapped as she helped him to sit up. “Am I that boring?”

He shook his head, then regretted it as his stomach rolled. Clasping his head in his hands, he bent double until the dizziness stopped.

“You’re not boring.” He gasped as he looked at his fingers. Blood didn’t coat his fingers and he relaxed. Running a hand over his face, he took a deep breath to calm himself further. His heart rate slowed, but his head still throbbed.

“I was thinking about how you tried to train with me when you were younger.” He looked at her, thankful the world stopped spinning. “I guess my memories took over.”

Rey rolled her eyes and shook her head. Grasping his hand, she climbed to her feet, helping him to his. She cupped his face with her hands and searched his face, searched his eyes.

“You might need to go to the medbay.” She suggested as she released him. “Just to make sure I didn’t hit you too hard.”

Rey squeezed his arm, then turned and retrieved her weapon. He watched her, his face still warm from where she’d touched him. His heart skipped a beat as he placed his fingers where her hand had been. She headed back to the weapons rack, his gaze roaming over her. A wave of dizziness washed over him again. He didn’t know if it was from his injury or his attraction to her. 

Sighing, Ben strode toward the doors, deciding to take her suggestion. He remembered passing the medbay on his way to the training room. At least, he thought it was the medbay. He’d been so enamored with Rey’s backside, he’d paid little attention to his surroundings. He turned a corner and spotted a Zabrak in a blue tunic leaving a room. Breathing a sigh of relief at heading in the right direction, he marched toward the door and stepped inside. 

All activity stopped when he entered. He scanned his surroundings as all eyes focused on him. People in white and blue uniforms stood near patients on beds or were in the middle of discussing with others in medical uniforms. He returned their gaze, his fingers curling into his palms. Maybe coming here hadn’t been a good idea.

“Can I help you?” A female Togruta dressed in white strode toward him, a datapad in hand.

“I was hit in the head with a practice blade.” Ben answered her.

She raised an eyebrow as she turned his head left then right. “Did you see who hit you?”

“I was practicing with Rey.” He answered as the medic took an instrument and scanned his head.

The Togruta snorted and flashed a light in his eyes. He blinked, fighting the instinct to move his head away from the brightness. The light flicked off and the medic stepped back.

“You’re fine.” She said with a sigh. “I’ll give you something for the coming headache.”

“Thanks.” He looked around the room as the medics resumed their work.

“You’re the lost son, aren’t you?” The medic tapped away on the datapad.

Ben ran a hand through his hair and bit the inside of his cheek. Narrowing his eyes, he gazed around the room. So that’s why they stared at him as if they wanted to put him under a microscope. They knew who he was and they didn’t know what to make of him.

“Yes.” He glared at the Togruta. “My mother thinks I can help with this war.”

She looked at him and lowered the datapad. “We could use all the help we can get. We’ve made some victories, but the First Order has more and better trained soldiers. I’ve seen both young and old succumb to their firepower.”

Ben looked at the patients on the few beds littering the room. One patient had all their limbs wrapped in bacta splints. Another lay in what resembled a bathtub, but the liquid appeared thicker than water. Still another attempted to walk across the room with help from a medic.

“They were in a battle with the First Order last week.” The Togruta answered his unasked question. “They were lucky.”

Ben shook his head. Did his parents really believe he could tip the tide for them? After not bothering to find him for years, they decided to search for him only for his help. Did they even care about him? Did they think if he saw the suffering of a few soldiers, he’d agree to help them? Irritation sprouted inside him, but he took a deep breath to calm himself. 

A sharp pain in his neck caused him to jump. He scowled at the medic, but she smiled as she placed a syringe back on the counter. His fingers flexed to throw her across the room, but he refrained.

“You’re good to go.” She resumed typing on the datapad. “Try to pay attention next time you’re sparring.”

Warmth spread across his face and he left the medbay before anyone saw it. Tightening his fists, he marched down the corridor toward his room. He tried to remember the turns Rey had made, but had to backtrack twice. Shoving his hands into his hair, he closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down and focus. Images of the corridor they went through and the people they passed appeared in his mind. He remembered counting the turns and corridors and his memory clicked. 

Sighing, he spun on his heel and headed back down the hallway.

_How the hell am I going to leave this place if I can barely remember the halls I’ve been down?_

Cursing himself again, he marched down the more familiar corridors to his room. 

****

Late in the night, Ben left his room and headed down the corridor. He brought up what he’d been able to map in his mind and followed the path back toward the hangar bay. The halls he strode down were devoid of people and for that he was grateful. When he came to a corner, he pressed his back against the wall and peeked into the next hall. Seeing there wasn’t anyone in sight, he headed down the corridor. He pushed his senses outward, scanning ahead for life signs. Ahead of him were occupied rooms. While more life signs walked down halls further away from him. Excitement bubbled up as he realized he might actually escape this ship before anyone saw him.

He turned a corner, relieved to find this hallway empty as well. A bit of doubt crept into his mind at the strangeness of the empty halls. This ship had to have the same amount of people as a small city. How auspicious was it to wander on a level not patrolled? Shaking his head, he pushed the unease to the side. If this level wasn’t patrolled, he knew the levels closer to the hanger bay had to be. His mother had to know he might try to escape. He’d told her enough times since his kidnapping that he didn’t want to be here. 

A door opened on his right and a short, dark-haired woman stepped out into the hall. His heart pounded against his ribs. Hoping to get around her before she noticed, he picked up his pace. 

She turned to face him and her eyes widened. “Ben? What are you doing up?”

He stopped in his tracks as he recognized the woman. Rose. She’d changed out of her jumper into a white tunic and beige pants. She stared at him with both apprehension and curiosity in her dark eyes. It emanated from her, but a dash of friendliness eased the trepidation.

Ben narrowed his eyes and curled his fingers into his palms. He didn’t have time to appease her discomfort. He moved to step around her, but she placed herself in front of him with a raised eyebrow. Gritting his teeth, he raised his hand to compel her to let him pass.

“Can’t sleep either?” She asked with a smile.

He blinked at her, her smile destroying any anger within him. It wasn’t like Rey’s, but it dismantled his animosity all the same. 

“I’m used to sleeping in a cabin.” He forced out before she grew suspicious. Maybe he could still salvage this. Put her at ease, make sure she suspected nothing. Agree to what she believed and move on.

Rose smiled and patted his arm. “You’ll get used to it. It took me a month before I could sleep on this ship.”

“You don’t leave the ship?” It was his turn to raise an eyebrow.

She laughed, a musical sound not unlike Rey’s. She shook her head and wiped a tear from her eye.

“I leave when I can.” She cleared her throat and tried to appear serious, but her eyes danced with mirth. “It can get a bit claustrophobic here, so I head down to the planet for some actual air. It’s beautiful down there. Rey loves it.”

A memory of Rey climbing a tree appeared in his mind. He’d basked in her laughter as she challenged him to follow her up. Instead of climbing the tree after her, he’d used the Force to bring her floating down to the ground. She’d laughed harder and teased him for cheating. Even though they were both lonely at the academy, she always seemed to find joy in the most ordinary things. He wished he’d been able to do that. Maybe then he’d be more comfortable around others, wouldn’t be so alone. 

“She always loved green things.” He said, more to himself than to her.

Rose must have sensed the melancholy in his tone, for she squeezed his arm. “She’s scheduled to go down there tomorrow to help fix some speeder bikes. Maybe you can go with her.”

An idea formed in his mind with those words. It’d be easier than sneaking down to the hangar bay. He’d actually have a reason to be down there and wouldn’t have to erase who knew how many minds.

_I could take over the shuttle._ He thought to himself. _Take it back home._

He wasn’t sure how many people would be on the shuttle, but he knew it’d be less than an entire hangar bay. It was better to control five people than fifty. With an alternative plan in mind, he nodded.

“Sounds like a good idea.” 

Rose smiled and patted his arm again. “Great. I’ll let the General know.”

He gaped at her. “My mother is still awake?”

“There’s a lot that keeps her up at night.” Rose stepped around him. “She worries and plans and argues.”

He watched Rose walk away. It wasn’t lost on him that his mother didn’t sleep. Even when he was younger, he remembered her coming home late at night from a meeting. She’d whisper to him as she tucked him in before disappearing into the next room. Her voice would float toward him as she practiced some speech or argument. Had she ever felt guilty for the hours she’d spent away from him, letting droids or an uncle to watch over him? Did she regret it now? Gritting his teeth, he made his way back to his room. 

It didn’t matter. After tomorrow, he wouldn’t have to worry about any of this again.

****

Ben stepped into the hangar bay and was greeted by his mother and Rey. He gawked at his mother as she strode toward him. Dressed in dark blue robes, her eyes roamed over him. Twisted into a thick braid, her graying brown hair wrapped around her head like a crown. Her eyes crinkled as she smiled and cupped his face in her hands. 

“When Rose came to me to talk about you, I feared you were attempting to escape.” She brushed her hands over his black tunic as she held his gaze. “Imagine my surprise when she suggested you wanted to join Rey down on Endiad.”

He narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. She had to know escape was still a priority for him. She had to sense his anger at the entire situation she’d put him in. Did she fear he might escape? Would she attempt to stop him? 

He turned his attention to Rey as she stood beside his mother. Her gaze took him in and his body warmed under her inspection. The gray jacket and dove gray pants hugged her form and his mouth watered. Could she sense his arousal? He dragged his gaze from her and stepped back from the two.

“I’m just curious about the planet.” He told them, hoping the lie was believable. 

Rey smiled at him. “You want to climb some trees, Ben?”

The image of them climbing trees appeared in his mind. He couldn’t help it, he laughed. It was a short bark and it echoed through the hangar bay. A few workers deeper in the bay stopped and stared at him. He bit his lip to keep his temper under control. This close to returning to Nithian, he didn’t want to screw it up. Shaking their heads, they went back to work.

“I believe the trees are tall enough for you to climb.” Rey took his hand in hers.

Warmth spread through him from their touch and his breath caught. Staring at their clasped hands, heat pooled in his center. They’d touched hands before, but he still reacted the same way. It’d been so long since anyone had touched him, he doubted he’d ever get used to it. 

Tenderness glowed in her hazel eyes. His heart clenched and a fire ignited within him. She squeezed his hand and an image of the two fighting side by side flashed in his mind. He couldn’t see where or when, but he knew it wasn’t from when they’d fought the Knights. This vision didn’t include trees nor was at night. The vision vanished before he could study it further.

Why hadn’t that happened when she took his hand earlier? Why was he being shown this? What did it mean?

“Let’s get on the shuttle.” Rey’s voice was hesitant, but he detected a hint of surprise. Did she see the vision as well? She stared at him, her eyes dark with something he couldn’t identify. 

He allowed her to lead him across the space toward a shuttle being prepped for use. A few soldiers marched up and down the ramp and he tensed. 

“It’s all right.” Rey glanced at him over her shoulder. “People come and go to Endiad almost every day. This group is going down to relieve a squadron that’s been down there for a month.”

Ben watched the group of five tromp up the ramp and into the shuttle. He didn’t relax as he realized he needed to change his plan. He still intended to steal the shuttle, but now he had to adjust the plan to incorporate the soldiers. 

_It can still work._ He promised himself. _I just have to take them out before I get to the controls._

He followed Rey up the ramp and into the shuttle. Two of the five sat in the pilots’ chairs and started up the engines. The ramp lifted upward, closing him off from the hangar bay. He glimpsed his mother watching him, a slight smile on her face. He sensed hope radiating off her and his heart constricted. She really thought he’d be the one to help the Resistance turn the tide. Clenching his jaw, he turned from the door as it closed. He strode deeper into the shuttle as it lifted off the floor. 

Rey sat on a bench attached to the wall and he took the spot beside her with a sigh. He ran his hands over his face, then glanced at the soldiers. A couple of them leaned against the wall, while another paced back and forth in front of him. 

“Sit down, Davis.” One soldier against the wall barked. “You’re making me nervous.”

“Why was I picked for this, Taren?” Davis growled as his fingers danced over his blaster rifle. “Flying makes me nervous.”

Taren stared at him as if he’d grown a second head. “You’re afraid of flying, yet you’d rather stay on a ship that’s floating in space?”

Davis stopped and stared at his comrade. “At least on the _Corsair_ , I can’t tell I’m floating in space. It’s like being on the ground. This,” he waved his hands around the shuttle. “is flying. I can tell we’re moving. My stomach drops when this thing moves.”

Ben bit his lip to keep from snapping at the annoying man. Irritation rose within him as Davis continued to whine. He ran a hand through his hair and sat back against the wall. He stared at the soldier through his lashes and pushed into Davis’s mind.

_Stop talking._ He sent Davis, pushing his dark power behind the words. _You’re fine. You’re not on the shuttle. Be silent._

Davis stopped pacing and blinked at those around him. His features relaxed and he scratched his head. Clearing his throat, he looked around the shuttle as if lost. Ben used the moment to push into the rest of the soldiers’ minds. 

_Sleep._ He demanded. 

The three soldiers in front of him collapsed to the floor of the shuttle.

“Ben!” Rey leaped to her feet. 

“What’s going on back there?” One of the pilots asked.

Ben climbed to his feet. Rey stepped in front of him, her hand near her saber. He glared at her, but didn’t grab his saber. His heart hammering in his chest, he stood as motionless as possible. He could force the pilots to sleep from here, but she blocked his path to the controls. He could push her out of his way, but he didn’t want to hurt her or cause her to retaliate.

“Move.” He growled, narrowing his eyes.

“No.” Rey raised her chin and her eyes flashed with fire. “You planned this, didn’t you?”

“I’m going home.” He snapped. “I never intended to stay.”

She shook her head. “You’ll break your mother’s heart.”

“She broke my heart.” He sneered as he stepped toward her. “I don’t owe her anything.”

With a growl, he grabbed her arm to push her out of the way, but she wrenched it from his grip. With her other hand, she Force pushed him backward, far enough away from the cockpit. She ignited one blade of her double-bladed lightsaber and stood between him and the pilots.

“What the hell?” One pilot yelled as he glanced behind him. “What’s going on?”

“Keep flying.” Rey demanded as she stepped into a fighting stance.

Ben climbed to his feet and unhooked his saber. Igniting it, he spread his feet apart and narrowed his eyes at her.

“You think you’re ready to take me on?” Ben taunted as his darkness swelled within him. 

“You’re not taking this ship, Ben.” Rey’s voice was filled with both promise and calm.

Twirling his saber, he charged at her.


	7. Chapter 7

Rey raised her saber to block his downward swing. He stared into her eyes as their blades sparked and spat between them. Anger and disappointment flickered in the hazel. A part of him, the part that remembered her laughter and smiles, recoiled with sadness. She pushed against his saber, but he used his strength and height to shove back. 

“If you weren’t going to stay, why didn’t you leave last night?” She growled as she pressed harder against his blade.

“I was going to, but your friend Rose gave me a better idea.”

Rey blinked and he used the moment to push her blade away. With a snarl curling her lips, she swung at his head. He ducked, grabbed her arm and yanked her out of his way. She tripped over an unconscious soldier, but ducked into a roll to come up behind him. With her no longer blocking his path to the pilots, he marched toward them.

“Ben!” Rey shouted behind him. 

As if sensing his intent, the co-pilot twisted in his seat and fired a blaster pistol. Pain tore through him and he dropped to his knees. Footsteps strode toward him from behind and he pushed himself to his feet. Spinning around, he aimed his saber at Rey. He clutched his stomach with his left hand, digging his fingers into the wound.

Raising her left hand, she lowered her saber. Concern flared from her and her gaze dropped to his stomach.

“We have a medbay on Endiad.” Her voice was soft, but her breath caught as she stepped closer to him. “Let us help you.”

Ben narrowed his eyes as dark power surged through him, giving him strength, erasing the pain. With a snarl, he swung his saber at Rey. She ducked under it, but he spun around and repeated the attack. She lifted her saber, blocking the swing.

The shuttle suddenly tilted to the left, throwing them both off balance. Ben stumbled backward, tripped over a soldier, and crashed into the wall behind him. Pain shot through his back and he sucked in a breath. Rey toppled forward, her lightsaber clattered away from her fingers. She slammed her shoulder into the wall beside him. Using the pain to fuel him, he scrambled to his feet and stomped toward the pilots. Using the Force, he yanked the pilot out of his chair and flung him toward the back of the shuttle. The co-pilot stood from his chair and aimed his blaster at him. The gun left the co-pilot’s hand to slap into Ben’s. Keeping his eyes on the co-pilot, he strode toward the pilot’s seat.

“Ben.” Rey pleaded behind him. “Stop.”

Ben deactivated his saber and placed it on his belt. He glared at the co-pilot, then lifted his right hand and touched the man’s temple. The soldier collapsed into the chair. 

Sighing in relief, he tossed the blaster on the console and sat down. He stared at the controls for a moment, getting his bearings. A haunting memory of when he first typed in the coordinates to Nithian drifted into his mind. The Sith texts had mentioned it being a conduit of dark side power. Not as powerful as Korriban, but strong enough. For three years, it’d been more a home to him than Luke’s academy or his own parents. Taking a deep breath, he typed in the coordinates to Nithian and hit the button for hyperspace.

“No, Ben!” Rey shouted behind him as the ship entered hyperspace.

He didn’t look at her as her footsteps pounded on the floor. Her presence rippled around him, filling his awareness with her. His fingers curled within themselves as he focused on the view port in front of him.

“You’re injured.” She panted beside him. “You need medical care.”

“I’m fine.” He growled without looking at her.

“No, you’re not.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll see if this shuttle has a medical kit.”

He refrained from rolling his eyes as he folded his arms against his chest. His side throbbed and he knew he’d lost blood, but the pain kept him awake, kept him focused. His darkness swirled within him, fueling his power. He needed to stay awake, for he knew the moment he gave in to the pain, Rey would take the controls and head back to the Resistance. He couldn’t let her do so.

“Let me look at your wound, Ben.” Rey demanded.

Ben glared at her. “Leave it.”

She shook her head and tossed the medical kit on the console. He stared at it as she grabbed his arm.

“I’m looking at it whether or not you like it.” She snapped as she yanked on his arm. “Don’t make me knock you out.”

He wrenched his arm from her grip, sending another wave of pain surging through him. He bit his lip to keep from crying out. 

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” He snarled as he pushed from the chair. “The moment I’m unconscious, you’d take this ship back.”

Rey ran a hand through her hair, but didn’t turn away. She glared at him, a fire in her eyes. An answering fire flared to life deep inside him, flashing through him. His gaze dropped to her lips and his heart pounded against his ribs.

“We’ll reach Nithian in a few hours.” He told her, his voice calm.

“What are you going to do with the soldiers?” She motioned to the unconscious Resistance members.

“They can take the shuttle back.” He sat back down and stared out the view port. “I won’t stop them.”

“You really think we’ll leave you on that planet?” Rey snapped as she hovered near his shoulder. “I spent months searching for you, Ben. I won’t let all that go to waste. I’m not letting you go to waste.”

He glared at her, a sneer curling his lip. “You think I’m wasting my life on Nithian? You think I’d be better off fighting in a war I care nothing about?”

Rey shoved her hands into her hair and paced away from him. Sighing, he turned back to his vigil. His gaze flicked to the medical kit. As much as the pain fueled his power and darkness, leaving the wound alone was also risky. It wouldn’t do well for him if he passed out from blood loss. Grumbling, he snatched the kit off the console and popped it open. The kit held gauzes, bandages and a tube of bacta gel.

“Let me help.” Rey placed a hand on his shoulder. 

Warmth spread through him at her touch and his breath hitched. His fingers gripped the box tight enough to break it. Closing his eyes, he basked in her touch, letting the sensation spread through him to join the arousal she’d created within him. The kit slipped from his fingers and he opened his eyes to watch her hands take it from him. 

“Take off your tunic.” She ordered as she used the Force to move the co-pilot out of the chair. 

Ben smirked. “Eager to see me half naked?”

Her eyes widened as realization hit her. She took a step back as her face turned a bright shade of red. He bit his lip to keep from laughing. The way she blushed was too adorable. He missed teasing her and his heart clenched. 

“I need to look at your wound and taking off your shirt is the best way to do it.” She kept her gaze averted as her face turned even redder.

“I’m teasing, Rey.” He stood from the chair and took off his tunic. He winced as he slipped it off his arms and shoulders. 

“Doing this is reckless.” Rey admonished him. 

She took out the tube of gel, then placed the box on the co-pilot’s seat. Her gaze roamed over him and he held his breath as if waiting for her reaction. Heat flowed through his veins under her gaze. Her face was a cool mask, but he caught her swallowing. Taking a deep breath, she stepped closer, mumbling something he couldn’t decipher. She spread some gel over her fingers, then rubbed it against his wound. A gasp escaped him and his stomach clenched. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to stand still.

“Sorry.” She whispered as she looked up at him.

Ben shook his head. “Can’t be helped.”

Closing his eyes, he drew the pain within him, letting it strengthen him. The cool gel on his skin tingled and the pain subsided. She put the tube back in the kit and returned with a bandage. She looked up at him; the hazel pulling him in.

“The Resistance will know something happened, Ben.” She told him as she ripped open the package. “They’ll figure out you stole the shuttle and come after you.”

Ben said nothing as she placed the bandage on his wound. There wasn’t anything to say. It was a risk he’d been willing to take. He knew he had to tell her why he needed to get away, why he wanted to return to Nithian. Would she even understand?

“I’m not going back, Rey.” He replied.

She shook her head and removed the gauze from the kit. She remained silent as she unraveled the gauze, then wrapped it around his waist. The warmth from her nearness spread through him while the scent of flowers caressed his nose. His fingers itched to pull her against him. He bit the inside of his cheek, reminding himself of her as a child. She might be a woman now, but he couldn’t separate her from the child he knew.

_You’re being ridiculous._ He scolded himself. _She’s grown up. You’re attracted to her. There’s nothing wrong with that._

Rey cut the excess off the gauze and tossed the roll back into the kit. She looked up at him and he fell into her eyes. The urge to kiss her welled within him and his gaze dropped to her lips again. He licked his own as heat poured through him. 

“You should sit down.” Rey whispered as she handed him his tunic back. “You look like you’re about to pass out.”

Swallowing, he took his tunic from her and slipped the garment back on. He winced and cursed himself for showing any weakness. Gritting his teeth, he plopped back into his chair. 

A groan behind him reminded him they weren’t alone. Narrowing his eyes, he glared at the Resistance fighters lying on the floor of the shuttle. One pushed himself to his knees and rubbed his temples. Ben climbed to his feet, but Rey placed a hand on his chest. 

“I’ll check on them.” She pushed him back down. “They won’t hesitate to attack you now.”

Running a hand through his hair, he watched Rey head toward the guards. The one who’d awakened looked at her as she helped him to his feet. Sneering, Ben swung back around and glared out the view port. He couldn’t let these people leave, but he didn’t want them to be around. 

Placing his head in his hands, he growled low in his throat. He should send them back to his mother with the shuttle, but they’d know where Nithian was and come looking for him. He could kill them, but Rey would hate him and she’d signal the Resistance to his location. 

_I can’t let them stay._ He leaned back in his chair. _I wouldn’t be any better than them._

Sighing, he stared at the streaking stars. Shuffling and more groans alerted him to the others waking up. He glanced over his shoulder to the cargo hold. Rey helped the fighters to their feet and led them to the bench. They glanced around the shuttle, a few locking their gazes on him. One tried to stand, but Rey convinced the soldier to sit back down. She looked at him, said something to the group, then headed back toward him.

“I told them what’s going on.” She picked up the medkit from the co-pilot’s seat and sat down. “They’re not happy.”

“I didn’t expect them to be.” He replied as he folded his arms against his chest. “I don’t know what to do with them.”

“Let them go.” She offered.

He shook his head. “I can’t let my location get back to my mother. She’d send more people to come after me.”

“I can compel them to forget.” She reached over to place a hand on his arm. “They might not know exactly where you are, Ben. They were unconscious most of the time.”

“You know where Nithian is.” He stared at her.

Rey shook her head and squeezed his arm. “I’m not leaving you.”

His heart clenched. The memory of him leaving her behind while he escaped in his uncle’s X-wing flashed in his mind. It hit him then that this woman had forgiven him for leaving her behind. Had she even wanted him to take her with him? The hurt and fear in her eyes at the time had haunted his dreams for years. He turned from her and closed his eyes.

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did.” Ben whispered. “I left you with Skywalker.”

Rey sighed and sat back in her chair. “I should’ve helped you back then, but I didn’t believe I’d be much help.”

Ben shook his head. “I thought about taking you with me, but I wasn’t sure you wanted to come along. Then I thought where I was going wouldn’t be a place for you.”

“I’m here now, Ben.” She told him, the resolve in her voice bringing his attention to her. The fire returned to her eyes, pulling him into her gaze. Excitement, determination, and hope flowed from her. Her Light wrapped around him, offering warmth and serenity where his darkness could not.

Narrowing his eyes, he turned his attention back to the controls of the shuttle. He brought it out of hyperspace and Nithian filled the view port. The dark side poured from the planet, wrapping around him, pushing her Light away.

“We’re not going on that planet.” One soldier barked. The click and hum of a blaster being turned on rang in the small space.

“You can stay on the shuttle then.” Ben growled as he maneuvered the shuttle into the atmosphere. 

“Turn this shuttle around.” The officer demanded. Footsteps clanged toward him. “Now.”

Ben didn’t look back, but from the corner of his eye, he saw Rey stand.

“You’ll be allowed to return to the Resistance.” She said, her power, her influence permeated the shuttle. “Just let him land the shuttle and you’ll be allowed to go.”

“General Organa had you looking for him for months and you’re just going to let him leave?” Disgust filled the soldier’s voice. “I don’t think so.”

Ben guided the shuttle through the clouds. Anger rolled through him. They took him from his home, demanded he help them defeat the First Order. His mother hadn’t even bothered to ask him if he wanted to be a part of her war. She just assumed he’d help them because they were family. His fingers shook as he guided the shuttle closer to the planet’s surface. 

Narrowing his eyes, he tilted the shuttle to the side. The soldier behind him cried out in surprise, followed by a body hitting the hull. Rey stumbled into him. She grabbed the back of the chair and his shoulder to keep herself standing. He felt her glare, but he righted the ship a moment later.

“Sit down.” He growled as he maneuvered the ship toward his cabin.

****

Leaves drifted on the breeze, tumbling through the air to land on the ground. Birds filled the air around him as he marched away from the shuttle. His gaze flicked to the ground around the trees to find the bodies of the Knights of Ren weren’t there. His brow furrowed as he remembered Rey told him some of the Knights woke up. He hadn’t taken the Knights to be the type to care for their dead. Shaking his head, he continued toward the cabin.

A flash of red caught his eye and he stopped. He scanned the ground, hoping to catch it again. Darkness flowed toward him, calling out to him. Whispers that didn’t sound like Snoke filled his head, coaxing him to follow. His fingers curled into his palms and his heart picked up its pace. Red flashed again and he marched toward the glinting.

“Ben!” Rey called behind him. “Where are you going?”

Ignoring her, he kept his gaze on the ground for the source of the flickering. The whispers grew louder and he recognized them. They were like the voices calling from the Sith holocron. He remembered Rey threw the device away before the Knights arrived. He slowed his pace and reached out toward the holocron. 

_I’m here._ He sent to the object. 

_Come to me._ The holocron whispered. _I will guide you to your destiny._

He scoffed. The words reminded him of something Snoke had said. Destiny didn’t care about what he wanted, what he desired and strived for. He’d always done what he wanted, even if it was against what others planned for him. 

_Was falling headlong toward the dark side giving in to them?_ A dark part of him asked. _They thought you had already, so you proved it to them._

Ben glared down at the holocron, staring at the words glowing a bright red. The whispers entered his head, begging him to open it, to let the dark side fill him. He smirked. The dark side already infiltrated him, had since the day he’d been born. With a shrug, he picked up the holocron. The words glowed brighter and the whispers echoed in his mind to the point he couldn’t hear himself think.

“Ben!” Rey’s panicked shout yanked his attention to her. The voices ceased as she headed toward him. “Drop the holocron.”

Ben narrowed his eyes, his fingers wrapping tighter around the pyramid. He marched back toward the cabin, passing her on his way.

“That holocron will corrupt you, Ben.” She followed him, panic and concern beating at him. “You can’t keep it.”

He glared at her, bringing her to a halt. Her eyes pulled at him, her concern implored him to listen to her. His gaze dropped to the object in his hand. The voices were subdued, but they still whispered in his head. They still wanted him to open the holocron. The glow had dimmed, but it continued to entice him. Just like Rey’s calm presence pulled at him.

“You think I’m not already corrupted?” He stared at her through the hair that’d fallen into his eyes. “As far as Skywalker is concerned, I’ve always been corrupted.”

Rey shook her head and took a step toward him. He narrowed his eyes, but didn’t move. Instead, he held his breath, both hoping and dreading she’d touch him again. The sun shone in her dark hair, bringing out highlights he hadn’t seen before, hadn’t remembered her having. His breath caught and heat surged through him. Her skin appeared sun kissed in the natural light and he longed to kiss every inch. His mouth watered, then dried in time it took her to close the gap between them. 

“You’re not corrupted, Ben.” Her voice caressed him in a way he doubted her fingers ever could. “I can sense the darkness inside you, but it’s not evil. Don’t allow this holocron to change that.”

Movement behind Rey caught his attention. The Resistance soldiers headed toward them and the fingers of his right hand twitched near his lightsaber. Rey must’ve felt his tension, for she placed a hand on his arm and turned to face the others.

“We’re fine.” She said, stepping in front of him. Ben glared at the back of her head. He didn’t need her protection. “You can go back to the shuttle.”

The one called Davis stepped forward and raised his chin toward him. “He’s coming with us. Like Taren said, we won’t let all your hard work to find him be for nothing.”

Ben snarled and stepped around Rey to face Davis. “I refuse to be a pawn in your game with the First Order!”

Davis took a step back, his eyes wide. The man’s fear of him was palpable and his darkness reveled in it. He didn’t care to bask in it at the moment; he wanted these people off his planet.

“It’s not a game!” The officer he deemed the leader of this group stepped forward, pushing Davis behind him. “We need your help, Solo. We wouldn’t have bothered to look for you if we didn’t.”

Gritting his teeth, Ben spun on his heel and headed toward his cabin. Rey reached out to stop him, but he glowered at her. Sighing, she lowered her hand, but refused to leave him alone. He stomped into the cabin and tossed the holocron onto his bed. He strode toward the now cold fireplace and removed the cauldron. The scent of rot assaulted his nose. Coughing, he stepped toward the window and tossed the contents out.

The door opened behind him. Ben placed the cauldron back in the fireplace before turning to face the intruder. Rey shut the door, preventing the rest of the Resistance from entering the cabin. Narrowing his eyes, he stepped closer to her, planning on stepping around her. 

_I should’ve built this place larger._ He stared down at her and folded his arms against his chest.

Sighing, Rey refused to step out of his way. She held his gaze and raised her chin. Fire blazed in her eyes and determination radiated from her. Did she really think she could intimidate him into following her back to the Resistance?

“We do need your help, Ben.” Her voice was soft, but there was a hint of steel in her tone.

“So you keep saying.” He growled. “No one bothered to ask if I wanted to join your little war. You just kidnapped me and expected me to follow along.”

Rey blinked, then averted her eyes. Running a hand through her hair, she sat at the table. 

“You’re right.” She whispered as she looked up at him. “Everyone assumed you’d join our cause. No one bothered to consider what you wanted.”

“And yet you still kidnapped me.” He snarled and strode toward his bed. He glared at the holocron as it glowed softly. His fingers twitched to open it, but he forced his attention to Rey.

She turned in her chair to look at him. “I’m sorry, Ben, but we didn’t have time to discuss your feelings. The Knights found you and I needed to get you off the planet.”

“We have the time now.” Ben paced toward her, letting his anger, his darkness saturate the cabin. She stared at him, wariness flowing from her. Her hand dropped to her saber, but she didn’t unhook it.

“What can I do or say to convince you to help us?” Her voice was calm, gentle, but it didn’t waver even though he sensed her unease. 

“You lost that chance when you kidnapped me.” Ben snarled.


	8. Chapter 8

The door opened and Taren stepped into the house. Annoyed at the interruption, Ben glared at the man. The soldier looked from him to Rey as he stepped further into the house.

“We need to get back, ma’am.” Taren motioned toward the shuttle. “We’re receiving calls from the base asking where we are.”

Sighing, Rey ran a hand through her hair. She looked at him, but he folded his arms against his chest. He wasn’t going anywhere with her. He didn’t have a stake in this war. Narrowing his eyes, he turned his attention back to the holocron. The voices were soothing as they floated around in his head, coaxing him to open the holocron. They promised him the same things Snoke had promised. They sounded more convincing than Snoke, more willing to plead, less demanding. His heart thundered in his chest as he reached out toward the pyramid.

“Ben.” Rey snatched his arm, pulling him out of the trance. “We have to go.”

Growling, he yanked his arm from her grasp. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

Rey ran a hand over her face and turned back to Taren. “Let them know we ran into a bit of a problem, but should be back before the day is done.”

Taren raised an eyebrow at him. Ben said nothing, but glared at the soldier, who had the sense to back out of the house with a nod. 

“When are you going to get it through your head that I’m not joining you?” He snapped as he sat on the bed. 

Rey stared at him, then at the holocron beside him. Narrowing his eyes, he grabbed it off the bed and showed it to her. She took a step back and he pushed to his feet. She stared at the holocron, her eyes wide. The whispers grew louder. The dark power of the pyramid filled him, energizing his own darkness. Flames erupted in the fireplace, causing Rey to spin around to face it. Turning back around, she unhooked her saber and took another step back.

“Ben.” She placed her left hand between them. “You can’t stay on the sidelines.”

“I’ve been on the sidelines for the past six years, Rey.” He growled as he placed the holocron on the table. “What’s another six?”

“You really believe the Knights will stop hunting you?” Rey grabbed his arm, turning him to face her. “You really think Snoke will give up whispering in your head?”

“I can take care of the Knights.” He stared into her eyes and sensed her resolve tempered with concern. She wouldn’t leave him, would knock him out again if she had to. It both irritated and touched him. Shoving his hands into his hair, he turned away from her. How could she both ignite his temper and soothe him at the same time? 

“Eventually, Snoke will wear you down.” Rey warned him. “You can’t keep putting barriers up only for him to find a way around them. Let us help you.”

Did she really believe there was a way to keep Snoke out of his mind for good? Other than killing him, what could they actually do? Shaking his head, he laid down on his bed. Raising his hand, he called the holocron to him. It flew from the table to slap into his waiting palm.

“That holocron is just like Snoke, Ben.” She strode toward him. “It wants to twist everything you are to suit its needs.”

He glared up at her. “Sith holocrons are teaching tools just like the Jedi holocrons.”

“But, over time, these corrupt a person.” She sat on the bed beside his feet.

Locking her gaze with his, Ben placed the holocron on the floor. Her hazel eyes begged him, enticed him, offered him something neither the holocron nor Snoke could. Friendship, love, and a return to his family. He wanted those things, but were they real? Would she use them to convince him to join them, only to throw it away once he had accepted? Could he trust her not to? He ran his hands over his face and growled. 

“I know you don’t have a reason to trust me or your family, but-”

He laughed, one full of bitterness and despair. No, he couldn’t trust any of them. Shouldn’t trust any of them. 

The door opened again and Ben glared at the intruder. Taren cleared his throat as he stepped inside. He looked from him to Rey and took a deep breath as if to calm himself. 

“What is it?” Rey stood from the bed and strode over to him. 

Taren looked at him then focused on Rey. “I tried to tell them you have it handled, but the general demanded to know where we were.”

A chill spread through the house and Ben pushed himself into a sitting position. He glared at the soldier, who refused to look at him. His darkness swirled within him and he stood. Heart hammering in his chest, he unhooked his saber. 

“You didn’t.” Alarm coated Rey’s voice.

Taren swallowed and nodded. “I sent General Organa our coordinates. They’ll be here in a couple hours.”

“You what?” Ben ignited his lightsaber.

Taren aimed his blaster at him, but the rifle shook. He moved backward toward the door as if leaving the house would save him. Narrowing his eyes, Ben stepped forward. The table rose into the air and the fireplace blazed. Taren stared at the table and backed into the door. 

“Stop.” Rey stepped between him and Taren. 

She placed a hand on his chest and warmth spread through him. His breath caught and his fingers loosened around his saber. His mouth growing dry, he stared into her eyes. He didn’t see anger within the hazel, nor did he sense it from her. Instead, calm and determination rippled from her. Her mouth drew into a firm line even as her eyes softened. 

“You really think I’m going to let myself be kidnapped again?” He snapped, glad his voice didn’t relay the emotions swirling within him. He knew she had to sense them as he sensed hers.

Rey shook her head. “We’ll search for a way to get Snoke out of your head.”

His grip tightened around his saber. Did she really believe that or was it a ruse to get him to join them? Clenching his jaw, he took a step back. Her warmth left him, leaving him cold and angry. She sighed, curling her fingers into a fist as if trying to hold on to him. 

“With Jedi texts?” He sneered.

Rey shrugged and stepped toward him. Her eyes were dark with an unnamed emotion and heat poured through him. His gaze dropped to her lips. The only thing keeping him from slipping into her gaze was the crackling of his saber. He forced his breathing to slow as she stood before him. 

“Those barriers won’t hold for long.” Her gaze traveled over him and his body burned from it. “We both know that. Why don’t you let us help you?”

“Why do you even care?” He growled, deactivating his saber and turning from her. “Do you really care or is this all some ploy to get me to come with you?”

“I care, Ben.” Rey snapped. “Your mother cares, your father. They want you back and it’s not because you can help us.”

He scoffed as he turned to face her. “Why should I believe you? They’ve had six years to try to find me!”

“I found you!” Rey stomped toward him, her eyes blazing like the flames in the fireplace. “I knew exactly where you were six years ago, Ben. I could’ve told them.”

“But you didn’t because you were afraid.” He stepped around her. 

His gaze fell on Taren standing by the door. The soldier stared at them and fear emitted from the man. Fear of intervening, fear of leaving, fear of a fight breaking out in this small house. Ben strode toward Taren and he tensed. 

“Go back to the shuttle.” Ben snapped. 

Taren shook his head and straightened. “You’re not getting away again.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “You’re locking yourself in with a dangerous Force-user just so I can’t leave?”

Taren swallowed, but nodded. Ben stared at him, both impressed and irritated. He didn’t know whether to pat the guy on the shoulder or throw him against a wall. Shaking his head, he turned to face Rey, who stared at him with equal amazement.

“All we can do now is wait.” Rey motioned toward the table which had settled back down on the floor.

He stared at her as she took a seat. There were things he could do besides wait. He could fight his way out of the house, fight his way to the X-wing, and leave again. Running his hand through his hair, he paced to the fireplace. It’d be pointless. There wasn’t anywhere he could go where she wouldn’t be able to find him. She’d tracked him here through the Force, she could track him anywhere.

_There is a place she won’t go._ He stared out the window to the X-wing. _Korriban._

He should be able to make it to the ship before she stopped him. A knot formed in his stomach and he closed his eyes. He didn’t want to be on the run. If he did, he’d be running forever; from Snoke, from Rey, from his mother. All because none of them would leave him alone. He didn’t want to live a life like that, always on edge, always looking over his shoulder. What kind of life was that?

_I can offer you a way out of it._ Snoke whispered in his mind. _Come to me and I’ll keep them away from you._

Rage burned through him and the dishes on the mantel rattled behind him. Taren gasped and a chair scraped against the wooden floor. He didn’t turn around, but kept his eyes closed. His hands curled into fists at his sides. 

_You have nothing I want._ He growled at Snoke.

_I can offer you power._ Snoke’s oily voice wrapped around his mind. _I’ll give you the peace you seek. Your parents threw you away. We will punish them for it._

_I have power._ Ben scoffed. _I’ll have peace when everyone leaves me the hell alone!_

A dish behind him shattered. Rey called out to him and the door opened and slammed. He kept his eyes closed as his nails dug into his palms.

_Your power is the reason no one will leave you alone!_ Snoke snapped, then sighed. _Join me and those that have wronged you will be punished. No one will bother you again._

_Only you._ Ben snarled. 

Snoke chuckled in his mind. _You haven’t given yourself fully to the dark side. I’ll help you remedy that._

A warm hand gripped his arm and the voice disappeared. Opening his eyes, he turned to face Rey. Fear darkened her eyes and it flowed off her like an inky specter. He hadn’t felt such unease from her and it twisted the knot in his stomach tighter. He placed his hands on her arms and searched her eyes. 

“Snoke.” She whispered. 

Ben nodded and rested his forehead against hers. “He keeps asking me to join him. I’m running out of barriers to put up.”

She placed her hands on his face, forcing him to look at her. Resolve mixed with her fear and her Light wrapped around him like a blanket. He tried to pull away, but she held him. 

“You need to get him out of your head, Ben.” The steel in her voice caught his attention. “I know you want nothing to do with the Jedi, but at this moment what have you got to lose?”

“My temper.” He growled.

Rey burst out laughing. It danced around him and filled him with warmth and light. It chased away the darkness Snoke’s voice had brought, leaving him with a sense of calm. He couldn’t help but smile. 

Thirty minutes later, the rumble of familiar engines flew over his house. Spinning away from the window, he strode toward his bed. He paced, the whispers from the holocron filling his head. Glancing down at the pyramid, he knew he had to hide it from his uncle. Luke would demand he throw it away or destroy it. According to Luke, it’d be one more notch in the corrupt column. 

“I can sense your anxiety and anger from here.” Rey said from the table. “Calm down.”

He glared at her. “I can’t calm down.”

Sighing, Rey stood and strode toward him. He stopped and watched her, his body tense. She took his hands in hers and squeezed them. He fell into her eyes, fell into the warmth he saw there.

“You’ll be fine.” She soothed. “I’ll explain what happened. They’ll understand.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Understand that I want nothing to do with them?”

“They care about you.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She told him this, but he still didn’t believe it. If they cared about him, why had they pushed him onto his uncle instead of helping him cope with his powers? Why were they so afraid of him? Why did they think his uncle could do better when he’d felt the same as them? Should he help his family when they didn’t even bother to help him? 

The door opened and he forced himself to look at the newcomer. His father stepped into the house, his gaze traveling around the house before settling on him. Chewie followed in after, his furry head brushing the ceiling. 

Han smirked at the Wookie. “Didn’t take you into consideration when he built this, did he?”

Ben gritted his teeth. “I wasn’t expecting visitors.”

His father sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Placing a hand on his hip, he looked around the house again.

“You built a delightful house here, but I don’t think it’s a home.”

“It’s been more a home than the Academy you banished me to.” Ben bit out.

Han rolled his eyes and strode toward him. Ben unhooked his lightsaber, but his father stopped. He raised his hands as if soothing a wild animal.

“I know you’re pissed at us, I understand, but you need to put that behind you.”

“How can I when your very presence shoves it in my face?” Ben ignited his saber.

“Ben.” Rey stepped in front of him, forcing him to look at her. 

His breathing filled the air and Chewie growled low. A heavy thickness joined his anger as all four of them stood stock still. He kept his gaze on Rey and let himself tumble into her eyes. The house and its intruders faded away, leaving only him and her. He basked in her nearness, yearning for her to touch him, to kiss him. As if reading his desires, she placed a hand on his face. Closing his eyes, pulling her warmth into him, he leaned into her palm.

“You’re right.” She whispered as she rubbed her thumb against his cheek. “It’s not fair to you to say that when you’re still hurting. But, he’s right. If you want to move past the pain, you have to face it head on.”

“Did the Jedi teach you that?” He growled as he looked at her. 

She smiled and ran her hand into his hair. Tingles danced along his skin, leaving fire in their wake. His breathing grew uneven and a different sensation filled the room.

“No.” She whispered as she leaned closer to him. “I can think for myself, Ben. The Jedi texts warned against darksiders and the dark side, but here I am trying to convince you to join us.”

Amusement danced in her eyes and he smirked. The Jedi of old would wonder why she hadn’t tried to turn him or hadn’t killed him yet. Then again, this could be her attempt to turn him. It wouldn’t work, though and he intended to prove it. Shaking his head, he deactivated his saber and turned his gaze to his father.

“You want my forgiveness, you’re going to have to earn it.” He bit out. 

Han spread out his hands. “Fine. We’ve all had a hand in where you are now, but we’re willing to fix it.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “Are you?”

“I am. I know your mother is. Luke is struggling with what he did to you and the comprehension he pushed you to this.”

His darkness swirled within him and dark power crackled through the room. Chewie mewled and Rey squeezed his arm. Han cleared his throat and rocked on his feet. Gritting his teeth, he clipped his saber to his belt, held out his hand, and called the holocron to him. The pyramid slapped into his hand and he curled his fingers around the edges. Without another comment, he marched out the door. 

Footsteps hurried after him as Rey’s calming presence wrapped around him. His darkness rioted within him and the holocron whispered in his head. He pushed the voices away as he stopped by the X-wing. He stared up at it, wondering if there was still a chance to head back to Korriban or anywhere else. Shaking his head, he gripped the pyramid tighter. 

Rey placed a hand on his arm and he looked at her. Could she sense his intentions even though he knew it’d be pointless to try to escape again? Would she follow him anyway? 

“I’d follow you wherever you go, Ben.” She whispered. “I know you’re still unsure about this, but I meant it. I will help you get Snoke out of your head. If that’s the only reason you’ll come with us, then I’ll accept it and honor it.”

Sighing, Ben turned from the X-wing and watched his father and Chewie head for the _Falcon_. His gaze fell to the holocron and let its darkness wrap around him. It called to him, begged him to open it, promised power and knowledge no Jedi had ever offered before. On Korriban, he’d learned more than what Luke taught him, but he knew there was more, had to be more. His curiosity for forbidden and dark knowledge had filled his lonely days on Korriban. He knew he still had a lot to learn. Snoke had even mentioned he hadn’t done all he could concerning the dark side. This holocron offered the same as Snoke without having to join anything. 

“You should leave that here.” Rey’s voice broke into his thoughts. He looked at her, his fingers flexing around the pyramid. “It’s darkness will overwhelm you, take over you.”

“Is that what the texts say?” He snapped, taking a step back from her. “Have you not considered they might fear the dark side because they refuse to understand it?”

Rey sighed. “Fine, bring it with you, but you better not open it, Ben.”

“Are you my mother now?” He stepped closer to her, letting his darkness wrap around her, caress her.

Her eyes darkened, not from fear, but arousal. Heat surged through him and his heart skipped a beat, then pounded against his chest. His breathing grew uneven and she licked her lips. Her gaze roamed over him and for a moment, the world fell away again. He reached out with his right hand and cupped her face. She sighed, her eyes closing and his dick strained against his pants.

“I’m not your mother.” She whispered. “But I don’t want you to make a mistake you can’t undo.”

Anger rolled through him, chasing his arousal away. Narrowing his eyes, he stepped away from her. The only mistake he made was agreeing to come with them. He could fix that right now. Gritting his teeth, he spun on his heel and headed back to the cabin.

“Ben!” Rey shouted as her footsteps hurried after him. 

Igniting his saber, he spun to face her, pointing the blade at her. She slid to a stop and unhooked her weapon. Her eyes were wide, apprehension flowed from her, but she didn’t activate her weapon.

“You can’t keep doing this.” She took a step toward him, her eyes pleading with him. “Sooner or later, you won’t have a choice in the matter.”

“It seems I don’t have a choice now.” He glared at her down the blade of his saber.

She took a step toward him. “I know it might seem like it, but would you rather make the choice of your own free will or be forced into a situation not of your making?”

“Are you threatening me?” He growled, his darkness and anger building within him. 

Rey shook her head, her eyes softening. “I want you with me, Ben. I don’t want to be forced to fight you. I found you after years of searching and regretting. You were there for me all those years ago. Let me be here for you now.”

He swallowed as his resolve dissipated. Her desperation for him not to leave her beat at him. He could argue against her reason, her pleading. She had offered to help get rid of Snoke. Even if he didn’t like the way she’d go about it, it was more help than anyone ever offered before. Closing his eyes, he lowered his arm and deactivated his saber. 

“The holocron stays with me.” Ben demanded.

Rey nodded and relaxed with a sigh. It was then he realized how tense she’d been. Would she have fought him, if he hadn’t agreed to go with her? He’d been prepared to fight her and he knew she’d sensed it. Running a hand through her hair, she placed her saber back on her belt. Taking a deep breath, she headed for the _Falcon_. 

Returning his saber to his belt, he followed her.


	9. Chapter 9

Ben sat on a bed in a room on the _Falcon_. Not wanting to be interrupted, he’d locked the door. He turned the holocron over in his hands as the voices whispered in his head. The lettering glowed a deep red and the pull to open the pyramid grew difficult to ignore. Would this thing have anything to teach him? Would it have the answer to getting rid of Snoke’s voice in his head? 

Sighing, he stood and tossed the holocron on the bed. He ran his hands through his hair and paced. He wanted to open it, to hear whatever teachings the thing offered. A small part of him, the part that sounded like Luke, warned him against opening it. To listen to Rey and find a way to destroy it. 

He stared at the holocron and the darkness within him swirled. The lights in the room dimmed as if his darkness spread out from him to engulf the room. His fingers curled into his palms as his blood whooshed in his ears. Stepping toward the device, the whispering formed words he could understand.

_You have learned much, but I can teach you more._ A male voice filled his mind. It wasn’t Snoke’s voice, but said the same thing Snoke had before. _You seek knowledge and I can offer it._

Ben scoffed and picked up the pyramid. He turned it over in his hand and the writings glowed bright enough to burn his eyes.

“How do I open it?” He asked through clenched teeth.

_You know how._ The voice was soft, soothing. Unlike Snoke. _Let the dark side guide you._

Ben closed his eyes and let the dark side flow through him. His darkness swelled, energized him. Electricity coursed through him and he gasped as he opened his eyes. 

The pyramid sprang open and a blue light shot out of the center. An image blinked within the light and he stared in both awe and apprehension. He held his breath as the image solidified into the form of a male in black and red. He wore a smooth mask that seemed to gleam. The figure stared at him and he wondered if the hologram could actually see him. He dismissed it with a shake of his head. 

“I am Darth Revan.” The figure nodded to him. “I made this holocron, hoping to teach others in the ways of the dark side. Your ability to open this device proves you are worthy of being taught such secrets.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “I went to Korriban, searched the tombs and the academy there. I was there for three years. What more can you teach me?”

The figure folded his arms against his chest and cocked his head to the side. Again, Ben wondered if the hologram could actually see him. He glared at the form as a voice in the back of his mind demanded he close the holocron before it was too late. 

“You opened this holocron because you know there is more to learn. I will teach you.”

Growling, Ben closed the holocron and tossed it onto the bed. Shoving his fingers into his hair, he paced. He’d opened it because his curiosity got the better of him. He wanted to know how to block Snoke from his mind permanently. The Jedi couldn’t help him there. His fingers flexed as the impulse to open the pyramid again built within him. Should he have been so quick to dismiss the Sith? Could this device teach him what he needed to know?

A knock on the door behind him caused him to jump. He spun and glared at the door, his darkness and temper rising. 

“Ben?” Rey’s voice floated through the door, wrapping around him, soothing him. 

With a sigh, he relaxed and looked at the holocron. She couldn’t know he’d opened it. Plucking it off his bed, he marched toward a corner of the room. With his foot, he pressed a tile in the floor and it popped open, revealing one of the many hidden compartments his father had built into the ship. He dropped the holocron in the hole and pressed the tile back in place. Calming himself as best he could, he headed for the door and unlocked it with a wave of his hand.

The door slid open and Rey stepped inside. She looked around the room, turning in a slow circle as if searching or inspecting. She stood in the middle of the room as she turned to face him. 

“I told Luke about your situation-”

“You what?” Ben shouted, anger boiling through him. 

Rey gaped at him, but she didn’t back away. Instead, she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. He glared at her, his hands shaking from restraining himself from reaching for his saber. Luke now knew about Snoke in his head. He’d probably believe he’d been right in trying to kill him all those years ago. Would probably regret not doing it sooner. He spun away from Rey. 

“Luke needed to know.” Rey told him. “He wouldn’t have understood why I wanted to look at the texts.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re not allowed to look at those books?”

Rey sighed. “I am, but I didn’t know where to look, so I asked. I told him why and what I was looking for.”

Needing to release the pent up energy and anger, he paced. He understood her decision, but he hadn’t wanted Luke to know anything. He didn’t trust the old Jedi and he doubted his uncle trusted him, especially after Force choking him. Would he even be allowed to leave the ship after word of this little rebellion got around?

“He offered to help, Ben.” Rey continued. “He’s looking through the texts right now.”

Ben scoffed, but said nothing. What could he say that he hadn’t already? They all knew how he felt about his uncle, about his entire family. It wouldn’t have mattered, anyway. He’d said how he felt, what he wanted, and it’d been ignored. Sighing, he stopped in front of Rey. 

“We want to help.” She whispered as she placed a hand on his face. Heat and electricity coursed through him. Closing his eyes, he leaned into her touch. On instinct, he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her toward him. 

“You only want to help me because I can help you.” He growled as he searched her eyes. 

He needed her to tell him it wasn’t true. It was vital to him her reason to help him be because she desired to, wanted to take away the pain his family had caused him. His heart hammered in his chest, waiting for her reaction.

“We need your help, yes, but I’m not helping you because of that.” Her gaze fell to his lips. His breathing uneven, he licked his lips.

“Then why?” His voice was a whisper. 

“Because I can’t stand to see you in pain.” Her gaze traveled over his face as tears welled in her eyes. “I want to undo everything that’s ever happened to you to bring you to this.”

His lips twitched as his eyes stung. He longed to believe her. How he wished she could undo everything in his past that made him what he was now. Closing his eyes, he pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her. Heat spread through him where her body pressed against his. He breathed in her scent, buried his nose in her hair. 

“You can’t.” He whispered as he rubbed her back.

“I know I can stop Snoke from continuing to torment you.” She growled against his chest. “Let me help you in this. Please, Ben.”

He pressed a kiss on the top of her head. She stroked his back, stoking the flames being near her ignited. His hands moved up her back to tangle in her hair. She looked up at him and he trailed kisses along the side of her face. Her breath caught and her fingers tightened within his shirt.

“Ben.” His name was a breath. 

“Help me then.” He whispered against her ear. “If you think it’ll do any good.”

Rey stepped back and cupped his face in her hands. Her thumbs caressed his skin and a shiver rippled through him. He let out a shuddering breath as he fell into her gaze.

She smiled at him. “I’ll make sure he never torments you again.”

She pressed a kiss against his lips. Heat poured through him, coaxing the flames higher. Before he could deepen the kiss, she stepped out of his embrace. He blinked at her, dazed and wanting more. She ran her hands through his hair and more shivers danced across his skin. 

“Rey.” Ben whispered as he forced his heavy arms to reach for her. 

“We should arrive back at Endiad soon.” She replied as she strode toward the door. “We should find Luke when we land.”

She was out the door before he could argue. His desire and arousal vanished, replaced by anger. He should go after her, tell her he wouldn’t set foot anywhere near his uncle. He didn’t want to see Luke, didn’t want to have anything to do with him. To actually need to be in his uncle’s presence to discuss this irritated him to no end. 

Gritting his teeth, he spun on his heel and strode toward the hidden panel in the floor. He pressed his foot on it and it popped open. Taking a deep breath, he stared into the dark hole. Revan’s voice whispered in his head, but he couldn’t make out the words. If this thing held the answers he sought, he’d hear them. He had nothing else to lose.

Ben held out his hand and reached for the holocron through the Force. It shot out of the hole into his palm and his fingers curled around the device. Heart racing, he turned from the hole and strode toward his bed. Gathering his darkness around him, he closed his eyes and poured it into the holocron. A click filled the silence and he opened his eyes. The sides fell open, revealing the blue hologram.

“Are you ready to have the dark side revealed to you?” Revan asked.

“I know the dark side.” Ben snapped. “I control the dark side of the Force. Can you show me how to keep someone out of my head?”

The figure cocked his head as if mulling over his words. Ben narrowed his eyes, his fingers flexing around the holocron. Anger, hot and dark, burned through his chest. If he couldn’t get his answers from the Sith themselves, where else could he get them? He doubted the Jedi had any answers. He didn’t trust them, would never trust them again. 

“Mental barriers.” Revan answered.

Ben rolled his eyes, but held his temper in check. “I’ve tried. He finds a way around them. I need something else.”

Revan folded his arms against his chest. “You haven’t tried hunting him down and killing him?”

Ben snorted and paced the room. “Snoke wants me to come to him. He wants to be my Master, but I won’t have another person tell me what I can and can’t do. I will not be another person’s pawn.”

There was another knock on his door and he froze. His heart stuttered to a stop as he stared at the hologram in his hand. He couldn’t let anyone know he’d opened the holocron. Heart racing, he shut the pyramid and tossed it onto his bed. Hoping to keep the intruder out of the room, he strode toward the door. Blocking the doorway, he stared at his father.

“What?” He snarled, anger and frustration rolling through him. 

“You’re in a mood.” Han placed his hands on his hips. “We’re about to arrive at Endiad.”

Gritting his teeth, he debated on shutting the door in his father’s face. The fingers of his left curled into his palm as he braced the other against the wall. His darkness pulsed through him, champing at the bit to lash out, to punish his family for abandoning him.

“If that’s all, then go away.” He growled as he stepped away from the door.

Han stepped into the room before Ben could press the controls. He glared at his father, but didn’t make a move from the door. 

“You should leave.” Ben growled as he pressed the controls to open the door again. “Now.”

Han shook his head. “You’re not doing this, Ben. You’re not going to push us away.”

“You pushed me away!” He shouted as he took a step toward him. “You wanted nothing to do with me the moment I showed my abilities in the Force.”

Han sighed and ran a hand through his graying hair. He looked at the floor as he placed his hands on his hips again. Ben stared at his father, waiting. Would the man apologize? Would he explain why he’d rejected his only child? 

A memory flashed in his mind when he’d been three and his father showed him how to fly the _Falcon_. His father’s voice was soothing as he pointed to each button and switch, telling him what they controlled. He’d reached out to the buttons, begging in his child's voice to press all of them. The excitement and laughter echoed in his head and his heart clenched. 

Tears stung his eyes and he looked away. Pulling his darkness around him to block out the pain in his heart, he paced toward his bed and sat down. 

“We didn’t push you away.” Han whispered.

“The hell you didn’t!” Ben shouted, pushing to his feet. “You were afraid of me. You both thought I’d be another Vader.”

“Yes, we were afraid.” Han ground out. “We’ve never experienced a Force user with this much power before. We wanted to help you get this power under control.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “You wanted to control me.”

“No.” Han shook his head and took a step closer to him. “We didn’t want it to consume you. We knew you were afraid, too, Ben. We thought Luke might help you.”

“You didn’t want me around.” His voice caught and he cursed himself for his weakness. For needing his family, even when they didn’t want him.

“You’re my son.” Han placed his hands on Ben’s arms. “I wanted you since your mother told me she was pregnant.”

Ben closed his eyes as pain, anger, and regret flooded his being. He wished he could believe his father. He’d longed for their acceptance for years, even when he was at Luke’s academy. For years, he’d thought he’d done something wrong. Snoke had told him they’d feared his power and wanted to get rid of him, to forget him. When his parents hadn’t come to visit him or take him home, he’d realized Snoke had been right. He’d been a burden to them and handing him over to Luke had been a way to get rid of him. To learn they feared his power was another break in his heart.

“You threw me away and now you want my help.” He growled as he raised his blurry gaze to his father. “You expect me to save you from the First Order?”

Sighing, Han turned from him and paced the room. Ben watched his father, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. He kept himself still even as every nerve in his body surged with pent up energy. His darkness whispered to strike at his father, to throw him against a wall. Show Han the power he feared so much. Closing his eyes, he drew in a deep breath. What good would it do in the end? It might make him feel better, but it’d only prove to them they were right to fear him. 

_They should fear me._ His darkness whispered to him. _They should know the price for neglecting me, for leaving me with Skywalker._

“I know you don’t want any part of this war.” Han stopped pacing. “I know you don’t owe us anything, but I know deep down that you still care.”

“Don’t you dare manipulate me.” Ben growled, stepping forward, his hand near his saber. “I’m done with people trying to manipulate me.”

Han held out his hands. “It’s time for you to come home, Ben.”

Ben stepped closer to his father. “You took me from my home.”

“That wasn’t your home, son.” Han placed his hands on his hips. “That was self-exile.”

Tears stinging his eyes, he spun away from his father. He strode to his bed and stared at the Sith holocron. Maybe it had something to teach him about hardening his heart. He picked it up and the words glowed dimly. 

“We never stopped loving you, Ben.” Han’s voice held a hint of pleading and sorrow. “We started looking for you, but that was also when the First Order started their attacks.”

“How convenient.” Ben narrowed his eyes as his fingers curled around the holocron.

“Ben.” Han warned.

Ben spun around and headed for the door. It didn’t matter what pretty words any of them spoke. He knew the truth. They didn’t want him. He was only a tool they deemed to use against the First Order. His heart twisted with the knowledge. Had he been that all along, a tool to use against the next Empire? Had he ever just been their son? His vision grew blurry from the tears and he pushed the thoughts away. 

_I will not be an instrument they use then throw away._ He wiped the tears from his eyes as he marched down the corridors. _I’ll make them all pay_.


	10. Chapter 10

The _Falcon_ landed gently in the hangar bay. Glaring at the ramp, Ben punched the button to lower it. He watched it slowly glide to the floor as it revealed a small waiting gathering. His mother stood amongst a group of five Resistance fighters. Three of them aimed blaster rifles at him while the other two watched him warily. 

Leia strode forward and her guards shouted their protests, but she ignored them. He stood on top of the ramp and glared down at her. The urge to turn around and head back into the ship rocketed through him. His heart thundered in his chest as she climbed up the incline. His fingers wrapped around the holocron he held it at his side. What would she say to him now? Would she repeat what his father said? Would she implore him to stay? Would she finally admit to him and herself that he wasn’t worth the effort they’d put in retrieving him? He held his breath as she looked up at him. 

“We’re going to have a talk, Ben.” Leia pinched the bridge of her nose as if she had a headache.

His gaze drifted to the gathering behind her. His eyes narrowed and some of the group took a step back. The others raised their rifles higher.

“Under guard?” He asked, turning his gaze back to her.

Leia sighed and turned to the group. “Back to your duties.”

The soldiers nodded and left the hangar bay. She raised an eyebrow at him, then motioned for him to follow. He watched her march down the ramp, but didn’t follow. She turned to stare at him over her shoulder. 

“Go, Ben.” Rey placed a hand on his back and he stiffened. 

He looked at her and she offered him a small smile. Falling into her eyes, he relaxed. She always soothed him, ease his worries. Sometimes it frightened him, the power she had over him. Even when they were at the Academy, he’d sought her out after a rough day. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.

“She doesn’t have anything I want to hear.” He growled through clenched teeth.

“You need to hear it.” Rey whispered as she pushed him forward.

Curling the fingers of his right hand into his palm, he marched down the ramp. He glared at his mother as she stood with her hands clasped together in front of her. She held his gaze with a calmness that irked him. How could she be so calm when his fury boiled within him? Couldn’t she feel his anger? Did she even care?

“Why would I want to hear anything you have to say?” He bit out.

“Because you need to hear it.” She repeated what Rey had said a second ago.

Turning, she headed out of the hangar bay. Ben took a deep breath to calm himself, then followed her. He didn’t look back, but he sensed Rey’s gaze upon him. He wanted to go to her, to bask in her warmth and comfort. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself to walk through the doors of the hangar. The doors slid shut behind him and he didn’t feel her gaze anymore.

He followed his mother into a room with a glass desk and a simple black chair. A datapad sat in the middle of the desk. A small plant rested in one corner. Across from the plant, a personal holo projector rested on another corner. He stared at it as he drew closer. What image did the projector contain and how often did she look at it? His hand hovered over the device as a knot formed in his stomach. 

Movement caught his attention and he snatched his hand back. His mother stared at him, then at the holo projector as if wanting him to press it. He stared at the device, a part of him screaming to play it and the other snarling at him to leave the room. After a moment, Leia sighed and motioned for him to sit. 

His gaze wandered around the room, taking in a larger plant resting in a corner of the room. The walls were a pale blue and devoid of any decoration save for a viewscreen on the wall to his left and a large window behind his mother. He strode toward the window and stared down at the planet below. 

“We’ve received word that there’s a First Order base in the Larynteen system.”

He didn’t look at her as he narrowed his eyes. “You want me to go.”

“I don’t think you’re ready, yet.” Leia sighed behind him.

He looked at her then. “Then why are you telling me? Why am I even here?”

Leia stood and placed her hand on his face. Warmth and longing flooded him and he pressed his face into her touch. Memories of her comforting him when he was a child flashed through his mind. He tried to push them away, but the images refused to dissipate. He didn’t want to remember, but his brain had other ideas. Her soft brown eyes plagued his mind as he remembered how she’d whisper to him after having a nightmare. 

“I know I can’t make up for the pain we caused you, but I want to try.” She whispered as her thumb rubbed against his skin.

He stared at her, wishing he could believe her. Her eyes, filled with sorrow and longing, bore into his. Not able to withstand her sadness, he closed his eyes. Why couldn’t she have shown him this compassion instead of shoving him off to Luke? Why couldn’t she have realized the pain and confusion within him instead of throwing him away? 

Shaking his head, he turned from her. “I’m nothing but a weapon to you.”

“That’s not true, Ben, and you know it!” Leia grabbed his arm and turned him to face her.

He wrenched his arm from her grip, using his height to intimidate her. She stared up at him, her eyes flashing with anger and pain. He opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. It didn’t matter. She wouldn’t listen. She believed what she did to him was for his own good. Running a hand through his hair, he strode around the desk toward the door.

“You’re not leaving this room, Ben.” Leia warned him. “Not until we’ve talked.”

He glared at her. “You have no control over me. But that’s probably why you sent me to my uncle, wasn’t it?”

Leia stared at him and for a moment, he thought she wouldn’t answer. Had she finally admitted the truth by not speaking in her defense? 

His fingers flexed around the holocron. It whispered to him, adding to his darkness. Narrowing his eyes, he stepped toward the desk. He slammed the holocron on the desk and she gasped. His lips twitched at her surprise, her fear.

“Where’d you get that?” She asked, her voice laced with horror.

“I found it.” Ben replied as he placed his hands on the desk. “When I went to Korriban. It called to me, said it’d give me the answers I sought. That’d it teach me what I couldn’t learn elsewhere.”

Leia shook her head. “You didn’t open it, did you?”

Ben stared at the holocron, the red lettering glowing softly. Fear flowed off her in waves. It wrapped around him, coaxed his darkness to life. Whispers from both his darkness and the holocron chased each other in his mind, begging him to open the pyramid. He snatched the device off the desk.

“It’s none of your concern.” He growled.

Leia placed her hands on the desk and leaned forward. “Those things are dangerous, Ben. They’ll twist you into something you’re not.”

His fingers wrapped around the holocron. “You only know what your brother told you, what the texts told you. I know differently.”

“Because you went to Korriban?” Leia pushed from the desk and strode toward him. “The Sith use people, Ben. They twist the emotions of others to suit their own needs. They drain people and spit them out.”

“As if the Jedi are any better!” He snapped, taking a step closer to his mother. “The Jedi demand that you suppress your emotions. They demand their padawans be no better than robots! No emotions, no friends, no family. That’s what you condemned me to.”

Leia blinked at him. “You had Rey.”

He laughed, a bitter sound that twisted his heart. “He refused to let me train with her, barely let me speak to her. If we wanted to talk or spend any time with each other, it had to be behind Skywalker’s back.”

“He must have sensed your connection.” Leia sighed and stepped back around her desk.

“What?” Ben narrowed his eyes as a burning knot formed in his stomach. If there’d been something between him and Rey and his uncle sought to stop it, he’d never forgive his uncle. He barely forgave Luke for trying to kill him. 

Leia pinched the bridge of her nose and sat down. She looked at him as if debating whether or not to tell him. He placed the holocron on her desk. She stared at it, then at him. Placing his hands on the desk, he leaned forward.

“Tell me.” He demanded, putting all his darkness behind the words. 

“He told me before you fled the academy that he felt a connection between you and Rey.” She sat back in her chair, trying to distance herself from the pyramid. “It was strong, stronger than the connection between Master and padawan, stronger than he thought possible.”

He looked away. Instead of going to his uncle or meditation, he’d sought Rey out when he was upset. She’d done the same after a terrible day of training. He’d felt closer to her than anyone, including his parents. At the time, he’d thought they were close friends. They were the only companion the other had. Had it been something else drawing them toward each other? 

“Luke called it a Force Bond.” Leia told him. “I think that’s how she found you.”

He narrowed his eyes. “She told me she tracked me through the Force, tracked my Force signature.”

Leia smiled slightly. “You can only track someone that way so far. I think she used the Bond and didn’t know.”

“Skywalker didn’t tell her?” Ben lowered his voice, his anger bubbling under the surface.

“He didn’t believe she was ready to learn that she’s connected to you.”

Ben shoved his hands through his hair and spun away from the desk. He paced the room as his anger simmered. Luke had wanted to keep them away because of a Bond? How had it formed in the first place? He’d only heard of such a thing happening between masters and apprentices. What did it mean that it happened between him and Rey? Could he track her with it? Could he learn where she was at all times?

“Why are you telling me?” He stopped in front of the desk. 

“You deserved to know.” Leia answered. “I know you care about her.”

He stared at his mother, not knowing what to do with this information. He figured the Jedi texts would have something about Force Bonds, but he didn’t want to touch them. The texts would probably be filled with lies, anyway. Maybe that was why his uncle forbade him and Rey to even be near each other. Luke had read the texts and realized what was between him and Rey was stronger than a normal Force Bond. Maybe he was afraid they’d learn about it and attempt to use it. He looked at the holocron. Would it have anything about Force Bonds? Would it take a unique approach to such an ability than the Jedi? Would it consider a Force Bond something good and useful? 

“Did you tell her?” Ben asked as he picked up the holocron and turned it over in his hands.

“I’m going to unless you want to.” Leia offered.

He looked at his mother, then sat down in a chair. Would Rey be thrilled to be bonded to him? Would she be afraid? Would she be angry at his uncle for not telling her? For keeping them apart for so long? He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“I don’t think I could explain it.” Ben stared at the holocron in his hands. “I don’t even know how this Bond was formed.”

“Talk to Luke, Ben.” Leia implored, her eyes pleading.

Ben clenched his jaw and stood. “No. He tried to kill me. He tried to keep me from the only friend I ever had. I’m not talking to him!”

Growling, he spun on his heel and marched toward the door. His mother called to him, but he ignored her. He refused to have anything to do with his uncle. Luke gave up that right when he stood over him with an ignited lightsaber. Anger boiled within him and he picked up his pace. He needed to get away from here before he destroyed something. These people already feared him, slashing at the walls would only make things worse.

A door on his right slid open and his uncle stepped out into the hall. Ben froze, his blood turning to ice. The very person he wished to avoid stood right in front of him. 

“Ben.” Luke stared at him with eyes full of regret and sorrow. Did he remember what happened in the conference room not two days ago? 

“Stay away from me.” Ben growled as he unhooked his saber.

Luke sighed and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. He didn’t move or grab his lightsaber. Instead, he stared at him with those sorrowful eyes. 

“We need to talk.” Luke took a step toward him.

“No, we don’t.” Ben snarled as he ignited his saber.

Luke stood still, his gaze on the spitting and growling blade. Sighing, he folded his arms against his chest and leveled his gaze at him. Anger and darkness swirled within Ben and his arm shook from the effort of holding himself still. He wanted his uncle to make a move, to strike first. Prove to himself, Luke desired to hurt him like he had six years ago.

“You want to talk, Ben, otherwise you’d have attacked me by now.” Luke mentioned. 

Ben narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. Instead, he deactivated his saber and spun on his heel. He marched back down the corridor, ignoring the footsteps stomping after him. If he couldn’t get to his room, then he’d find some place else he could be alone. On a ship this size, he was sure there was somewhere. Maybe the lower decks held empty rooms. 

“Ben.” Luke grabbed his arm, yanking him to a stop.

Ben twisted around and Force pushed his uncle back down the hall. Luke slammed into the floor, but scrambled to his feet. He stared at him, but didn’t make a move for his saber. Ben glared at his uncle, his fingers hovering near his weapon.

“Leave. Me. Alone.” He growled as electric fire raced up and down his arm. “What do you not understand about that?”

Luke shook his head and strode toward him. “You’re not going anywhere until we talk. If I have to follow you around this ship, I will.”

“We have nothing to discuss!” Rage burned through him. Why did Luke want to talk to him now? His uncle had his entire life to talk to him, to understand him. He never once tried the whole time he was at the academy. 

“I think we do.” Luke took another step forward. 

Ben flung his right hand out and a stream of lightning flew from his fingers. Time seemed to slow to a crawl. Luke’s eyes widened and he ducked. His uncle spun around, drew his saber and ignited it. The green blade hummed softly. Images of Luke standing over him with that blade flashed in his mind. His heart thundered in his chest as he pushed the memories to the back of his head. Fear, hatred, and anger surged through him and he flung another wave of lightning at his uncle. 

Luke raised his saber to block the lightning. Ben snarled and increased the power, pushing his darkness into the wave. His uncle took a step back and a smirk crossed Ben’s lips. His uncle’s arms shook from the effort of blocking the lightning. 

“Still want to talk?” Ben asked as he pushed his uncle further down the hall. “Still want to reach me?”

“I’m not going to stop.” Luke gasped. “I need you to understand.”

“I understand perfectly!” Ben shouted and lowered his hand. “I understand you wanted to kill me because you were afraid of the darkness inside me.”

Breathing heavily, Luke lowered his saber. His gaze fell as if in shame, then widened. He pointed to the holocron in Ben’s left hand, fear radiating off him. 

“Where’d you get that?” Accusation filled his uncle’s voice.

Ben’s fingers curled around the holocron. “Korriban.”

“Did you open it?” Luke’s gaze rose to meet his. Fear darkened his eyes. 

Ben’s lip curled and he spun on his heel. He didn’t have to answer Luke’s questions. He didn’t have to talk to him at all. Luke wasn’t his master anymore. He didn’t owe him anything. Footsteps followed him, but he ignored his uncle.

“Give me that holocron, Ben.” Luke demanded. “It needs to be destroyed.”

Ben spun to face his uncle. “You lost the right to demand anything of me the moment you tried to kill me.”

Luke sighed and averted his gaze. Regret rolled off his uncle, but Ben didn’t care to bask in it. Let him wallow, he didn’t care. Sneering, he turned away and continued down the corridor.

“You can’t have the holocron.” Luke’s footsteps hurried after him. “It’ll corrupt you.”

“I’m already corrupted.” Ben snapped without stopping. “You made sure of that.”

“No, Ben.”

“Enough!” Ben twisted around and thrust out his hand. “I’m done listening to you.”

His uncle flew backward down the hall. His back slammed into a wall and he collapsed onto the floor. Growling, Ben marched down the corridor. He stepped into the first room he came to, hoping his uncle wouldn’t follow. 

The room he entered was small and quiet. He strode further into the room, his footsteps muted by a dark blue carpet. A small window let in the starlight, casting the walls in a soft blue-white glow. A light overhead flickered, then spread its soft, warm light through the room. An old tapestry, depicting a Jedi standing against darkness, hung from one wall. Narrowing his eyes, he fought the impulse to destroy the artwork. 

Forcing his gaze from the wall, he took in his surroundings. Devoid of any furniture, the place was obviously used for meditation. Did Rey meditate in this room? He didn’t doubt his uncle used it. His fingers tightened around the holocron. Taking a deep breath, his gaze fell to the device. Would this be a good enough location to open the holocron again? 

Sighing, he sat cross-legged in the middle of the room. Holding the holocron in his hands, he closed his eyes. Concentrating on his breathing, he drew his darkness around him. Pulled the dark side of the Force into him. He pushed his rage at his uncle to the back of his mind, but allowed it to fuel his power. Feeling centered, he opened his eyes and stared at the pyramid in his hands. Taking a deep breath, he opened the device.

The pyramid’s sides slowly opened and the blue image of Darth Revan flickered before him. The masked visage folded his arms across his chest and looked up at him. His heart raced in his chest.

“Tell me about Force Bonds.” He demanded.

The door to the room slid open and a gasp filled the silence. Jolted out of his solitude, he blinked up at his uncle. The old Jedi stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Ben, no.” Luke whispered as he stood in the doorway.


	11. Chapter 11

Ben shut the holocron and climbed to his feet. He glared at his uncle, his fingers curling into his palms.

“Get out!” He shouted as he took a step toward him.

Luke shook his head and entered the room. The door slid shut behind him, closing him inside with Ben. His gaze fell to the holocron sitting innocuously on the floor. Ben kept his gaze on his uncle, daring him to take the device. Darkness swirled within him, feeding off his anger. It soothed him, comforted him. His uncle wouldn’t even make it to the door if he tried to take the holocron. 

“You shouldn’t have opened it.” Luke’s sorrow filled voice broke the silence.

“What I do is no longer your concern.” Ben growled as he picked up the holocron. “Now, get out.”

Luke shook his head. “It is my concern if you’re going to be staying here, fighting beside us.”

Ben laughed, a bitter, angry sound in his ears. “Why don’t you say what you really believe? You think I’m going to turn against you.”

Sighing, his uncle ran a hand through graying hair. Luke averted his gaze and rage poured through Ben. The pain and anger of his uncle’s betrayal continued to churn in his stomach. Gritting his teeth, he stepped around his uncle and left the room. He shouldn’t care his uncle believed the darkness corrupted him. It still hurt that his uncle distrusted him. Even after all this time, the longing for Luke’s acceptance remained. The admission was enough to incite his fury. 

Wrapping his darkness around him, he marched down the hallway to his room. There, at least, he could lock the door. Keep his uncle and everyone else out. There, he’d study the holocron without interruption. 

“Ben, stop!” His uncle’s voice echoed down the corridor.

Growling, he picked up his pace. Footsteps hurried after him. It took all he had not to turn around. Not to retaliate against his uncle. Let the man chase him. It’d be so satisfying to slam the door in Luke’s face. One way or another, Luke would understand the damage he’d caused.

“Ben, you can’t have that holocron!” Luke shouted.

“You don’t have control over me, Uncle.” Ben shot back without stopping. “Accept it!”

His feet left the ground and he stared at the floor. He tried to twist around to glare at his uncle, but couldn’t. Rage tore through him, but he couldn’t do anything hanging in the air.

“You were saying, Ben?” Luke’s voice drew closer and Ben again tried to turn around in midair. He couldn’t and he snarled.

“Let me go!” Ben growled through clenched teeth.

“No.” Luke stepped beneath him to stand in his line of sight. “Give me the holocron, Ben.”

“Never.” Ben snapped.

Luke sighed and raised his other hand. The holocron slipped from his fingers and slapped into his uncle’s hand. Luke stared at the pyramid, his lips curled. Anger burned through him and he fought against his uncle’s hold. He was stronger than his uncle. The dark side strengthened him. With a flick of his right index finger, he Force pushed his uncle down the hallway. The holocron tumbled from his uncle’s hand to clatter on the floor. 

Ben landed on his feet and called the holocron to him. It smacked into his palm and he sent a wave of lightning toward his uncle. Luke rolled away from the bolts and scrambled to his feet. He drew his saber and the green blade shot out of the hilt.

“Admit it, uncle.” Ben snarled as he drew his own saber. “You’ve wanted a fight ever since I came on board.”

Luke shook his head. “I need you to listen, Ben.”

“You should’ve stayed away from me.” Ben ignited his saber.

Using the Force to hover the holocron in the air, he charged toward his uncle. He swung his saber, but Luke blocked it. Growling, he shoved the green blade away from him, spun around, and slashed his saber in a downward arc. Luke blocked it, their sabers crackling and spitting between them.

“I’ll make you regret the day you ever trained me.” Ben snapped.

Luke shook his head. “I’ll never regret training you, Ben.”

Sneering, Ben pushed his uncle backward, then kicked him. Luke stumbled and crashed into the wall. Roaring, he spun in a circle, bringing his crackling blade around. Luke ducked under the saber and the red blade slashed into the wall. Sparks flew as Ben spun around to face his uncle.

“I regret letting my fear take over, erase my reason.” Luke moved into a defensive stance, his eyes pleading.

Ben twirled his saber as he stalked toward his uncle. He said nothing. Instead, he let every ounce of his darkness fill the hallway. He thrust his darkness toward his uncle, letting him feel what his fear created. Luke stared at him, his sorrow buffering against him. 

The sadness only enraged him. Ben rained blow after blow upon his uncle’s blade. He didn’t care that his uncle regretted fearing him, regretted what he’d done. All he saw in his nightmares was his uncle standing over him, the green blade illuminating the hatred in his eyes. 

_Yes, my apprentice._ Snoke’s voice whispered in his mind. _Kill him before he can kill you. He is the reason you’ve exiled yourself. He’s the reason you lost your only friend._

Ben didn’t bother to push Snoke’s voice out of his head. He was too angry, too filled with his own regrets and fears. He swung his saber at his uncle, but the old Jedi ducked under and spun away. The blade slashed against the wall, sparks shot out across the hall. Growling, he turned, swinging his saber with him. The green blade blocked his attack and his lips curled into a snarl. 

His anger building, he shoved his uncle’s blade away then brought his saber down. Luke raised his weapon in time to block, their sabers spitting and crackling. He pushed against the green blade, forcing his uncle to his knees. 

“Stop, Ben.” Luke said through gritted teeth. “Enough!”

He didn’t hear his uncle. Instead, he continued to see the image of Luke standing over him, the green glow of his saber twisting his uncle’s features into one full of hate. His terror from that night clawed at him, twisting his stomach. He couldn’t get the image out of his head. Maybe if he killed his uncle, the nightmares would end. 

“You caused this.” Ben growled as he pushed harder against the blade. “You should’ve left me alone.”

He flew across the hall and slammed into the wall. His breath left him and he slid down the wall. Luke climbed to his feet and stared at him with those sad eyes. He lowered his saber, but didn’t deactivate it. Ben glared up at his uncle as he pushed himself to his feet. He called his saber to him and ignited it.

“No. I should’ve kept a closer eye on you.” Luke raised his hand in a placating manner. “I shouldn’t have tried to keep Rey from you.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “Leave her out of this.”

“I knew you were talking to each other behind my back.” Luke held out his hand. “I let it happen, thinking that maybe she’d calm the rage inside you.”

“You knew and yet still tried to keep us apart?” Ben raised his saber, staring down the blade at his uncle. “We’re bonded. Don’t you know what that means?”

Luke sighed. “I admit, it frightened me. You’re both powerful in the Force. I feared terrible things would happen. I feared you’d try to persuade her toward the Dark.”

Ben gritted his teeth. “Still paving a path for me before I even decided one for myself.”

“It was wrong of me, I know.” Luke took a step toward him.

“Now, you think it’s wrong!” Ben swung his saber, but Luke ducked under it. “You think I’ll forgive you, because you regret it?”

Growling, his anger near boiling, he spun around and swung at Luke’s midsection. Luke stepped back and swung his saber down to block it. Snarling, Ben attacked with ferocity, pushing his uncle down the hall. Sparks flew and the clashing of their sabers echoed through the corridor. 

He flipped his saber backward and swung at his uncle’s head. The Jedi ducked, causing his blade to slash the wall. Eyes narrowed, he turned to face his uncle. They both breathed hard, but Ben refused to yield. He wanted to punish his uncle, force him to feel the rage and pain dwelling inside him. 

“What the hell is going on here?” Leia’s voice demanded.

Ben didn’t look at his mother, but kept his focus on his uncle. He gripped his saber as he watched Luke look from him to his mother. Her footsteps ricocheted in the now silent hall. 

“Are you trying to tear my ship apart?” Her voice held both alarm and authority.

Luke had the grace to look chastised. He sighed and deactivated his saber. Turning his attention to Ben, he motioned for him to do the same. Ben narrowed his eyes. The Jedi didn’t have any authority over him. Not anymore. Sighing, Luke turned his attention to Leia.

“We had a disagreement.” Luke explained.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw his mother stare at him. He kept his gaze on his uncle, watching his every move. He didn’t trust him not to take some kind of action against him. He wasn’t asleep this time. 

“Some disagreement.” Leia stepped toward Ben and placed a hand on his arm.

It took all his willpower not to lean into her touch. He wanted to, but his darkness and rage continued to boil from being thwarted. He could’ve had his revenge if she hadn’t shown up.

_You can still have your revenge, my boy._ Snoke cooed in his head. _He’ll seek you out again. Skywalker is nothing if not persistent. He wants your forgiveness. He’ll continue to pursue you._

Gritting his teeth, he deactivated his saber. He turned his attention to his mother, who looked at him with tears in her eyes. She placed her hands on his face and his breath caught. He shouldn’t let her touch him. He should be as angry with her as he was with his uncle. She’d sent him to Luke. As much as he wanted to hurt his uncle, he couldn’t hurt his mother. 

“I know you have a lot of anger to work through.” She stroked his cheek with her thumbs. “But that doesn’t mean you get to wreck the ship.”

Mirth and sadness danced in her eyes and he sighed. Closing his eyes, he let himself bask in her touch. He should be angry with her, wanted to be angry with her. He found he couldn’t. The anger simmered, but so did the sorrow at being abandoned. His heart ached and tears stung his eyes. 

“Did you ever love me?” His voice cracked, but he didn’t care. He needed to know. He held his gaze with hers, daring her to turn away from him.

Leia’s eyes widened. “Of course, I loved you. I still love you. You’re my son.”

Closing his eyes, he pushed down the rising anger. If she loved him, why did she throw him away? Why did she believe Luke had a better grasp at dealing with him than she did? Shaking his head, he turned away from her, from them both, and marched back down the hall.

“Ben!” Leia called after him, but he refused to stop. He knew if he did, he’d wait for her. Wait for her to explain why she ignored him most of his life, only to hand him over to someone who tried to kill him. 

He plucked the holocron out of the air and continued down the hall. Maybe the meditation room had a lock. Maybe he should hole up on the Falcon. Images of him playing hide and seek with Chewie flashed in his mind. Not wanting the Wookie to learn his hiding spots, he’d change them up each time they’d played. They wouldn’t find him. He pushed the thought away. It wouldn’t work, anyway.

_They’d just send Rey._

Ben entered the meditation room to find it empty. Sighing in relief, he closed the door and used the Force to lock it. He sat in the middle of the room and closed his eyes. Drawing in deep breaths, he focused on clearing his mind and gathering his darkness. He pushed the recent confrontation with his uncle out of his mind. Pushed Snoke’s demanding voice into the depths of his consciousness. 

Centered and calm, he looked at the holocron positioned in front of him. He picked it up and opened it. The sides fell open and the blue image of Darth Revan flickered to life. They stared at each other as the hologram folded his arms against his chest.

“You want to learn about Force Bonds.” Revan cocked his head to the side.

“Yes.” Ben replied, his voice calm. “Especially the ones that aren’t formed between a master and an apprentice.”

The helmeted head nodded. “It is common for a master and apprentice to form a bond. It helps the master to train the apprentice. Sith use it as control. The type of bond you’re asking about rarely happens. When it does, it is powerful, and very difficult to break, if it can be at all.”

“What is its purpose?” Ben asked as he shifted his legs to keep the circulation going. “Why would a Force Bond spontaneously form like that?” 

“Since such a bond rarely happens, it’s not particularly understood.” Revan continued. “Many Jedi and Sith have speculated, but no one is sure. A lot have said it is the will of the Force and left it at that.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “It has to be more than that? Why would the Force want a darksider to Bond with a lightsider?”

Revan cocked his head to the side. “Interesting. I don’t recall that ever happening before.”

Running a hand through his hair, Ben closed his eyes. His stomach twisted into a knot as his frustration grew. The only thing he’d learned so far was that the bond couldn’t be broken. Why it was created, he might never know. 

“Have you tried reading the Jedi texts?” Revan asked.

Ben glared at the image. “Never. What they think is wisdom only brings pain.”

Revan nodded. “So you’ve met with the same frustrations I had. Still, they might have more to say on the subject than the Sith.”

Banging echoed through the room and he looked up. They might have found him, but they couldn’t get in. He pushed his senses into the Force and discovered his mother and uncle on the other side of the door. Growling, he turned his attention back to the holocron.

“Tell me how to keep someone out of my head.” He demanded, his darkness and anger flowing through him.

Revan chuckled and placed his hands behind his back. “There are several ways you can keep someone out of your head.”

“Ben!” Leia shouted through the door. “Don’t open the holocron.”

“It’s dangerous, Ben.” Luke warned. “It’ll twist you into something you’re not. The more you use it, the worse you’ll become.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. What did they know? They were raised on fearing the dark side, believing it was evil. Hadn’t they learned by now it was their fears that caused him to go down this path? Were they trying to deny it as a way to ease their guilt? Did they believe they could save him as if he hadn’t already fallen? It didn’t matter. They gave up the right to tell him what to do long ago.

“Tell me!” He snarled at the hologram.

A wave of the Force burst into the room, almost knocking him over. Luke stepped into the room, his hand outstretched. The holocron flew out of Ben’s hands and into his uncle’s. The pyramid slammed shut as Luke glared at him. 

“That holocron belongs to me.” Ben growled as he climbed to his feet.

Luke shook his head and handed the pyramid to Leia. She stared at it as if it might bite her. A dark fury rolled through Ben as he glared at his mother and uncle. He unhooked his saber and ignited it.

“I’m saving you from it, Ben.” Luke clasped his hands in front of him. “It’s corrupting you and you don’t even know it.”

“It’s given me more answers in ten minutes than you ever had in years!” Ben swung his saber. 

Luke raised his hand and Ben flew backward, crashing against the wall. Leia cried out and hurried toward him. From his position on the floor, Ben growled, glaring at his uncle. His mother knelt in front of him, bringing his attention to her. 

“What do you have questions about?” She asked as she held his face in her hands. “What can that thing answer your uncle can’t?”

He stared into eyes begging him to talk to her. The pain in those eyes tore at him and his heart constricted. After all these years, now she wanted to understand him. A part of him demanded he tell her nothing. The other part, the part that remembered her loving eyes, implored him to tell her everything. He pushed himself into a more comfortable position. 

“What makes you think he wants to help me?” Ben kept his voice low, but anger filled it. “He only wants to ease the guilt of what he did to me.”

She ran her fingers through his hair. “I don’t want to lose you again, Ben. That thing will twist the darkness inside you. It’ll feed off you. You might think it’s giving you answers, but it’s keeping you tied to it, forcing you to open it again and again until it’s drained you of all the Light inside.”

Ben shook his head and climbed to his feet. “Why do you fear the Dark? You ask for my help, yet you still fear me? Still fear what’s inside me.”

“Because the dark side is not your path, Ben.” Luke stepped into the room and the door slid shut behind him.

“Oh, really?” Ben growled as he stepped around his mother. “You seem to believe it was when I was at your academy.”

Luke sighed and ran his hand over his face. Frustration flowed from his uncle. Good. Let the man be conflicted because of his deeds. Did his uncle have the same nightmares he had? Did they end with the same destruction? Were they darker, ending with his blood on his uncle’s hands?

“I’m sorry, Ben.” Luke whispered as he hung his head.

Ben took another step toward his uncle. “Sorry doesn’t diminish the pain you caused.”

Luke raised his anguish filled eyes. He stared into those eyes, but all he saw were years of feeling as if he were evil incarnate. Images of Luke staring at him, watching him with disdain flashed through his mind.

“That holocron won’t relieve it, either.” Luke continued. “It’ll make it worse. You might think it’ll give you the answers you seek, but it’ll feed off you until you’re a twisted shell of yourself.”

“Like the Jedi are any better.” Ben growled, calling his saber to him.

“Enough, Ben.” Leia grabbed his arm, stopping him. 

He glared at her, but she held his gaze with a narrowed one of her own. The fire in her eyes warned him she wouldn’t back down from stopping him from attacking his uncle. He knew long ago that once she set her mind to something, nothing would stop her. Gritting his teeth, he lowered his saber and she relaxed her grip.

He turned from them both and spotted the holocron on the floor. Raising his hand, he called the device to him. It flew into his hand and he headed for the door.

“Ben…” Luke’s voice held a warning.

“Let him go, Luke.” Leia snapped. “You’ve done enough.”

His uncle continued to argue with her, but Ben didn’t hear. He left the room and marched down the corridor. Let them wallow in their guilt and denial. He’d had enough of both of them and wanted to be left alone. It was ironic that he’d been alone for most of his life, begging for the love of his parents, the acceptance of his uncle. He even sought it out in Rey and for a time had found it. Shaking his head, he chuckled to himself. Now, surrounded by those he thought should’ve loved him, all he sought was blissful solitude. 

Sparks sprinkled down from the walls and ceiling as he marched through the corridor. Red slash marks burned along the walls. His fingers flexed around the holocron as his stomach roiled with anger. He shouldn’t have let his temper get the better of him, shouldn’t have allowed Luke’s irritating tenacity to want to talk to him, rile him in such a way. 

_You have every right to be angry._ Snoke’s voice whispered in his mind, swirled around him like an inky shadow. _He had his chance to be a master to you and failed. He pushed you to this._

Ben growled. _Tell me something I don’t know._

_I can tell you about Force Bonds._

Ben stopped before the door to his room. _What?_

Snoke chuckled. _You are wise to seek help from the holocron, but it can’t tell you much about Force Bonds passed the basics. I can tell you everything you need to know. Including why you are bonded to her._

Ben shook with rage. How did Snoke know about his Bond to Rey? Had he somehow loosened his barriers at the wrong time? Had Snoke listened in when his mother told him? He hadn’t wanted Snoke to know he was bonded to Rey. His stomach twisted into a knot. Snoke might try to use it against him, try to twist it into something he knew it wasn’t. Rey was special to him. This Bond was special to him. He didn’t know what it meant or how it happened, but he knew there had to be a reason for it to happen at all. 

_No._ He snapped. _I’ll not have you twist it into something disgusting._

_You care about this girl._ Snoke’s voice slithered through his mind. _Your own uncle tried to keep you apart. He thought it’d turn into something disgusting. I do not. I believe this bond will strengthen you._

_How?_ Ben stepped into his quarters. He knew he couldn’t trust Snoke. It was the primary reason he tried to keep the man out of his mind. He didn’t want another master, didn’t need someone else telling him what to do or how to do it. Didn’t wish for someone else to look upon him with disappointment and distrust.

_Come to me and I’ll tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the dark side._ Snoke’s voice took on an almost fanatical air. _I’ll tell you about your true legacy._


	12. Chapter 12

Ben paced his room, Snoke’s words echoing in his mind. His barriers were raised again, keeping the voice out. He didn’t disagree with Snoke’s offer. He wanted to know why the Force Bond happened and why her. Snoke wouldn’t tell him everything, though. Maybe not even the truth. Everyone in his life had kept something from him or told him half-truths. Snoke would do the same. 

Running a hand through his hair, he stared at the holocron. So far, it’d been the only thing that’d been honest with him. He’d studied the history of the Sith; knew they could be dishonest even with each other. Their holocrons, though, were for knowledge. They weren’t dishonest with passing down information. What good was it to lie when you wanted to teach something? 

Ben strode to the holocron resting on his bed and picked it up. It glowed in his hand and the darkness from the pyramid wrapped around him. Whispering filled the room as he watched the words of the Sith language light up. Taking a deep breath, he pushed his own darkness at the holocron and the edges popped open. Revan’s blue image flickered to life. 

“You keep getting interrupted.” Revan’s voice held anger.

“I’ll make sure that won’t happen again.” Ben growled as he waved his hand at his door. The door clicked closed and with another wave of his hand, a Force shield sparked in the doorway.

Revan nodded. “Impressive. You’re powerful in the Force. I sense anger within you, but also longing. You want this bond you spoke of.”

Sighing, Ben sat on the bed and stared at the image. He’d been surprised about the bond, but welcomed it. He wanted to know more about it, wanted to learn if he could use it to help him know Rey better. Shaking his head, he placed the holocron on the dresser and paced.

“How do I use it?”

“A spontaneous bond might work differently than a normal one.” Revan folded his arms against his chest. “Have you tried reaching for her, finding her with it?”

Ben shook his head. “I didn’t even know about it until recently. I’ve tried nothing.”

Revan chuckled. “Do you know how to enter someone’s mind?”

Ben stared at the image. Could it really be that easy? 

“Yes.” He answered as he strode closer to the holocron. “I’ve put people to sleep, even compelled them.”

The image nodded. “Communicating with her through your bond is similar. Reach out toward her with the Force, search for your connection to her, and follow it. Once you’ve found it, enter her mind.”

Ben closed his eyes and reached into the Force. He searched for her, reached for her Force signature. A tingle spread through him and his breath caught. A shiver raced over his skin and he grabbed at the sensation in the Force. The sensation felt like Rey herself. It called to him, wrapped him in warmth and calm. Heart pounding in his chest, he followed it. 

“Rey.” He whispered.

Opening his eyes, he saw her spinning in a circle. Her yellow lightsaber hummed in her hand as she twirled it. Arousal surged through him and his heart stuttered in his chest. He’d never seen anything more beautiful. 

She stopped in mid-turn, her saber poised behind her. Her gaze flicked around the room and he knew then she felt his presence.

“Rey.” His voice was a little louder. Reaching out toward her, he stepped closer.

Rey’s gaze fell on him and she straightened. She blinked at him, then narrowed her eyes.

“I didn’t hear the door.” She deactivated her saber. “What’s going on?”

“Did Leia mention we have a Bond?” He lowered his hand and tried to keep his desire out of his voice.

Rey blinked again. “What?”

Sighing, Ben ran a hand through his hair. How could he explain something to her when he didn’t even understand it? He took another step toward her and she raised an eyebrow.

“Is that how you’re here without going through the door?” She cocked her head to the side.

“Yes.” He answered. “I reached into the Force and found our connection. I followed it to you. My mother believes that’s how you found me on Nithian.”

She stared at him, disbelief flowing toward him. It buffeted against him and his stomach tightened. She didn’t believe him. Even when it happened right in front of her. Closing his eyes, he curled his fingers into his palm. 

“We have a Bond?” She asked again. “Like a master and padawan?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s more than that. More powerful than that.”

Narrowing her eyes, Rey strode toward him. She looked up at him and his heart fluttered in his chest. Would she try to touch him? Prove to herself he really stood in front of her? She lifted her hand toward his face and he held his breath. A door slid open, destroying his concentration. He blinked and she was gone. With a growl, he glared at his door, but it was closed. 

“Damn it!” Ben shouted, his anger pushing toward the surface. A dark wave of the Force filled his room, threatening destruction.

“I’d call that a success.” Revan’s voice pushed through his veil of anger. 

Ben blinked and his bed behind him dropped to the floor with a thump. Taking several deep breaths, his anger dissipated. He ran a hand through his hair and sat on the bed. 

“We were interrupted.” He stared at his hands. “I couldn’t see where she was, but she was training when I saw her.”

“You did well.” Revan’s calm voice soothed him. “With more practice, you’ll be able to see her surroundings. Maybe even touch her.”

He stared at the hologram. “Touch her?”

“Yes.”

Ben stood and strode toward his dresser. “Snoke said you’d only know the basics of Force Bonds. How do you know I’ll be able to touch her with our Bond?”

“There have been stories of Force Bonds so powerful, the pair could touch each other across a galaxy. I suspect you hold such power.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “So you’re going by stories. You don’t really know?”

Revan shrugged. “Sometimes the best teachers are stories, fables. If there’s a kernel of truth, all the better for the learner.”

Ben turned from the holocron and resumed pacing. Even if they were stories, Revan was right. He’d appeared in front of Rey through their Bond. If he could do that, why not touch her at some point? His mother believed Rey tracked him through their Bond, which gave some truth to the story. 

A knock on his door pulled his attention to it. He glared at it, his hands fisted at his sides. Why couldn’t he be left alone?

“What?” He snapped, anger rolling through him.

“Ben?” Rey’s soft voice filtered through the door. 

The anger fled, leaving him dizzy. Scolding himself for yelling at her, he waved his hand. The click of the door unlocking filled the silence. He removed the barrier a second later. 

The door slid open and Rey stepped inside. She scanned his room and her gaze fell on the opened holocron. 

“You shouldn’t have opened it!” She shouted as she raced toward the device.

He stepped in front of her, blocking her path. “It’s all right, Rey. The holocron is teaching me about our Force Bond. It told me I could talk to you with it.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What about the texts? Were you also going to use it to help you with Snoke?”

Ben closed his eyes. It had been the reason he allowed them to take him back. She wanted to help him and he asked the holocron instead. If he was honest, he didn’t want to use the Jedi texts at all. As far as he was concerned, they were all lies created to keep the padawans under the thumb of the Jedi. 

“What could the texts tell me that this holocron can’t?”

Rey turned away from him and paced. She was beautiful as she attempted to ease the anger he sensed from her. Did she still believe emotions led to the dark side? Did she fear her own feelings? 

“Don’t deny your feelings.” He stepped toward her. “If you’re angry, be angry.”

She glared at him and his breath caught. A fire flared to life behind her hazel eyes and he wanted to bask in it. Desire, hot and wild, ignited within him. Narrowing her eyes, she strode toward him. 

“I don’t fear my emotions, Ben.” She snapped as she stabbed a finger at his chest. “I learned a long time ago that emotions don’t lead to the dark side.”

“But you try to control them.” He took her hand and her breath hitched.

“It’s letting them get away from you that leads to the dark side.” She whispered as she stared at their clasped hands. “Letting them overtake you.”

“Emotions make us who we are.” Ben drew her closer to him. “Without them, we aren’t any better than machines.”

She looked up at him and he tumbled into her eyes. His breath caught, only to quicken a second later. His gaze dropped to her lips while his blood raced through his veins. With his left hand resting on her waist, he cupped her face with his right. 

“Ben.” His name was a breath. 

He pressed his lips against hers. A soft moan escaped her and his arms wrapped around her. The taste of fruit and warmth tingled his lips and he moaned. His tongue flicked against her lips and she gasped. Pulling her against him, he delved into her mouth, tasting and exploring. Her fingers gripped the back of his shirt as if she held on for dear life. His mind spun with desire and the sensation of finding home. He never wanted to let her go, never wanted to be parted from her again. This was where he belonged. 

He pulled back and stared into her eyes. They were dark with a mixture of emotions. Thankfully, one of them was desire. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. He rested his forehead against hers as his hands roamed up and down her back.

“I saw the slash marks on the wall on the way here.” She whispered against his chest. “They piss you off or are you redecorating?”

Ben growled and stepped out of her embrace. He strode to the holocron and turned it off. It didn’t bother him that she saw his destruction. What bothered him was that she immediately assumed it was him. Of course it was, but to know he was the first person she thought of irritated him. 

“I got into a fight with Luke.” He admitted, anger coating his voice.

“What for?” Horror filled her voice and he looked at her.

He grabbed the holocron. “Because he wanted to take this from me!”

He held the holocron between them and Rey backed away. Fear and disbelief radiated from her. She shook her head as her eyes filled with tears. The emotions bashed against him and for a moment he feared she’d flee. That was the last thing he wanted, but he couldn’t hold back the anger.

“You need to get rid of it before it destroys you.”

His fingers tightened on the holocron. “It has told me more about this Bond-”

“Have you even tried the texts?” She snapped, her eyes flaring with anger and tears. “You’d rather trust something from the Sith than the wisdom of the Jedi?”

Ben barked a bitter laugh. He tossed the holocron onto his bed. If she wanted a fight, he’d give her one. He strode toward her, his anger spiking. Electricity filled the air, causing the fine hairs on his arms to rise. She reached for her saber, but didn’t turn it on. He narrowed his eyes, irritated she’d even think he’d attack her. 

“The wisdom of the Jedi is the reason we were kept apart.” He growled. “Luke knew we were Bonded and kept us apart. Kept us from learning about it, using it. He feared what it could mean.”

Rey blinked. “I was so angry that he barely let us even talk to each other. I hated having to sneak around in order to see you. Why didn’t he want me to be your friend?”

Ben sighed as the anger left him. Running a hand through his hair, he turned from her. It was a stupid reason to keep them apart. The Jedi didn’t shun friendships, but they shunned growing attached. He never understood it, thought it was ridiculous. 

“He feared I’d corrupt you.” Ben growled as he turned back to face her. “He believed I’d already fallen and tried to save you from me. Knowing we were bonded only strengthened his resolve.”

Rey clipped her saber back onto her belt and averted her gaze. His gaze roamed over her. The feel of her lips, the taste of her still tingled. He longed for her in his arms again, longed to kiss her again. 

“We don’t have to be kept apart now.” She remarked. “We’re adults. We can make our own decisions.”

Ben stared at her, his heart skipping a beat. She wanted to continue their friendship? Did she want to explore their feelings for each other? He longed to. Ever since she appeared back in his life, he’d been drawn to her, attracted to her. More than anything, he wanted to make her his. He’d never felt anything stronger.

“You want to see where this goes?” He asked as he drew closer to her.

She stared at him and he held his breath. She could shut him out with just a word. His stomach churned as his heart thundered in his ears. He placed all who he was in front of her, allowing her to rip his heart out if she so chose. 

“I want to help you.” She whispered, her eyes imploring him. “I want to help you block out Snoke.”

He narrowed his eyes as ice water slid down his spine. He heard the ultimatum within those words. Get rid of the holocron. Curling his fingers into his palm, he fought the rage swelling inside him. 

“You really believe the Jedi texts have anything about blocking out Snoke?” He growled.

She sighed. “How long have you tried to block him out, Ben? You’ve told me he’s been able to get around your barriers.”

Ben shook his head and turned from her. His gaze fell on the pyramid and the darkness from it caressed him. Gritting his teeth, he stepped toward it. His darkness rose in response. 

“Longer than I’ve known you.” He answered without turning around.

“Can you at least let me try?” Rey pleaded, her voice closer to him. “Please, Ben. Let me try before you open that thing again.”

He glared at her then. Her hazel eyes bore into him and fear buffeted against him through the Bond. He desired her help, longed for her nearness. If the price he paid for being near her longer and more often was to read through Jedi texts, he’d do it. Sighing, he ran his hand through his hair.

“Fine.” He bit out. “We’ll try the texts.”

Rey relaxed and hoped swelled through their Bond. Her eyes sparkled as she smiled and his breath caught. He decided from then on to make sure she’d always look at him like that. 

****

Ben sat by his mother as members of the Resistance filed into the large room. He folded his arms against his chest as he watched them find their seats. Against his protests, his mother demanded he sit with her during this meeting. She’d wanted to introduce the rest of the Resistance to him. He didn’t have a desire to even be here. He doubted anyone wanted him to be here either. What could he offer these people other than his command of the Force? 

Rey meandered her way through the seats, followed by her friends. His focus narrowed to her as she found a seat near the front. Her gaze fell on him and she smiled. His breathing quickened and warmth spread through him. The urge to wrap his arms around her welled within him. 

It’d been two days since his fight with his uncle. Two days since he’d given in to Rey’s pleadings to search through the texts to find how to remove Snoke from his mind. Two days since he’d last heard Snoke in his head. He didn’t know if Snoke was tired of breaking through his mental barriers or if his barriers had grown stronger. He knew Snoke wouldn’t give up that easily. When he was younger, it’d sometimes be days between Snoke’s invasions. Something else had to have captured Snoke’s attention. 

Movement to his right brought him out of his thoughts. His gaze fell on Rey again, but she spoke with Poe beside her. Narrowing his eyes, he attempted to reach into her mind, learn what he could about her feelings for the pilot. How long did she know the pilot? He knew Poe didn’t like him, didn’t trust him. He hadn’t given any reason for the pilot to trust him, but he didn’t care. If he tried to get between him and Rey, trusting him would be the least of Poe’s worries. 

A clearing of a throat beside him broke into his concentration. He kept his gaze on Rey as she straightened in her seat and gave her attention to his mother. 

“We have received intel from our scouts that the First Order has sent a small group to the planet Ilian.”

“What do they hope to find there?” Poe asked. “The planet doesn’t have any valuable resources, let alone people to exploit.”

“It’s a planet connected to the Force.” Luke’s voice drew Ben’s attention to his uncle. “Sending a small group means Snoke is searching for something there. Something linked to the Force.”

“He wants to reinforce his power.” Ben mentioned, drawing all eyes to him. “Solidify it.”

“Who the hell are you?” A Resistance member in the back of the room asked. 

Voices full of anger, confusion, and suspicion filled the room. He glared at the rebels, his anger burning in his chest. Some voices demanded to know who he was, while others demanded to know where he came from. A few stood on their feet as if preparing to charge at him. He didn’t owe any of these people an answer. They knew nothing about him and he wanted to keep it that way. 

Leia raised her hands and the voices died down. He kept his gaze on the gathering, his jaw clenching. He kept a tight leash on his temper, even though his darkness demanded he strike at them before they hurt him.

“This is my son Ben Solo.” Leia’s voice filled the room, daring anyone to argue with her. “He is powerful in the Force.”

“Another Jedi?” A voice barked from the audience. “How many do we need?”

“I’m not a Jedi.” Ben snapped.

“Then what are you?” Another voice demanded.

“It doesn’t matter what he is.” Luke put in, moving to stand between him and the gathering. “We can use all the help we can get.”

Murmurs drifted through the crowd and Ben sensed some fighters were still unsure about him. He glared at the assembly, but remained silent. He didn’t care one way or another what these people thought. They weren’t the reason he was here.

“I’m putting a team together to investigate the planet.” Leia’s voice rang with command. “We need to know what Snoke is looking for on that planet and recover it before he does.”

The murmurs returned and Ben sensed trepidation churn through the group. His darkness drank it up and electric fire surged through him. Closing his eyes, he drew it into himself, let it invigorate his power. Drawing a deep breath, his gaze fell on Rey. She stared at him, unease flowing through their Bond. 

“The group will leave within the hour.” Leia continued. “Their mission is to find what they can and sabotage any base that is there.”

“This is an opportunity to strike a major blow to the First Order.” Luke’s firm voice filled the room. “If what he wants is a weapon, we can use it against the First Order. If it’s information, we can use it against him, too.”

Excitement charged the air and the voices rose with a renewed sense of vigor. Ben watched them with mild interest. If this small amount of information gave them hope, he’d hate to see what devastated them. Shaking his head, his gaze fell on Rey again. His gaze locked with hers and he fought the impulse to enter her mind. He wanted to know what she thought of all this. Did she believe whatever was on the planet would help them? Would obtaining it really give the Resistance the win they needed? Again his mind returned to the question of why he was even here to begin with? Did they really need his help? Was it an excuse his parents came up with as a reason to take him from the only place he called home? 

The scraping of chairs and the shuffling of feet brought him out of his thoughts. The people filed out of the room. No one acknowledged him since his introduction and he breathed a sigh of relief. Rey remained sitting, her gaze on him, as her friends left the room. Heat filled him as he held her gaze. He wanted to head straight for her, take her in his arms, and kiss her. 

Taking a deep breath, he pushed to his feet. He stepped toward her, but his mother placed a hand on his arm. His jaw clenched as he dragged his gaze to her. 

“I need to speak with you.” Her calm voice belayed the spark of fire in her eyes. This wouldn’t be a simple mother-son talk. 

He looked back at Rey, who slipped out of the room. Narrowing his eyes, he curled his hands into his palms. Had his mother just prevented him from going to Rey? Sighing, he closed his eyes and reined in his rising temper. 

“What now?” He snapped, turning his gaze to his mother.

Leia sighed and stepped down from the podium. She motioned for him to follow and he gritted his teeth to keep from rolling his eyes. They were alone. Why did she need to speak with him in her office? Growling, he followed her. What could she want to talk to him about? For the past two days, he’d spent most of his time in his rooms, avoiding everyone. Today had been the first time he’d seen any of his family. Any of them could’ve talked to him during that time. 

_This should be proof enough that they’re afraid of you._ Snoke’s voice whispered in his head. _What more proof do you need?_

Ben glared at his mother’s back. He didn’t need proof. They’d practically admitted it when they sent him to Luke. It still hurt every time he looked at any of his family members. He doubted he’d ever get over what they did. 

Leia entered her office and strode to stand behind her desk. She motioned for him to sit in the chair, but he folded his arms against his chest and narrowed his eyes. Sighing, she sat.

“What is this about?” He stepped closer. “Is Luke still upset about the holocron?”

Leia folded her hands in front of her. “I want you to go with the team to Ilian.”


	13. Chapter 13

Rey hurried through the halls to the hangar bay. She’d devoted most of the time between the meeting and now searching through the Jedi texts. She’d discovered several references of Force bonds, but nothing of the type she had with Ben. She hadn’t had the time to research through all the texts, but she wanted to share what she’d found with him.

She entered the hangar bay and headed for the _Falcon_. Excitement filled her and she couldn’t keep the grin off her face when she saw Finn and Poe. Finn beamed at her as she headed up the ramp.

“Ready for our first mission in weeks?” Finn asked, bouncing on his feet.

Rey laughed as she headed into the ship. Finn’s excitement rivaled her own, but she knew this wasn’t an ordinary mission. Other than the Knights of Ren searching for Ben, this had been the first time in approximately a month of any activity from the First Order. For all they knew, they might head straight into an ambush. 

“I wouldn’t be too eager.” She warned as she led the way into the ship. “We don’t know what we’re heading into.”

Finn groaned. “Please, no speaking about traps. You might jinx it.”

“Better to be prepared and alert than to fall into an obvious trap.” Rey offered him a smile to lessen her warning.

“Excellent advice.” Poe stepped out of the cockpit. “Better to suspect everything is a trap than not.”

“You’re both aren’t any fun.” Finn ran a hand over his face.

“You think this is fun?” Ben’s voice caused Rey to jump. 

“What the hell?” Finn and Poe shouted.

Poe drew his blaster, but Ben raised his hand, and the weapon flew into his hand. The pilot blinked at his hand, then at the pistol in Ben’s grip. 

“Give that back!” Poe demanded as he stepped toward Ben.

“No.” Ben growled as he narrowed his eyes. “You might try to shoot me.”

“What are you doing here?” Finn spat.

Ben glared at Finn. “My mother, in her infinite wisdom, thought it would be a wonderful idea for me to come along.”

“Great.” Poe flung his arms out. “Just what we need. Head into First Order territory with the very person they want to get their hands on.”

“Snoke is searching for something on that planet.” Ben explained. “She thinks that whatever it is they’re looking for, I’ll be able to find it.”

Rey stared at him. “She thinks it’s something to do with the dark side?”

Ben looked at her, his dark eyes drawing her in. Her stomach fluttered under his intense gaze and she resisted the instinct to glance elsewhere. Her skin burned under his scrutiny and heat pooled in her center.

“It’d be my guess.” Ben’s velvet voice coiled around her, provoking a fire to flare up within her. Could he perceive how he stirred her? He had to, because she’d felt his arousal, his interest.

“Then we should get whatever the hell it is before they find it.” Poe’s voice broke into her thoughts. 

The spell Ben had on her shattered and she averted her gaze. The desire remained. She drew a deep breath to bring herself under control. Maybe the Jedi had been correct in not allowing attachments. She couldn’t think when Ben was around. All she preferred to do was hold him, kiss him, keep him near. Shaking her head, she urged her feet to carry her away from Ben, away from temptation. 

She halted in her steps as she remembered she’d wished to discuss their Bond and what she discovered in the texts. Sighing, she spun around and ran into his solid form. Gasping, she stumbled back and gawked at him.

“Stop masking your presence.” She snapped.

Ben smirked. “I wasn’t masking my presence.”

Rey ran a hand through her hair and turned away from him. Cursing herself for not paying attention, she marched further into the ship. His footsteps followed her, and she forced herself to relax. 

“I studied the texts.” She remarked as she slowed her pace.

Ben scoffed and she rolled her eyes. The Jedi were a sore spot with him, and she understood why. It shouldn’t invalidate the wisdom she knew lay with some of their teachings. 

“What did you learn?” His voice bore a tone of suspicion.

She peered at him over her shoulder. His dark eyes narrowed, blazed with an inner fire which stirred something in her body. Forcing her gaze away, she strode into the common area.

“I didn’t have time to look through all the texts, but I learned about the bond between a master and an apprentice.”

“That’s not what our Bond is.” Ben mentioned as he leaned against the table.

“I know.” Rey stepped to the other side of the room.

“The Sith holocron mentioned our type of Bond is rare.” Ben folded his arms against his chest. “It hasn’t happened in centuries.”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “You shouldn’t listen to the holocron, Ben. It’s dangerous.”

Ben shook his head. “I won’t argue with you over it again, Rey. Drop it.”

“You need to get rid of it.” Rey stalked toward him. 

“I’ll do no such thing.” He growled. “And I feel fine.”

Rey dug her fingers into her hair and paced the room. How could she convince him the holocron was dangerous? He needed to get rid of it. His own family tried to caution him, even sought to take it from him. Didn’t he understand they had his best interests in mind? Did he realize they wanted to save him from descending further into ruin? Didn’t he care? Maybe years of believing his family abandoned him caused him not to trust them. Sighing, she faced him.

“Do you trust me?” She inquired.

He furrowed his brow. “Of course. You’re the only person I trust.”

The revelation sent a swell of exhilaration through her. Smiling, she stepped closer to him. “Then trust me when I tell you-”

“I trust you, but I’m not getting rid of the holocron.” He pushed from the table to stand closer to her. 

Heat from his body folded around her, dragged her in. His darkness buffeted against her and she gasped. Since she’d felt him on Nithian, the dark side had grown stronger within him. It called to her, murmured to her with assurances of power. Was this what he’d endured for years? Was this what he heard from the holocron? From Snoke? Closing her eyes, she drew her Light around her, shoving his Dark away.

“I’m sorry you think the dark side holds all the answers.” She whispered as she strode away from him.

Ben narrowed his eyes. “In all my years of studying the Force, the teachers of the dark side have never tried to hide anything from me. They never shunned me for my power or criticized me.”

Rey sighed. She’d watched how the other padawans had treated Ben. They feared him for his strength in the Force. He wasn’t above proving it to them if they thought to harm him. Luke hadn’t preferred to play favorites, so he disciplined everyone whenever the padawans fought. 

Luke himself hadn’t treated him any better. Giving him the toughest tasks, not acknowledging him when he did well. At first, she thought Luke was just aloof, or that was how Jedi behaved. She hadn’t comprehended how it made Ben feel. Rey truly had been his sole companion at the academy, the only one there for him when it counted. 

“I haven’t rejected you or criticized you, Ben.” Rey kept her voice soothing, hoping to ease his temper. “You know that.”

Ben closed his eyes and the anger faded from him. She placed a hand on his chest and his eyes opened. She peered into them, into the ominous fire she discovered there. Her breathing increased and warmth flowed through her. Electric sparks danced over her skin from where she touched him. Her mouth became dry and her fingers coiled into his shirt.

“You were the only one who didn’t.” Ben whispered, provoking a quiver to travel up her spine. 

Her gaze dropped to his lips and fire coiled in her stomach. She recalled how those lips tasted and she needed more. Would he let her? She sensed his arousal, his desire through their Bond. He craved it, too. 

His arms wrapped around her, pressing her against his hard chest. Her gaze flickered up to his eyes and she fell. She didn’t care if someone might step into the room and see them. All she cared about was being in his warm embrace and enjoying his lips on hers. 

Her hand slid up his chest to tangle in his hair. With a growl, she tugged his head down to her and kissed him. Sparks leaped from his lips to course through her body. It was even better than before. He tasted of darkness and warmth. Images of the times they slipped into the forest at night to talk at Luke’s academy burst into her mind. Those stolen moments were the best she’d ever had. He had consoled her, talked to her as a person instead of as a student, encouraged her. 

Fire licked at her insides, pooled in her core, urged her on. Her other arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him tighter against her. He growled as his hands cupped her rear. She gasped and his tongue dove into her mouth, stirring the flames higher. 

A throat cleared and she jumped away from Ben. Heat burned in her face as she glowered at Finn.

Finn looked from Ben to Rey. “Something you want to share, Rey?”

Rey narrowed her eyes, but Ben stepped between her and Finn. She blinked at his back. She didn’t require him to defend her. She placed a hand on his arm to compel him to step aside, but he didn’t budge.

“This is none of your business.” Ben growled.

Finn stared up at him, his eyes afire. “It is, if you’re going to manipulate her through her emotions.”

Rey gaped at Finn. He thought Ben would use her feelings for him against the Resistance? Shaking her head, she stepped around Ben. 

“You’re being ridiculous, Finn.” She snapped. “We’ve known each other for years, all the way back to Luke’s Academy. Ben wouldn’t hurt me.”

“I don’t trust him.” Finn pointed at Ben. “The First Order wants him. What makes you think they hadn’t already gotten to him? For all you know, he might be a spy for Snoke.”

“They haven’t gotten to me.” Ben growled, taking a step toward Finn. “I’ve been on Nithian by myself for three years. Rey was the first person to show up on my doorstep since then.”

Finn’s jaw clenched. Rey knew he couldn’t contradict what Ben said. Finn only had her safety in mind, but she didn’t want the two to fight. Ben was here to help. Leia wanted him here, had searched for him for years. Sighing, she stepped toward Finn, bringing his attention to her. 

“He’s going to be here for a while.” She said, keeping her voice calm. “You need to get along.”

Finn narrowed his eyes. “Are you mind tricking me?”

Rey rolled her eyes. “No, Finn. I want you to play nice with Leia’s son. You know, Leia, our leader.”

“I can handle myself.” Ben snapped. “I don’t need my mother involved in this.”

She looked at Ben. Anger streamed from him. It was a vicious phenomenon, snapping at its leash, threatening to break free. She’d sensed his temper before, had witnessed it directed at her, but nothing like this. Her heart pounded in her chest as images of slashed walls filled her mind. It was then she realized she’d never been on the receiving end of his temper unleashed.

“I know.” Rey placed a hand on his arm, and he turned his dark gaze to her. “But she is the reason you’re on this ship. She’s the reason you’re at the base.”

He narrowed his eyes. “My power is the reason she asked you to find me. Not myself.”

Ben spun on his heel and left the common area. Sighing, she turned back to Finn. He blinked at the spot Ben had stood a moment before. He relaxed and sighed a long breath. 

“He’s intense.” Finn whispered as if Ben would be able to hear him.

Rey ran a hand through her hair. “He’s going through some things.”

“I can see that.” Finn paced to the table and sat down. “Has he always been like that?”

Rey shrugged. “Not with me.”

Finn nodded and leaned back in the seat. “You want me to get along with him, so I’m going to need some answers.”

Rey took a seat beside him. “I take it you don’t want to ask him yourself?”

“I don’t think he wants the bombardment of questions right now.” Sighing, he placed his hands on the table.

“What do you want to know?” She asked, leaning back and crossing her arms against her chest.

****

Ben marched down the ramp onto Ilian’s surface. The Force flowed through him, around him. It tugged at him, pulling him in a single direction. His heart raced and his own darkness welled up inside him. Electric fire coursed through him and whispers filled his mind. Thankfully, none of them were Snoke. 

“Do you feel it?” Rey whispered in awe beside him.

“Yes.” He answered as tingles skipped along his skin.

Grassland spread out before him, swaying in the soft warm breeze. Small life signs raced through the tall grass. Trees dotted the landscape and large birds soared high in the sky. A mountain range rose in the distance. The Force pulled him toward the mountains.

“We need to go that way.” He pointed at the mountain range. “Whatever the First Order is looking for has to be there.”

“And you wanted to land here.” Poe groused as he joined them. “Why couldn’t we land closer to the mountains?”

Ben glared at the pilot. “If the First Order is still here, I don’t want them to know we’re here.”

“Element of surprise.” Poe smirked. “Understood.”

Shaking his head, Ben marched across the grassland. If Snoke wanted something Force related on this planet, he’d send the Knights. Excitement at fighting the Knights again increased within him. His fingers itched to grab his saber, to feel the heat of battle course through him. It was a heady sensation, one he wanted to feel more often. Dark power surged through him, strengthening him, feeding his darkness. He lived for this, was born for this. 

“Ben?” Rey’s voice called him back. 

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Concern buffeted against him and he stopped. She could feel his darkness, his power, and for the first time, she feared him. His heart sank and his stomach twisted into a knot. He didn’t want her to fear him, didn’t want to see the same look in Rey’s eyes he’d seen in his mother’s.

“You don’t need to be afraid.” He took a step toward her. “It’s the Force calling to us.”

“And it says, pick up your pace.” Poe snapped as he marched by him. “Quit dawdling. We’re on a mission here, not a vacation.”

Gritting his teeth, Ben spun on his heel and stomped after the pilot. It took all he had not to toss lightning at the man. He was right, though. They didn’t have time to stand around and bask in the power of this planet. The Knights had a head start. For all he knew, they were already at the location. For a moment, he wished they’d landed closer. To hell with the element of surprise.

The mountains grew larger, towering above the ground. The pull of the Force increased, and he fought the urge to break into a run. The voices grew louder, more intense. He couldn’t understand their words, but it reminded him of the voices in the Sith academy on Korriban. Were they the same? Was what the Knights searched for of the dark side? 

A roar alerted him to his surroundings. He unhooked his saber as Poe drew his blaster. Chewie roared and aimed his bowcaster at a black speck in the distance. It grew larger as screeching filled the air. 

“What the hell is that thing?” Finn asked as he aimed his blaster rifle at the black form charging toward them. 

Ben ignited his saber and marched toward the figure. Rey shouted at him, but he didn’t stop. The Force streamed from the creature, but it didn’t dissuade him. It slid to a stop, its yellow eyes glaring at him. The creature’s fur was dark grey, and it stood almost six feet at its shoulder. Its long tail whipped behind it as it bared its fangs. Sharp claws dug into the ground and a low growl rumbled. 

Ben raised his hand and the creature snapped at him. He took a step back. Narrowing his eyes, he pushed into the creature’s mind. It whimpered, but he didn’t relent. If this animal saw the Knights, he needed to know. The creature didn’t know how to put up barriers, so it was easy to course through its mind. Images of it chasing small animals flashed in front of him. A pond appeared next, and then it climbed trees to reach a nest. He pushed deeper, collapsing the creature to the ground. 

“Ben!” Rey shouted behind him. “You’re hurting it.”

Snarling, he tore through the creature’s mind. He didn’t care if he hurt it. It tried to attack them. If this creature encountered the Knights, he demanded to know. He needed to know if the Knights located what Snoke sought. The Dark surged through him and the whispers urged him on.

A flicker of black caught his attention, and he slowed his rampage. A group of people the creature had never seen before filled his vision. Holding his breath, he focused on the memory. The creature had hidden in the tall grass, watching the intruders. They stood at the edge of a forest nestled at the foot of the mountains. They argued with each other before heading into the forest. The creature didn’t follow, for it feared what lurked inside. After waiting a moment, it padded away toward the plains. It then spotted his group and attacked.

Ben left the creature’s mind and turned to the others. “The Knights are here. They went into a forest near the mountains.”

The others stared at him, unease radiating off them. Chewie mewled with sadness. Memories of the padawans avoiding him or staring at him with similar gazes entered his mind. Would they attack him as those padawans had? Curling his fists at his sides, he refused to react. He shouldn’t care what they thought, shouldn’t care they feared him. He was of the dark side, he should revel in their terror. 

Rey stepped toward him. “You need to be careful. The dark side is growing in you and I fear it’ll consume you.”

Shaking his head, he turned from her. He’d felt the darkness increase within him, but he’d never felt more powerful, more in control. It wasn’t his problem this place strengthened his power, fueled it as nothing had before. He wanted to drink it in, pull it into him. Maybe he’d take what Snoke sought and use it himself. Combine it with the holocron and finally rid himself of Snoke once and for all.


	14. Chapter 14

Dappled light filtered through the thick leaves of the trees overhead. A cool breeze caressed his skin as he marched through the gloom. Dried leaves crunched under his boots, and the calls of animals echoed in the air. The darkness he’d felt pulled him deeper into the forest. Black tendrils caressed his mind and for a moment, he thought it was Snoke. Voices didn’t whisper in his mind and his defenses against Snoke hadn’t been breached. Confident the darkness wasn’t Snoke, he allowed it to lead him.

Unease radiated from those behind him, but he didn’t acknowledge it. Let them fear what they didn’t understand. It wasn’t his responsibility to soothe them. He’d lived with the darkness all his life. Lived with the distrust of others. In the beginning, he had fought the darkness, had feared it along with the others. Instead of running from it, though, he learned about it, learned from it. It’d been liberating and powerful. 

He sensed others up ahead. Darkness increased around him, tugged harder at him. A gasp escaped a mouth behind him. He turned to find Rey staring at him. He faced her.

“What is it?” Ben asked. 

Shaking her head, Rey tried to take a deep breath. Power surged through the forest and he knew it was from whatever Snoke deemed to get his hands on. They needed to hurry, get there before Snoke’s Knights retrieved it and were gone from here. He took a step toward Rey and the unease increased.

“Something powerful.” She whispered, shuddering. “It’s strong. My stomach…”

She wrapped her arms around her midsection and the color drained from her face. Alarm shot through him and he placed a hand on her arm. Her eyes were dark with fright. Whatever this thing was affected her differently than him. He felt more powerful than ever, stronger. He could take on anything all by himself. Anxiety radiated off the others. Chewie growled and gazed around them, his bowcaster at the ready. 

“We have to get this thing before Snoke does.” Ben turned his attention back to Rey. “Can you go on?”

Rey breathed deeply and nodded. “If it’s this strong, we can’t let the First Order have it.”

The urge to comfort her welled within him, but even a brief hug would take time away from their journey. Time they didn’t have. The longer they stood here, the closer the Knights got to the artifact. Turning on his heel, he continued the trek through the forest. 

The line of trees thinned, revealing a tall cliff reaching toward the sky. A group dressed in black stood at the mouth of a cave. As one, the masked figures turned toward him. Narrowing his eyes, Ben unhooked his saber and the unstable red blade shot out of the hilt. Determination flowed from the Knights as they activated their various weapons. 

Standing beside him, Rey ignited her double bladed lightsaber. The Bond between them swung open, letting him sense her determination. Her Light flowed between them, wrapped around him. It caught him off guard and his instinct was to push it back. Instead, he gritted his teeth and allowed it to mix with his darkness. His Dark flowed back to her, caressed her. She gasped, not in fear, but amazement. Twirling his saber, he turned his attention back to the Knights.

“Ben Solo.” The tallest Knight strode from the middle of the group toward him. “You sense the power of this artifact. It calls to you as it calls to us.”

“Snoke won’t get his hands on it.” Ben growled as he stepped toward the Knight.

The Knight chuckled as he lazily swung his whip. “The artifact will be his, as you shall be. He hasn’t given up on you joining him.”

“I will not have another master!” Ben snarled and swung his saber at the Knight.

The Knight ducked under the blade and spun around. He cracked his whip and the rest of the Knights charged forward. Ben kept his attention on the lead Knight as chaos exploded behind him. He charged at the Knight and ducked under the laser whip. 

“Join us, Ben.” The Knight coaxed in a voice meant to soothe. “You’ll have unimaginable power.”

“I’m more powerful than you think.” Ben sneered. 

He Force pushed the Knight backward. He slammed against a tree and dropped to the ground. Landing on his feet, the Knight laughed. It grated on Ben’s nerves, but he refused to let it anger him. As much as he used his anger to fuel his power, he knew it could also blind him. His temper had gotten the better of him many times. He couldn’t let it do so now. 

“Is that the best you can do?” The Knight chuckled. “Show me, Solo. Show me the dark side.”

Dark power surged through him, electric and burning. Narrowing his eyes, he raised his hand and lightning raced from his fingers. Alarm radiated from the Knight and he dove for the ground. The lightning struck the tree, setting it on fire. Flames burst forth amongst the branches, eating its way upward. 

Ben blocked the whip snapping toward his head. The red whip wrapped around his blade and the Knight tugged. His temper struggled against its leash, but he refused to give it free rein. His anger bubbled, but he channeled it toward his darkness. Narrowing his eyes, he deactivated his saber and the whip dropped to the ground. 

Disjointed laughter came from the Knight as he yanked his whip toward him. Ben ignited his saber again and twirled it. He glared at the man as he strode forward.

“You’ll make an excellent ally, Ben.” The Knight continued in his attempt to persuade him. “Snoke has been watching you, waiting for you to accept your destiny.”

“I make my own destiny.” Ben growled and swung at the Knight’s head. 

The Knight ducked then Force pushed him, sending him colliding with a tree. His breath left him as he dropped to the ground. Gritting his teeth, he scrambled to his feet. He gathered his darkness around him, funneled the pain from his back to fuel his power. Lips twitching, he raised his hand, fingers curled inward. It was a pity he couldn’t watch the Knight’s eyes bulge or his face lose its color, but he could feel the life leave the body. The Knight dropped his whip and fell to his knees. He grasped at his throat and struggled to breathe. Still gasping for breath, the Knight reached up and unclasped his helmet. Tossing it to the side, he revealed himself. Short cropped blonde hair stuck out from a pale head with scars crisscrossing a harsh face. Pale blue eyes stared up at him as the Knight fought for breath. 

Ben stepped closer to the man as he squeezed harder. The man’s pale lips opened and closed like a fish as he clawed at his throat. Blaster fire and Chewie’s roars filled the air. Movement danced at the edges of his sight, but he kept his gaze on the Knight. Screams of pain and alarm echoed around him, but he ignored it all. He sensed Rey in the back of his mind, but he couldn’t let anything distract him.

“I will take whatever the hell Snoke believes is here and claim it as mine.” He growled.

The Knight tried to speak and Ben let up on him. He took a quick gasp of breath and fear darkened the man’s eyes.

“You are not strong enough for what is in there.” The Knight gasped. “It will tear you apart, destroy your soul. You won’t be able to control that kind of power.”

“We’ll see.” He twisted his hand and a snap reached his ears. The Knight collapsed face first to the ground. 

Ben looked up and watched as two Knights fled back into the forest. Another body dropped to the ground thanks to a blaster shot from Poe. Rey spun around, her eyes scanning the clearing. Her gaze locked with his and she smiled. 

“Ben.” She deactivated her saber and hurried toward him.

He stepped over the body and rushed to meet her. She wrapped her arms around him and warmth flooded him. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in her scent. The darkness from the cave crept within him, its black tendrils curling through him. They hadn’t accomplished their task and the artifact’s call increased. It wanted him to take it, wanted him to use it.

“It’s giving me a headache.” Rey whispered as she stepped out of his embrace. “Whatever’s in there is dangerous.”

“No kidding.” Poe ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t like this. If it’s making Rey ill and us uneasy, then it’s too powerful to have. We should destroy it.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “What if we can’t?”

“It was hidden here for a reason.” Finn put in as he strapped his blaster rifle around his shoulder. “If we can’t destroy it, we should make sure no one else can find it. We destroy the cave.”

The dark side screamed at him to ignore Rey’s friends. They weren’t Force welders. They feared what they didn’t understand. The artifact belonged to him. He was the rightful welder. He could control it, use it to end Snoke once and for all. Shaking his head, he turned from the others. These weren’t his thoughts. The artifact spoke to him, demanding he retrieve it. Maybe they should try to destroy it.

“We’re going in.” Ben snapped, his temper tugging at the leash. “We find out what this thing is then go from there.”

Clipping saber to his belt, he marched into the cave. Colder air caressed his face and caused his eyes to water. The sunlight faded, eaten by the darkness inside. The dark side filled the surrounding air, whispered in his mind. It wrapped around him, causing his own darkness to swell within him. He breathed it in, took it deep inside him, let it fuel his power. Energy, electric and dangerous, flowed through him. His breathing increased and his heart thudded in his chest. He had never felt this much power, not since arriving on Korriban. This was a source of dark power and it guided him deeper into the cave. 

“Ben.” Rey whispered behind him. Fear coated her voice and unease radiated off her. The instinct to turn to her swelled within him, but he couldn’t. He was so close to the source of the dark power. His fingers itched to retrieve it, eager to have it in his possession. 

“We’re almost there.” He told her, hoping to calm her nerves. 

“I’m going to throw up.” The trimmer in her voice increased his alarm. 

Ben spun to face her. The dark of the cave swallowed her whole, but he could sense her. He reached through the darkness and found her warmth. Caressing her face, he pushed his calmness and excitement toward her. She gasped and pressed her face against his hand.

“I’m here.” He whispered, taking a step closer to her. “Nothing will happen to you.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” She placed her hand over his. “I think it’s trying to corrupt me. Turn me.”

He shook his head. “Don’t listen to it. If you have to, go back outside.”

“I’m not leaving you, Ben.” Her voice grew stronger, more compelling. “I won’t let this thing take you.”

Chewie grumbled, his growl echoing in the darkness. Gritting his teeth, Ben removed his hand and turned back around. The Wookie was right. The longer they took, the worse things would get for all of them. They needed to find this thing. 

Igniting his saber, he led the way deeper into the cave. Water dripped from the ceiling, plopping on the ground. The chittering and growling of creatures bounced off the walls. The eerie glow of his saber guided the way across a narrow bridge. Voices whispered in his ears, begging him to find the artifact, encouraging him to use it against his enemies. He scoffed at that. The only enemy he had was Snoke. 

_What of those with you right now?_ A louder voice hissed in his ear, his mind. _Do you really believe they accept you? Do you really believe they’ll allow you within their ranks? They fear you. Will always fear you._

His stomach churned with uncertainty. He knew Poe and Finn didn’t trust him. He sensed it even now. From the beginning, he hadn’t wanted to be amongst them and they knew it. They didn’t want him there either. Even if they reluctantly worked with him now, what made him believe they’d work with him again once they were back at their base. 

No, the voice was right. They’d never accept him because he aligned himself with the dark side. They’d always fear him and would never trust him. What made his mother believe he could ever be a part of her Resistance? He hadn’t wanted to join them. Maybe getting this artifact and using it against them all would finally convince his mother to leave him alone. 

Torches flared to life on the wall, revealing a corridor spanning out in front of him. Even though the dark pulled him forward, the corridor was the only way forward. Deactivating his saber, he stepped into the hallway. The walls of the hall were jagged rock, polished from the dripping water and time. An icy breeze blew down the hall, ruffling his hair. The flames of the torches wavered, but didn’t go out. 

Rey called out behind him. He spun to catch her as she tumbled forward. He blinked at her, then looked down at her feet. What could she have stumbled over?

“I felt dizzy.” She gasped as she stood straighter. “I lost my balance.”

He furrowed his brow. “If it’s affecting you this bad, maybe you should head back.”

Rey shook her head. “I’m not leaving you to face this thing alone.”

Concern flooded him as he ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t like the idea of her pushing herself to stay with him. She didn’t need to exhaust herself out of some strange obligation to him, to his mother. He opened his mouth to order her back, but she narrowed her eyes.

“I’m staying.” She snapped, her hands on her hips. “You can’t force me to leave.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I can compel you.”

Snorting, she folded her arms against her chest. “I don’t have a weak mind, Ben. Plus, I’m a Jedi. It won’t work.”

Rolling his eyes, Ben turned on his heel and marched down the corridor. Let her get sicker because of her stubbornness. What did he care? He wasn’t responsible for her, wasn’t responsible for any of them. They’d chosen to be here, they’d chosen to stay even as the anxiety increased within them.

The hallway widened out into a large chamber. In the middle of the room, on a raised dais, sat a sarcophagus. Dark power filled the room and his heart pounded in his chest. 

“This was what Snoke was looking for?” Poe asked behind him. “A coffin?”

“No.” Ben strode toward it, both pulled toward it and of his own free will. “He wants what’s inside.”

“Ben, stop.” Rey called out to him. “I don’t like this. The dark side is too strong here.”

“I don’t like it, either.” Finn’s voice lost its bravado. “Let’s just get out of here and blast the cave.” 

Ben focused on the coffin. The whispers increased in volume and pace. His breathing grew uneven as he drew closer. Carved out of black marble, it was six feet in length. The light from the scattered torches cast a red-orange glow over the marble. Carved into the lid was the image of a man in Sith armor. Why hadn’t this person been entombed with the other Sith Lords on Korriban? Had he died after the Sith’s reign on the planet? Had he died before? Shaking his head, he knew it didn’t matter. This coffin held what Snoke searched for. It had drawn him here. What lay inside wanted him to have it.

“Don’t open it.” Rey whispered to him.

Ben stared at her. She stood a few feet behind him. Her face had lost all color. She appeared to be on the verge of fainting. His stomach twisted at the thought of her being ill. He wanted to comfort her, take her away from the source of her discomfort. He also wanted to discover what lay inside the coffin. Snoke couldn’t have it, whatever it was.

“Whatever’s inside can’t get into Snoke’s hands.” He warned her as he turned back to the sarcophagus. “We have to open it.”

“Forget it.” Poe spoke up. “We can destroy this cave and no one will be able to get inside.”

Ben shook his head as he raised his hand. “Snoke will find a way to get in.”

The marble lid rose into the air and Rey called out. He looked at her and she doubled over, then dropped to her knees. His heart clenched as he turned toward her, letting the lid fall to the ground. The crash echoed through the chamber. He hurried toward her, kneeling beside her. She threw up near his knees and his stomach twisted into a knot. 

“Let’s get out of here!” Finn demanded as he helped Rey to her feet. 

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Her gaze caught his. Chewie and Poe turned and ran from the chamber.

“Place explosives near the entrance!” Poe ordered. “We’re blowing this place.”

Finn tugged at Rey’s arm. “Come on.”

Rey held out her hand to Ben. “Leave it, Ben. It’s too dangerous. It’s of the dark side. I’ve felt nothing like it. Please, Ben, leave it.”

Ben shook his head and turned back to the opened coffin. The whispers called to him, filled him with promises of power. He didn’t care about the power, but he cared about making sure Snoke never got his hands on this weapon. Staring down into the coffin, he saw the long dead corpse of a Sith Lord. The remains of the armor barely covered the bones lying within. The mask had split open, revealing a toothless skull with large eye sockets and jagged scars. His gaze traveled down the body until he spotted the corpse’s hands grasping a hilt.

“Ben!” Rey’s voice begged his attention, but his focus was solely on the dragon shaped hilt. 

He held out his hand and called the hilt to him. It slapped into his palm and a surge of dark power filled him. His breath caught as darkness engulfed him. Closing his eyes, he drew upon the power, letting it permeate every corner of his being. His insecurity disappeared, leaving him feeling stronger and more in control than ever before. His anger of past slights rumbled underneath, but the whispers encouraged him to use it to his benefit.

_Kill them all._ A voice whispered in his head. It was neither Snoke nor Revan. 

He opened his eyes and watched as Rey and her friends fled the chamber. Rey continued to call after him as she struggled against Finn’s hold. Fury exploded within him and he hurried after them. They wanted to leave him in this chamber while they destroyed it. 

Ben screamed at them as he ignited the weapon in his hand. The blade was deep purple with a black core. Red sparks danced up and down the blade, mixing with the purple. He stared at it, mesmerized by the beauty. The voice continued to demand he kill the others. It wanted to feed, implored him to increase his dark power through it. 

“We’re not leaving him!” Rey’s angry shout drew his attention to her. 

Rey and Finn disappeared into the dark corridor, but he picked up his pace. They wouldn’t escape him. They, too, would die in this cave along with him. Twirling the blade, he followed them into the corridor. 

“Rey!” He called after her, the blade casting an eerie glow across the walls. 

The torches flared to life down the hall, letting him see the two rush to get as far away from him as possible. Snarling, he flung a wave of lightning toward them. Finn shoved Rey in front of him, taking the brunt of the attack instead of her. Ben’s lips twitched as Finn’s screams echoed off the walls.

“Stop it, Ben!” Rey shouted at him. “This isn’t you. It’s that weapon. It’s using you!”

“You don’t know what this is!” Ben snapped as he marched closer to them. “If Snoke gets his hands on this, it’ll make him more powerful. He could give this to one of his Knights and they’ll be unstoppable.”

“If you keep it, he’ll know you have it.” Rey helped Finn to his feet, then drew her lightsaber. “He’s still in your head, Ben. Or have you forgotten?”

Ben twirled the blade. “I haven’t forgotten.”

Rey pushed Finn behind her and ignited her saber. Narrowing her eyes, she moved into a fighting stance. He sensed she didn’t want to fight him, read it in her mind, through their Bond. Fear and sorrow buffeted against him, giving him pause. His heart hammered in his chest as it screamed at him not to attack her. He cared about her, had always cared about her. She’d been the only one to understand him, to worry about him in return. Closing his eyes, he tightened his grip on the saber. 

_Kill them._ The saber whispered to him. _They’re trying to stop you. They want to bury you in this cave._

Roaring, Ben swung the saber at Rey. She blocked the attack, but stumbled backward. Finn called her name behind her, but Ben’s focus was on Rey. He pushed against her blade as he stared into her eyes.

“You’re not burying me in this cave.” He growled as he shoved her blade away. 

Rey ducked under his blade, then Force pushed him back down the corridor. His back slammed into the ground, knocking the wind out of him. Growling, he scrambled to his feet and shouted at Rey as she raced into the darkness. 

“Rey!” His scream echoed off the walls.

Keeping his gaze on the glowing yellow light dancing in the shadows, he raced after her. He wouldn’t let her get away. He wouldn’t let any of them get away.


	15. Chapter 15

Rey burst out of the tunnel into the enormous cavern. Her heart threatened to explode out of her chest and her lungs burned for air. She stumbled to a stop and inhaled large gulps of air. Ben’s screams of rage echoed off the walls behind her and in her head. Pain of abandonment tore through the Bond and her stomach clenched. She didn’t want to abandon him, she wouldn’t. He had to see that. 

Taking a deep breath, she turned and stared at the entrance to the tunnel. A purple glow illuminated the darkness and she stepped into a fighting stance.

“Rey, we need to go.” Finn’s voice held urgency.

“I’m not leaving him.” She bit out, keeping her gaze on the entrance.

“He’s lost his mind!” Finn shouted at her. “We can’t let that saber leave this cave.”

She glared at Finn, ice slicing through her veins at his words. To know her friend would bury their General’s son in a cave in order to keep the saber out of Snoke’s hands terrified her. To know he wouldn’t even try to help Ben hurt her more than she thought possible. 

“You can leave then.” Rey twirled her saber. “I’m not giving up on him.”

“Rey!” Finn stepped toward her.

Ben slid out of the tunnel. The purple glow illuminated his face as he pointed the blade at her. The darkness she’d sensed in him swirled in his eyes. 

_I have to reach him._ She forced the icy fear gripping her heart to the back of her mind. _This isn’t him. It’s the saber._

“Ben, listen to me.” She kept her voice calm as her heart raced in her chest. “The saber is making you do this. It’s too dangerous. It needs to be destroyed.”

“That’s your answer for everything, isn’t it?” Ben snarled. “The holocron is too dangerous. It needs to be destroyed. The saber is too dangerous. _I’m_ too dangerous.”

Rey shook her head. “No one wants to destroy you, Ben.”

“Liar!” He shouted and charged toward her, swinging the blade.

She ducked under it and spun away from him. He turned around, swinging the saber with him. She blocked the blade before it collided with her head. She stared into his eyes, at the hatred in the dark orbs. A chill slid through her. How could she reach him when the saber had such a hold on him? How could she reach him when the actions of her friends confirmed what he believed? 

With a sneer, he shoved her blade away, then swung at her head with a backhand swing. She ducked under the attack and retaliated by thrusting her saber at his shoulder. It struck its mark, but it only seemed to anger him more. He didn’t hiss in pain nor did he clutch at his wound. He glared at her and increased his attacks. 

She backed away from him, blocking each blow he rained down upon her. Even with a wounded shoulder, he attacked with such force. She didn’t sense any pain from him, only anger, hatred, and determination to kill her and her friends. 

_I need to get the saber away from him._ She ducked under the swinging blade and spun around him.

A blaster fired in the cavern's dimness. Ben spun around and froze the bolt in midair. Finn stared at him in stunned silence. The bolt vibrated between them and Rey realized this was her opportunity to strike, to take the saber from him. The darkness of the weapon reached toward her, whispered to her. Unease and nausea shuddered through her. A headache throbbed in her temples, increasing the longer she stayed in its presence. 

A growl rumbled through Ben and the blaster bolt soared back toward Finn. He dove out of the way and Ben turned to face her. A roar escaping her, she sliced one of the blades through the air. It tore across Ben’s stomach, ripping through the black undershirt. He didn’t flinch and the icy grip of fear grabbed her heart. 

With a roar of his own, he leaped into the air, flipping over her. He landed behind her and swung the blade. She blocked it and the collision vibrated down her arms. 

The chittering of the creatures in the cave turned into screeches. Flapping wings rumbled through the darkness, but she kept her gaze on Ben. She could reach him, she knew. 

“Listen to me, Ben.” She kept her voice soothing, calm. “We can leave the cave together, but you need to drop the saber.”

He narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. A voice in her head whispered to kill him, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. This was the saber trying to turn her. She refused to give into it, refused to give up on him. 

Screeches echoed through the cave, breaking into her stare down with Ben. A shift in the air warned her something far more dangerous threatened her and her friends. She flicked her gaze to the darkness and shadows moved within, angry and scared. 

“We need to go!” Finn shouted as he fired his blaster into the shadows.

Shrieks bounced off the walls and the shadows separated to form black wings and red eyes. The cave’s inhabitants flew out of the darkness and toward the three. Rey Force pushed Ben away from her and swung at one creature’s feet as it swooped down toward her. Shrieking, it flew away. Ben sliced through the body of another creature and thrust out his hand, pushing away another. Finn fired up into the darkness. More screeching filled the cave.

Lightning shot from Ben’s fingers, illuminating the surrounding shadows. It struck a creature, revealing leather wings and black talons. Its scream echoed louder than anything Rey ever heard. It dropped to the ground, twitching. Finn continued to fire into the shadows. 

Rey swung her blades at another attacking creature and it tumbled to the ground. Alerted to the cries of the creatures, Poe and Chewie hurried into the cave. More blaster fire filled the chamber, striking more of the flying creatures. She turned her attention to Ben, who stood in the middle of the cavern, surrounded by large winged bodies. 

“Ben!” She shouted at him as she made her way toward him. “We need to leave.”

She hoped using the plural would tell him he was included. Short of knocking him out again, she didn’t know how else to reach him. As she drew closer to him, she saw blood running down his face from a scratch on his forehead. His undershirt was torn, revealing bloody wounds in his shoulders. He continued to fight, striking at the creatures attempting to attack him. Did he feel any pain at all? Most people would’ve been out cold by now from exhaustion or blood loss. Was the saber keeping him upright?

She jumped over a body to reach Ben, but he Force pushed her away from him. She landed on her back; the breath knocked out of her. Staring into the darkness, she took in several deep breaths to bring herself under control. She called the Light to her, let it fill her, strengthen her. She wouldn’t fail. Wouldn’t fail Ben. She wouldn’t fail Leia. She wouldn’t fail herself. 

_I can do this._ Pushing herself to her feet, she stared into the gloom and found the glow of the purple blade. Igniting her double bladed saber, she rushed toward him, swiping at the creatures unwise enough to get in her way.

She leaped over the body of the creature and swung her blade downward. Ben turned and raised his weapon to block her. She landed on her feet, their sabers humming and sizzling between them. Snarling, she shoved his blade away and kicked him in the stomach. He tumbled backward, but didn’t lose his balance. Encouraged, she rained blow upon blow on him. He blocked her attacks, but she sensed exhaustion through their Bond. Her stomach clenched as she realized it was the saber keeping him standing. Any other time, she knew he’d be unconscious from the pain alone. She knew he was strong, stubborn even, but this was beyond even using the Force to keep him upright. 

“Drop the saber, Ben.” She implored when their sabers locked again. “Please. It’s killing you.”

“Your friends wanted to kill me.” He snarled, pushing against her blade. “They wanted to bury me in that tomb.”

Tears filling her eyes, she raised her right hand and touched his temple. Reaching into the Force, through their Bond, she commanded him to sleep. His eyes rolled back into his head and he dropped to the ground. The saber clattered away from his hand and deactivated. The inky blackness of the saber dissipated, but she continued to feel nauseous. She stared at Ben, the hatred and rage she felt earlier gone. She knelt beside him and ran her fingers through his hair. The snarl twisting his face faded, leaving a calm peacefulness smoothing his features. 

Footsteps crunched behind her and she closed her eyes. She sensed the three behind her, fear, anger, urgency. With a sigh, she looked up at her friends.

“I guess we’re not blowing the cave?” Poe folded his arms against his chest. 

Rey looked back at Ben, her fingers tangled in his hair. It didn’t matter what they did, but she knew Ben was right. They couldn’t let Snoke get his hands on the saber. Even if they left it here and buried it under tons of mountain, Snoke could still find a way to retrieve it. They had to take it with them. She couldn’t touch it, though, and neither could Ben.

“We need to take the saber with us.” She looked back up at the three. “Ben and I can’t touch it, though.”

Poe’s eyes widened. “You want one of us to handle that thing?”

Rey fought the urge to roll her eyes. “It affects Force-users. You saw what it did to Ben. It could do the same to me. I felt it reach to me. I felt the dark side, heard it.”

“I’ll get it.” Finn slung his blaster rifle over his shoulder and headed for where the saber lay a few feet from Ben’s hand.

Rey relaxed and turned her attention back to Ben. He’d be out for hours. Plenty of time for the effects of the saber to leave him before they arrived at their base. 

“Let’s get out of here before those creatures decide to have another crack at us.” Poe growled as he spun on his heel and headed for the entrance.

Rey sighed and climbed to her feet. Chewie barked softly to her as he stepped toward Ben. He lifted the darksider into his arms and nodded for her to lead the way. With a soft smile of thanks to him, she followed Poe. 

“We should destroy this thing.” Finn whispered beside her. “It’s too dangerous.”

“I know.” Rey answered as she clipped her saber to her belt. “We can’t let Snoke get his hands on it.”

“Not just Snoke.” Finn added. “We can’t let Ben get his hands on it again.”

Rey’s stomach dropped to her feet. Finn was right. None of them could let Ben touch the saber again.

_I just hope he doesn’t try to get it back._

****

Ben woke to a blinding white light through his eyelids. Pain tore through his shoulders and stomach, bringing a groan from him. He curled in on himself as he fought to calm his breathing. Images of glowing purple and yellow flashed through his mind. A cold darkness whispered through him, caressed him. It wasn’t his darkness. It wasn’t comforting or soothing. He shivered.

“Ben?” Rey’s voice and warm hand on his shoulder chased the icy darkness away. 

He opened his eyes to find her hovering over him. Worry filled her hazel eyes and it flowed from her. Her lower lip wobbled as her fingers ran through his hair. Electricity tingled through his body at her touch. Closing his eyes, he basked in her nearness. He tilted his head toward her hand.

“How are you feeling?” Rey asked, her voice cracking.

Ben stared at her. Couldn’t she feel his emotions through the Force? Maybe she didn’t want to know about his emotions.

“I hurt everywhere.” He answered, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried to sit up. Pain shot through him and he gasped. 

“What do you remember?” Rey asked, as she placed her hand on his chest.

Closing his eyes, he brought forth the planet they landed on, the mission to discover what Snoke wanted on Ilian. Images flashed through his mind; the Knights of Ren, the cave, the coffin in the middle of a chamber. The saber that called to him promised power.

His eyes opened on a gasp. He stared at Rey. Fear shifted through her eyes. He reached toward her, but she flinched and his heart sank. His fingers curled into his palm as he fought down the rising anger bubbling in his chest.

“I remember finding the saber in the coffin.” He didn’t look at her. “It was what Snoke was after.”

“Do you remember anything after that?” Rey’s voice trembled and he gazed at her.

Ben stared at his hands as he forced his mind to bring up more images. A flash of purple flickered through, yelling, screeching. The hum and clash of sabers. His heart raced in his chest and an icy chill seeped through his blood. 

“I remember igniting the saber.” He closed his eyes, trying to force the images to solidify. “I remember this overwhelming anger and darkness flowing through me.”

He stared at her then. Her eyes sparkled with wetness and he ached to brush away the tears. The image of her flinching a moment ago stayed his hand, though. She didn’t want his touch and he wondered if it had anything to do with what happened in that cave.

“I remember little after that.” He whispered. “I remember yelling.”

“You attacked us.” Rey’s voice held steel even as a tear escaped her eye. “You thought we wanted to kill you, to bury you with the saber.”

He narrowed his eyes and tried again to sit up. His shoulders burned and his chest throbbed. He sucked in a breath, then gritted his teeth against the pain.

“Lie still.” Rey ordered as she stood. “I’ll get you something for the pain.”

Ben shook his head. “Leave it. Tell me what the hell happened in that cave.”

Rey sat down, but he sensed hesitation and worry from her. He reached for her again, and this time, she allowed him to take her hand.

“Just what I said.” Rey whispered as she moved closer to him. “You attacked us. I stabbed you in the shoulder and cut your stomach, yet you continued to fight as if you didn’t feel a thing.”

An icy chill sliced through him and he closed his eyes. He tried to bring up those memories, but he couldn’t. Gritting his teeth, he stared up at the ceiling. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t remember. It sounded as if he’d lost his mind. Maybe he had.

“What happened to the saber?” He asked, turning his attention back to her. “Where is it?”

Rey sighed and looked away. “We debriefed Luke and Leia that we found it down there. We told them what it did to you. Luke wants it destroyed.”

Ben scoffed. “Of course he does.”

She squeezed his hand. “After what it did to you, what it tried to make you do, I agree with him.”

Ben narrowed his eyes and pushed himself closer to her. She held his gaze and sensed she wouldn’t argue with him on this. Concern about his well being and needing to protect him flowed through the Bond. On instinct, he raised his right hand close to her head and pushed into her mind. She flinched, but didn’t shove him out, didn’t raise any barriers. 

Through her eyes, he saw his uncle and mother waiting for their arrival. Leia, with eyes full of concern, stepped toward Rey. Rey grabbed his mother’s hands and told her what happened as his mother stared over Rey’s shoulder. She looked behind her and he flinched as he watched Chewie carry him down the ramp. 

Gritting his teeth, he rushed through the memory of the arrival until Rey entered a conference room. His mother and uncle sat at the head of a long table. His mother smiled at her as Luke leaned back in his chair with his arms across his chest. Rey sat beside his mother as Poe, Finn, and Chewie stepped into the room.

“This is what Snoke wanted.” Poe tossed the saber onto the table. “It’s dangerous. I suggested we bury it in the tomb, but your son decided differently.”

“He attacked us.” Finn stared at the saber as if it were about to strike. “With that.”

“I think it pushed him further to the dark side.” Rey looked at Leia. “I felt it. I told him we should leave it, but he was afraid Snoke would get it if we didn’t take it with us. He turned it on and it took over him. He thought we were going to bury him with the saber.”

Poe shook his head. “That wasn’t my intention at all. If he had left the damn thing where it was and left with us…”

Poe ran his hands over his face.

“We need to destroy it.” Luke glared at the saber. “We can’t let Snoke or Ben get their hands on it. If this is what I believe it is, it’s the worst dark side artifact there is.”

“I think he knew what it is, too.” Rey whispered. “He understands Snoke can’t get his hands on it. I’m just afraid Snoke might know he has it and find some way to force him to give it to the First Order.”

Luke nodded with a sigh. “Then we need to find a way to destroy it. It’s the only way.”

“I don’t think you or Rey should be near this thing.” Leia looked at both of them. “I’ll have my weapons’ maker and engineers look at this thing. If it can be destroyed, they’ll find a way.”

Ben left Rey’s mind and ran a hand through his hair. He stared at the ceiling as their words swirled around his mind. Right this minute, the saber might be in the hands of Leia’s scientists. He sensed the saber calling to him as it had in the forest. Closing his eyes, he reached out toward it, letting its dark fingers curl around his own darkness. A surge of dark power flowed through him and he inhaled. It was the same feeling he had on Ilian. 

“Ben?” Rey squeezed his hand and he looked at her. Fear darkened her eyes and it spiked through their Bond.

“I can still sense the saber.” He whispered, returning her squeeze. “It’s calling to me.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “You can’t go to it. Please, Ben. After what it did to you…”

Ben shook his head. “I can fight it. It’s not as strong as it was on the planet.”

“We have to get you off this ship.” Rey stood. “We can’t take the chance of you going to it.”

“You don’t trust me.” Ben growled, narrowing his eyes.

“I don’t trust the saber, Ben.” Rey tried to keep her voice soft, but he sensed her anxiety. 

It hurt to know after all this time, she didn’t trust him. After everything they’ve been through at Luke’s academy, it was one simple mistake that caused her to not trust him. His heart constricting, he looked away from her. His fingers curled into the bed sheets beneath him. 

“I discussed it with Leia.” Rey continued, her voice calm. “She agrees. Until we destroy this thing, you can’t be on this ship.”

He glared at her and pushed himself toward her. “You should have left me on Nithian then.”

Rey sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “We still need your help, Ben.”

“Is that all they care about?” He snarled. “What I can do for them? They don’t care-”

“I do care.” Leia’s voice stopped him. “I’m doing this to keep you safe.”

He turned his attention to his mother as she strode toward the bed. Her gaze held his. Worry and resolve flowed from her. The impulse to argue with her filled him. He knew once she set her mind to something, there wasn’t much that would change it. He had firsthand experience. Closing his eyes, he drew in several deep breaths to calm himself. Anger simmered within him, but he kept silent. 

“What if you can’t find a way to destroy it?” He asked, staring at her through his lashes.

“We’ll drop it into a sun.” Leia smirked. “You’re right, Ben. We can’t let Snoke have it, but neither can we let you get your hands on it again.”

“Please, Ben.” Rey whispered, her concern for him flowing through the Bond. 

“Where?” He looked at his mother, then Rey. “Where can I go to get away from its influence? You obviously won’t let me go back to Nithian.”

“We’re going to Takodana.” Leia replied. “We have a base there and should be able to regroup.”

Ben sighed and stared at the ceiling. Memories of miles and miles of trees flashed through his mind. He’d been a young boy and remembered the excitement of going to a different planet. The face of an orange alien with enormous eyes appeared in his mind next. At the time, the alien had been as tall as he was, but she’d been an adult, probably even older than Chewie. He’d explored the castle, gotten lost in the forest surrounding it, and found a lake to play in. He’d learn to swim in that lake. 

Was the alien still there? Was the castle? Would he still feel the call of the saber from Takodana?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what they found. https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Soulsaber


	16. Chapter 16

Ben strode down the _Falcon’s_ ramp and took in the surrounding trees. A warm breeze ruffled his hair, bringing the scent of a coming storm. He stared up at the sky as dark clouds drifted overhead. A hand gripped his arm and he looked down to stare into Rey’s hazel eyes. She smiled at him, but the cheer he sensed from her didn’t fill him. 

“I could’ve stayed on the ship.” He turned his gaze back to the clearing spread out before them. “I don’t need to be here.”

It was true. If all they wanted was to keep him away from the saber, getting away from the planet the saber was on should’ve been enough. Why did he need to be here? Why did he need to be around more of the Resistance?

“Nonsense.” His mother’s voice drew his attention to her. She smiled at him, her eyes beseeching him not to fight her on this. “You are a part of the Resistance now. Everyone needs to know you.”

Ben narrowed his eyes as his hands dug into his palms. He didn’t want to get acquainted with the rest of the Resistance. Sneering, he pulled his arm from Rey and marched after his mother.

“I’m not part of the Resistance.” He growled as he fought the instinct to grab his mother’s arm. “You kidnapped me, remember? I never wanted any of this!”

She stopped and stared at him. Folding her arms against her chest, she raised her chin. He knew that look. She’d won many arguments with his father and senators by giving them a similar glare. He refused to back down.

“You’re a part of it now, Ben.” She kept her voice calm, but fire kindled in her eyes. “You’re safer here.”

His temper straining, he shoved his fingers into his hair. He didn’t know how to get through to her. Now, she wanted to protect him? She’d thrown him away. She’d shown him many times her career was more important than him. He glared at her as he pushed down his burning anger.

“Fine.” He snarled as he took a step toward her. “I’m here, but I won’t participate in your rebellion.”

Leia opened her mouth, but he didn’t care to hear anymore. Spinning on his heel, he headed into the forest. He ignored her calling his name, ignored Rey’s calls for him. It hurt more to disregard Rey, but he couldn’t stop. He knew if he did, Rey would convince him to stay.

_You should’ve come to me._ Snoke’s voice whispered in his head. _I, at least, would take your disagreements into consideration._

Ben stopped and closed his eyes. _How the hell do you keep getting around my barriers?_

Snoke chuckled, a grating sound causing him to grit his teeth. It scraped along his spine. His fingers itched to open the holocron and demand Revan show him how to block this creature from his mind forever.

_Your barriers are strong, but I have more experience. You can’t keep me out forever, boy. I will always be with you._

The crunching of leaves alerted him to another. Growling, he continued deeper into the forest. He couldn’t face whoever chased him. They might learn Snoke still communicated with him. He feared they’d see the truth in his eyes. If it was Rey, he knew it’d be worse. They shared a Bond. She’d know even better than anyone else. 

“Ben!” Rey’s voice carried on the wind and his heart constricted. “Wait.”

Ben fought with himself to keep going. His heart demanded he stop and wait for her, but his mind knew she only wanted to persuade him to come back. He forced himself to keep going. As much as he desired to be with Rey, he didn’t know if she wanted him. 

_Ben._ Rey’s voice slipped into his mind, halting him. _Please come back._

_Why?_ He turned toward the direction of the crunching leaves. _You got what you wanted. I’m away from the saber. What more do you want?_

Rey stepped out of the shadows of the trees into a ray of light. It bathed her in a golden glow and his breath caught. His heart skipped a beat and his mouth grew dry. She closed the gap between them and he swallowed. Her eyes, filled with concern, roamed over him. His fingers itched to run through her hair and his groin jerked.

“I want you safe.” She whispered as her gaze continued to wander over him. “Snoke is still after you. The Knights of Ren are still out there.”

“I can handle them, Rey.” He pushed through clenched teeth. “There are only two left.”

Rey shook her head. “Snoke is still in your head, isn’t he? He could learn where we are through you.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair and turned from her. Snoke had asked a few times where he was, but not because he cared to know the whereabouts of the Resistance. Closing his eyes, he dragged in a deep breath. It didn’t matter.

“I won’t tell Snoke where we are.” He faced her. “It wouldn’t matter, anyway. I didn’t tell him about Nithian, but the Knights still found me. You still found me. It’s only a matter of time before they find me again.”

She stepped closer. “Then stay with us.”

He shook his head. “I’ll only put you in danger by staying here. I don’t know why my mother doesn’t see that.”

“It’s because she loves you and wants to protect you.” She placed a hand on his face.

“I can protect myself.” He narrowed his eyes. “I’ve been doing fine until you showed up on my doorstep.”

A spark lit in Rey’s eyes. He held himself still as he held her gaze. Instead of arguing with him, she sighed. She wrapped her arms around herself. He stared at the back of her head and chewed on his inner cheek.

“We need your help, Ben.” Her voice cracked, but she took a deep breath and continued. “I know it might seem as if we only need you for your power, but you’re our only hope.”

She turned back around, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “We can’t do this without you.”

Ben stared at her, a retort on the tip of his tongue. He’d already said what he wanted to say days ago. The words had fallen on deaf ears. Anything he said now wouldn’t reach them. Instead, he spun on his heel and marched deeper into the forest.

“Ben!” 

“Go back to my mother.” He shouted. “She never needed me before. Why would she now?”

Her footsteps hurried after him, but he didn’t stop. Not this time. If she wanted to get lost in the forest with him, he wouldn’t stop her. He wasn’t going back. One way or another, they’d all learn he didn’t want a part of this war. He never wanted it. 

_Maybe I can find a place to build a new home here. At least until I find a way off this rock._

His feet left the ground and he hovered in the air. The crunching of footsteps drew closer and he glared down at Rey. She smiled up at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Concern and resolve coursed through their Bond.

“Put me down.” Ben demanded as he tried to break the Force hold. 

“No.” She snapped as her eyes narrowed. “You’re going to listen to me.”

He snorted. “Like you listened to me?”

“Your family needs you, Ben.” She took a step closer to him. “It’s time to come home.”

“Where were they when I needed them?” He growled, his Dark feeding off his anger. “They pushed me away when I needed them the most.”

Rey shook her head. “Show them you’re better than that. Show them you’ll be there for your family even when they weren’t there for you.”

Ben stared at her, his mind turning. Helping them even after they didn’t help him would be a form of revenge. His Dark balked at the notion of assisting them. The Dark demanded a different, more aggressive form of revenge. His family abandoned him. They didn’t deserve his help. Would helping them even ease the pain they caused? Would it even matter in the end?

“How?” He asked.

Lowering him to the ground, she closed the gap between them. His gaze dropped to her lips and his pulse pounded in his ears. How could his need for her override his desire to be left alone? The pull toward her grew stronger with each passing minute he spent with her. What was it about her that made him want to forgo everything he’d told her and be with her? 

“Tell us everything you know about Snoke.” She whispered as she took his hands in hers. “How long has he been talking to you? What has he offered you? Anything and everything you can think of.”

Electric fire coursed through him from their joined hands and his breath hitched. He fell into her eyes. Lost himself in the hazel depths. The instinct to pull her against him swelled, but he held back. A different battle raged within him. He wanted to take her in his arms, kiss her with every fiber of his being. He couldn’t, though. There was still an inkling of doubt that she desired him. They were old friends, forced back into each other’s lives because of a war. She might have allowed him to kiss her because of that familiarity. He couldn’t assume anything else. 

“He’s been in my head since I was a child.” The words came out before he realized. 

Rey’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open. He attempted to pull his hands from her, but she squeezed them. She pulled him closer and ran a hand through his hair. Closing his eyes, he pressed his face into her touch. Sparks tingled through him and his pants grew uncomfortable. 

Thunder rumbled in the distance, bringing him back to their situation. He looked up at the sky, past the drifting leaves. Dark clouds gathered overhead, blocking out the sun. They’d get drenched if it rained now. He looked at their surroundings, searching for shelter. Trees surrounded them, animals called to each other, and a chilly breeze brought the scent of rain.

“We need to head back.” Rey stepped back, but didn’t release his hands. “We can make it back before it rains.”

He stared at her, then at the sky. The wind tugged at his hair. The coldness caressing his face. He didn’t want to get caught in the rain, but he didn’t want to go back. His jaw clenched as he looked at Rey. Shadows fell over her face as worry filled their Bond. As much as he hated the idea of returning, he realized he wouldn’t find any shelter for them in time. Sighing, he nodded and relief flowed from her.

“Come on.” She pulled him with her as she led the way back through the forest. 

****

Ben and Rey burst through the doors of Maz’s castle as the skies opened. The doors slammed shut behind them, resonating through the room. All eyes turned to them and Ben clenched his fists at his sides. A bar took up most of the left side of the room. Tables sat scattered through the space, several people to each table. He glared back at the gathering, his gaze falling on his mother and father. They sat at a table with Poe, Finn and Chewie. His mother smiled at him as she stood. She meandered her way through the crowd toward him. 

“Decided to join us?” She asked as she drew closer.

“It started to rain.” He pushed out through clenched teeth.

She laughed and took his hand. A part of him warned him to resist, that if he moved one step further into the room, he’d be committing himself to the Resistance. Another part of him delighted in Leia’s acknowledgement. It was what he’d always wanted, what he longed for. Sighing, he allowed his mother to lead him through the tables to join her group. 

Wanting to know if she followed, he looked back at Rey. She beamed at him and his heart stuttered to a stop. He couldn’t get over how beautiful she was. Her fierce determination, her loyalty, bravery, compassion. It all combined to touch a part of him he’d believed couldn’t be reached. He’d desired her, he wouldn’t lie about that, but he knew now there was more to it. His heart picked up its pace whenever she was near or even looked at him. He longed to see her even when he was angry with her. 

“Dragged you back here, did she?” His father’s voice drew him out of his thoughts. 

“It was about to rain.” Ben repeated. “Wouldn’t have found any shelter in time.”

Han smirked and took a sip from a tin mug. Irritation surged through him, but he bit his inner cheek to keep from lashing out. He’d already made a scene just by entering the building. He still sensed eyes upon him, but he refused to look at anyone. Instead, he sat across from his father.

“So this is the long-lost son.” A voice pulled at his memories and he looked around for the source. “You’ve grown.”

An orange form leapt up from the floor to land on the table. He blinked as a small alien stood in front of him. A memory tugged at him as the alien adjusted her goggles. She returned his stare with a scrutiny that both irritated and concerned him. Hoping to hide his surprise, he narrowed his eyes.

“You don’t want to be here.” The little alien’s voice held both sadness and accusation. 

He scoffed. “I’m that obvious?”

She folded her arms against her chest. “Though it’s written all over your face and stance, I can see into your heart, boy.”

A sneer curled his lip. His fingers twitched with the urge to fling the alien across the room. A low growl escaped him as he glared at her. She cocked her head to the side as a small smile curved her lips.

“You long for acceptance, to be loved.”

“Shut up.” Ben growled as his fingers fisted on his thighs. He kept his gaze on the alien, but he sensed the stares of the others at the table. His heart thundered in his ears as this woman splayed him open for all to see. 

_I shouldn’t have come here._ He chastised himself. _I should’ve just stayed in the forest. A little rain never hurt anyone. I could’ve found a tree to sit under for the duration of the storm._

He remembered this woman now. A memory of her standing before him when he was younger flashed in his mind. She’d lay bare his heart then as well. Right in front of his father. He hadn’t enjoyed the experience then either.

“Don’t want others to know there’s more to you than being a welder of the dark side?” Maz asked with a smirk.

“That’s enough, Maz.” Leia warned. “It was difficult enough to get him to agree to come here.”

Maz sighed and placed her hands behind her back. She continued to stare at him as if she could see right into his soul. He kept his gaze with hers, daring her to reveal whatever she found. Even though she spoke the truth, he’d deny it all. She nodded and turned from him. 

“You took a lot of risk bringing him here.” Maz strode across the table to stand in front of his mother. 

“I know, but I didn’t have a choice.” Leia sighed and pressed her fingers against her forehead. “He found something too dangerous for him to be near.”

“So you brought him to my doorstep.”

“I’m right here.” Ben growled, his fists shaking from reigning in in his temper.

“I know.” Maz looked at him over her shoulder. “I need to know you won’t bring my castle down around our ears.”

Gritting his teeth, he pushed from the table. Rey grabbed his arm and he glared at her. Concern glittered in her eyes and flowed through their Bond.

_Stay, Ben._ She squeezed his arm. 

_She’s trying to goad me into-_

“You’re Bonded.” Maz breathed. “I can see it.”

Ben kept his gaze on Rey. It annoyed him that another person knew about his Bond with Rey. She squeezed his arm again and he sat down. What good would it do to run? It continued to rain outside. He didn’t doubt someone would try to stop him from leaving. There wasn’t anywhere to go, anyway. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Why don’t you tell the entire room while you’re at it.” He bit out as he glowered at Maz.

She smiled and he dug his fingers into his palms. His Dark welled within him, demanding he fling the irritating little alien across the room. Knowing it’d only make matters worse, he tamped the urge down. 

“A bonded pair like you two is very rare.” She paced across the table. “It hasn’t been seen in centuries.”

Ben gaped at Maz. “What do you know of Force Bonds?”

“Only stories.” She smiled. “Stay awhile and I might tell you.”

_Better her than the holocron._ Rey remarked.

He stared at the alien through his lashes. He didn’t doubt she knew more about bonds than the holocron. Still, he didn’t want to disregard what he could learn from it. He knew there were still things Revan could teach him. 

“Fine.” He grumbled as he folded his arms against his chest. “Tell me what you know.”

Maz chuckled. “All in good time. First, though, we need to get you settled.”

She jumped off the table and motioned to follow her. “Downstairs. Everyone.”

The scraping of wood against wood alerted him to the occupants of the table. They stood and filed after Maz. His mother looked at him and held out her hand to him. He narrowed his eyes, but decided it was better to go along. Thunder boomed outside, startling some patrons. He couldn’t leave now even if he wanted to. Not unless he wanted to get soaked. Sighing, he pushed from the table and followed his mother deeper into the castle.


	17. Chapter 17

Ben stood in the middle of a spartan room. A simple bed pressed up against the wall in front of him. A single overhead light sputtered, casting the small space in flashing gloom. An old desk stood in a corner of the room, covered in dust. When was the last time someone used this room? The walls were devoid of any pictures or windows. A door to his right led into a bathroom. How could anyone keep their sanity in this tiny space?

“You expect me to stay here?” He turned to stare at his mother. “There’s more room on the _Falcon_.” 

“You’ll get used to it.” Leia stepped into the room, causing the space to become even smaller.

He narrowed his eyes. “What makes you think I’ll even stay when the rain stops?”

She smiled and straightened his shirt. “I know there’s a part of you who wants to do the right thing. I’m counting on that to convince you to stay. To help us.”

“That part died when your brother tried to kill me.” He spun on his heel and strode the short distance to the bed. 

Leia sighed behind him, but he didn’t turn around. He glared at the bed, its pale rumpled sheets daring to blend into the white walls. Staring down at his black undershirt and pants, he realized he stuck out like a sore thumb in this pristine place. Maybe he should take his saber to the walls, add some color. It’d relieve the pent up anxiety within him.

“That part didn’t die, Ben.” Leia replied, her voice full of conviction. “You’re here.”

He glared at her over his shoulder. “I didn’t have a choice in the matter.”

Lips set in a firm line, she took a step closer. Resolve burned in her eyes as her gaze held his. She brushed a lock of hair off his forehead and a jolt sped through him. A memory of his younger self being comforted in much the same way flashed through his mind. His breath caught in his throat and he bit his inner cheek to keep the tears at bay. 

“I’ll always regret sending you away.” She whispered as her gaze wandered over his face. “If I could do it over again-”

“Don’t.” Ben stepped back. “We both know it wouldn’t happen. You were too focused on your career. I was in the way. A burden.”

“You weren’t a burden, Ben.” Leia argued. “You were my light. My hope. You still are.”

“Even though I fell to the dark side?” He bit out. 

His heart thudded in his chest. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to know the answer until he asked the question. For years, he’d believed she never wanted him, never loved him. She’d barely been around, always off to form deals with other senators. Even with memories of her comforting him pushing at the back of his mind, he still didn’t believe she’d cared. 

“I love you, Ben.” She took another step toward him, her eyes pleading with him. “You’re my son. Nothing will change what I feel for you.”

Tears stung his eyes and he turned away from her before she saw them. Her light and love flooded him. He closed his eyes as tears tracked down his cheeks. Dragging in a shuddering breath, he ran his fingers through his hair. 

A warm hand pressed against his back, tearing a sob from him. Placing his head in his hands, he called the Dark to him. He couldn’t break down in front of her. She’d know then he was still the scared little boy who had nightmares every night. 

“It’s all right, Ben.” Leia whispered behind him. “I know we’ll never make up for the things done to you, but I’m willing to try.”

Ben turned to face her, blinking at her through blurry vision. She was right. None of his family could make up for the neglect and abandonment. She wanted him back in her life, though. After all this time. His darker impulse demanded he refuse. To turn his back on her as she had him. The little boy, though, begged him to reconcile, to accept her offer to make amends. He bit his lip as she stood still. 

Movement behind Leia caught his attention. He raised his gaze to the doorway where Rey stood, watching. Heat tore through him and a knot formed in his stomach. How long had she stood there? Had she witnessed his near break down? He headed for the bathroom and slammed the door. Their voices called to him, but he locked the door with a wave of his hand. 

Ben stared at his reflection in the mirror as his mother knocked on the door. Wiping at his eyes with one hand, he turned on the water with the other. They could bang on the door for eternity for all he cared. He needed to get away from them, needed to get himself under control. He welded the dark side. Spent six years by himself. He didn’t need anyone. 

Cool water splashed against his skin, washing away the tears. The shock of the coldness invigorated him, chased away any lingering doubt in his head. The knocking on the door stopped, but he sensed his mother’s presence right outside.

_Are you all right?_ Rey’s voice was a gentle caress in his mind.

Ben wanted to push her out of his mind, tell her to leave him alone. A part of him was grateful for her presence. Of all the people here, she had chased after him, searched for him. Closing his eyes, he gripped the edges of the sink.

_I’m fine._ He brushed against her mind. 

She was worried, frantic for his wellbeing. His heart swelled and his temper eased. It amazed him how her nearness affected him. Was it the Bond? Was it the fact they comforted each other, cared for each other since they were padawans? He didn’t know and a part of him didn’t care. She’d always been there for him and he for her.

Sighing, he pushed from the sink and opened the door. Leia stopped pacing and stared at him. Rey remained in the doorway, her gaze holding his. 

Leia stepped toward him and took his hands. He searched her eyes, feeling her concern. She squeezed his hands and offered a smile. 

“I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.” She whispered. “I wanted you to realize you have a place here.”

Ben shook his head. He wanted to argue with her, yell at her he never had a place. Memories of being neglected flashed in his mind, of his father being gone for weeks at a time. Of his mother being gone all day. Of his uncle barely acknowledging him as his nephew. Closing his eyes, he pushed the anger down. What good would it do to rehash his earlier tirades? They knew how he felt, why he felt it. 

“Don’t expect-”

“I’m not expecting anything, other than your help.” Leia brushed his hair out of his eyes.

He stared at her as warmth flooded him. Why was she being motherly when she’d sent him away when he needed her the most? Was she making up for lost time? Was she trying to atone for all the missed years? Shaking his head, he stepped around her to stand before the bed. He clenched his hands at his sides, wishing them both gone. If they stayed any longer, he knew he’d break down again. 

“You’re free to explore the base if you wish.” Leia remarked, her voice soft. 

He doubted he’d step foot out of this room, but he nodded. Leia sighed behind him, and a second later, the door closed. With a shuddering breath, he sat on the bed. He ran his hands over his face, trying to get his emotions under control. His fingers itched to take his saber and slash at the walls. He glared at the walls as his fists clenched on his thighs. 

_You found the saber._ Snoke’s voice whispered in his head.

_Get out!_ Ben growled. _I’m not in the mood._

Snoke chuckled. _Imagine my surprise when two of my Knights came to me, telling me how you bested them. Course, they mentioned you had the Resistance with you._

The soft voice turned dark, grating against his nerves. He pushed against the presence in his head, forcing it back to the darkest parts of his mind. 

_No, you don’t, my boy._ Snoke snapped. _I won’t be easily pushed aside this time._

Electric fire ripped through his head and he cried out. He clasped his head in his hands, closing his eyes against the agony. Dropping to his knees, he pushed against Snoke. In an attempt to block Snoke’s intrusion, Ben pictured brick walls.

_Stop fighting me._ Snoke growled as he tore down Ben’s barriers. _The Resistance will squander your potential. Come to me and fulfill your destiny._

_What destiny is that?_ Ben snapped as he pushed himself to his feet. He unhooked his saber, but didn’t ignite it. His enemy was in his mind, but it felt good to feel the solid weight of his saber. 

_To do what your grandfather couldn’t._ Conviction coated Snoke’s voice. _To rule the galaxy, to destroy the Jedi._

His mind went straight to his uncle. Flashes of a green saber glowing against an enraged face appeared in his mind. His heart pounded in his chest, all fight leaving him. He could have his revenge against his uncle, against everyone who’d ever hurt him. Images of the padawans who attacked him replaced Luke’s face in his mind. Rey had said they were all dead, but what if some escaped? He gripped the hilt of his saber tighter.

_Yes._ Snoke’s voice coaxed him. _You can have your revenge against all the Jedi. Join me and no one will stand in your way. No one will harm you again._

The Dark wrapped around him, filled him with power, chased away the doubt and pain. He ignited his saber, the crackling and growling calming him. 

_Where are they?_ He narrowed his eyes. 

_Patience._ Snoke chuckled. _First, I need you to retrieve the saber you found. I saw you’ve used it. How did it feel?_

_Terrible and powerful._ Ben answered as he paced the room. The Dark surged through him, demanding he unleash it. Did this place have a training room? _I couldn’t be stopped._

_Yes._ Snoke’s giddiness echoed in his mind. _It called to you. Chose you out of all the darksiders to weld it. It is yours._

_It isn’t where I am right now._ Ben sighed. _After what it made me do, they didn’t want me anywhere near it._

_Of course not._ Snoke growled. It made you more powerful, increased their fear of you. _You don’t belong with them. The Resistance will continue to undermine you, make you powerless. Tame you._

_Don’t you want to do the same?_ Ben twirled his saber as he glared at the walls. _Don’t you want to bend me to your will? You’re just as bad as they are!_

_I want you to reach your potential, boy._ Snoke’s voice rumbled through his mind. _You are destined for greatness. You are Darth Vader’s heir._

****

Rey pushed her food around on her plate as she stared at the entrance to the mess hall. Half of her expected Ben to march through the door for food, while the other half knew he wouldn’t show. She didn’t even know why she expected him to. He’d made it clear several times he didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to be a part of this rebellion. Sighing, she shoved her plate away and leaned back in her chair. 

She’d felt his sorrow when he spoke to his mother. Felt the pain at what he’d believed had been rejection all those years ago. She wished he’d realized how much his family loved him. Holding on to all that anger wouldn’t do him any good. 

A tray clattered in front of her, bringing her attention to Rose. The smaller woman sat down with a sigh and picked up a fork.

“Finn can be such an ass.” Rose admitted through clenched teeth.

Rey smiled. “What’d he do now?”

Rose rolled her eyes, then stabbed at pieces of fruit on her plate. When she’d shown up a year ago, she’d gravitated to Rey and Finn. Poe, being the ever suspicious person, took longer to warm up to her. Now all four of them were like peas in a pod, a family. Something she’d longed for, but she still felt something was missing. Or someone. 

“Two days ago, he promised me we’d have dinner alone together tonight.” She glared at a bright blue berry before shoving it into her mouth. “Now Poe insists they do some sweeps together and he’s all for it.”

She stabbed a purple potato hard enough to send it flying off the table. Blinking at it on the floor, she sighed. 

“Those two have been friends for a long time.” Rey mentioned, placing a hand on Rose’s. “Don’t take it personally. Finn saved Poe’s life and the two have been inseparable.”

“I shouldn’t be disappointed, but he promised. Two days ago.” Rose sat back in her chair, a mournful expression in her dark eyes. 

“Well, you can either remind him of his promise or let it go.”

Rose looked at her, a mischievous gleam in her eye. “Or maybe I can promise him something, then at the last minute, go fix droids with you.”

Rey laughed and she sensed the despair disappear from Rose. She smiled at her friend, glad to at least relieve one person’s disappointment. She stared at her food as her thoughts drifted back to Ben.

“You’re thinking of our resident darksider?” Rose asked.

Rey sighed and picked up her fork to dig at her food again. She and Rose been each other’s confidant for the past year, always turning to the other when everyone else was busy. She wanted to spill everything to Rose, but she didn’t know where to start.

“He’s still upset about being here.” She admitted, looking at her friend. “He’s still upset about what his family did to him.”

“Have you tried talking to him?” Rose suggested with a cock of her head.

“Yes.” Rey gave up once again on her food. “I’m able to calm him down, convince him to stay, but it’s not long before something sets him off again.”

Like his uncle or arguing about his holocron. At a loss, she ran her hands over her face. She knew Ben didn’t need a babysitter. He could take care of himself, but sometimes, she believed he needed to be calmed down every five minutes. She wished she could blame Snoke, but she knew it wasn’t even half the problem. 

“Maybe it was a mistake to force him to join us.” She admitted.

“We do need his help.” Rose offered. “You mentioned he’d taken out some of Snoke’s Knights.”

Rey sighed and leaned back in her chair. “He’s always been strong in the Force. Even at the Academy, he was the best fighter. I could sense the darkness in him, though, even back then. Luke did, too.”

“You think he’ll turn against us?” A twinge of fear coated Rose’s voice.

Rey stared at her. She wanted to deny it, to accuse her friend of treating Ben the same way his own family had. She wasn’t sure herself. Snoke still whispered to him about what she didn’t know. She’d begged Ben to let her help him. They had to find a way to force Snoke out of his mind for good before he was convinced to do something he’d regret. That they’d all regret.

“I don’t know.” She stared at her hands, afraid to see the fear in her friend’s eyes. “I hope not. I want to help him, but he…”

“Thinks he doesn’t need it.” Rose finished. “Sometimes you have to let them make mistakes before they realize they need help.”

“He’s not a child and I’m not his mother.” Rey looked at her friend. “I don’t want him to do something that’ll-”

The doors to the mess hall opened and Ben strode through. He stood by the door, his gaze roaming over the half empty room. He stood like a shadow in his black undershirt and pants. She noticed his lightsaber on his hip. An image of him igniting it and slashing through everyone in the room appeared in her mind. He turned toward her and her breath caught. His gaze held hers and his presence whispered into her mind. 

_I won’t go on a rampage._ He whispered in her mind. _I’m not unhinged._

She relaxed, but tensed again as he strode toward her. Her gaze dropped to Rose as she cocked her head to the side.

“He’s heading toward us, isn’t he?” Rose’s voice was calm, but a flicker of fear flickered in her eyes.

Rey nodded and lifted her gaze back to Ben. Butterflies took flight in her stomach as he drew near. Heat pooled in her center as memories of his kiss in the forest flared in her mind. His dark eyes blazed with knowing and she realized he was still in her mind. Her skin burned with both arousal and embarrassment. 

_Don’t be embarrassed._ He whispered in her mind. _I feel it, too._

He stood behind Rose and Rey feared she’d burst into flames under his gaze. It pulled at her like a black hole. She didn’t want to escape. His eyes darkened to black as he stared at her, waiting.

“Care to join us?” She asked, keeping her voice as aloof as possible.

“Do you want me to?” His soft voice caressed her, wrapped around her.

“I think I should leave.” Rose stood from the table.

Rey shook her head. “No. Stay.”

“I feel like I’m intruding.” Rose admitted as she picked up her tray. “Besides. I have a feeling you two need to talk. In private.”

Rey scoffed. “If I wanted privacy, I’d suggest somewhere other than the mess hall.”

“Afraid of being alone with me?” Ben asked, stepping around the table.

Rey stared up at him, into his dark as night eyes. Her heart fluttered in her chest and the butterflies rode speeder bikes. The heat from earlier turned into molten fire as her breathing quickened. She clenched her hands on her thighs, preventing them from reaching for him.

“No.” She was glad her voice was firm, unaffected by his nearness. 

_He can sense your arousal._ She reminded herself. _He’s in your damn head. He knows._

_Yes, I do._ Ben chuckled in her mind. _If it’ll help you, I’ll admit you affect me the same way. You know that. You’ve felt it. Feel it now._

Rose left the table and Ben sat. His desire, hot and intense, buffeted against her through the Bond. Her breath caught and her blood raced through her veins. She fell into his dark gaze and images of them writhing on his bed filled her mind. She didn’t know if the images were his or her own. It didn’t matter, though, for the Bond grew electrified with their combined arousal.

“Are you all right?” Rey asked, needing to fill the silence, to take her mind off her yearning for him. 

Ben averted his gaze to the table. She relaxed as his intense gaze fell on something other than her. She reached toward him, but stopped before she touched his arm. The last thing she needed was for him to fly off in a rage. He’d come to her, trusted her. She didn’t want to do anything that’d make him bolt. She held her breath, waiting.

He looked up, his gaze taking in the mess hall. She followed his gaze, noticing some stared at them. Finn and Poe sat on the other side of the room. She caught their gazes and shook her head. The last thing she needed was for them to come over here. After Ben’s display of power with the saber, they hadn’t trusted him. 

“What do the texts say about mental barriers?” Ben turned his attention back to her.

Rey blinked at him, but the butterflies grew larger in her stomach. Had he finally decided to let her help him? Had he finally admitted the Jedi might offer more than the Sith? She smiled at him, but he narrowed his eyes. 

“We can find out now if you want.” She offered. “I’m not scheduled to do anything at the moment.”

“Good.” He pushed from the table and stood. “Let’s go.”

Rey bit her lip to keep from laughing. If he was in a hurry, then something happened since she and Leia had left him. A knot formed in her stomach, overwhelming the butterflies. 

“Snoke spoke to you again?” She stood from the table.

Ben nodded, but said nothing else. Whatever the Supreme Leader had said must’ve shaken Ben. Terrible enough to force him to consider the texts.

“They’re in my room.” Rey’s face burned at the notion she’d be alone with him in her room. 

Not wanting him to see how he affected her, she headed for the doors. From the corner of her eye, Finn and Poe continued to watch her. Ben’s footsteps thundered behind her. Finn stood, but Poe grabbed his arm, stopping him. She stepped into the hall and turned to face Ben, who burst through a second later.

“In a hurry to get me alone?” Ben drew closer, his dark eyes blazing with excitement.

“I want to get there before you change your mind.” She remarked and continued down the hall to her room. 

It was the truth, but not all of it. She wanted to get him alone, to get away from prying eyes. Finn and Poe wouldn’t understand, didn’t trust Ben not to repeat the incident with the saber. If Poe hadn’t stopped him, she knew Finn would’ve confronted Ben. Whatever Finn thought to say or do wouldn’t have ended well for anyone. 

She stepped into her room, a near replica of Ben’s. Instead of a desk, a small dresser stood in a corner of the room. She strode over to it and opened a drawer. Feeling Ben’s eyes upon her, she pulled out a stack of books. She looked at him and his gaze lowered to the texts. Unease, animosity, and anger rippled through their Bond. 

“They won’t bite.” Rey remarked, hoping to put some humor in the situation.

He glared at her, but said nothing. Sighing, she headed to her bed and sat down. Her stomach twisted in a knot at his unease. Was he having second thoughts? Would he go back to the holocron? 

_I hope there’s something in here that’ll give him the answers he needs._


	18. Chapter 18

Ben sat on the floor, back pressed against Rey’s bed, a Jedi text in his hands. After an hour spent translating the passages, his head pounded. In an hour, he’d translated only a few pages. Closing his eyes, he rubbed his temples. It’d been so long since he’d read anything in this old language. He was rusty. It used to take him less time and didn’t leave him with such a headache. 

_If I have to do this for another hour, I’ll lose my damn mind._ He growled. 

“I could get Luke’s help to translate the rest.” Rey offered with a note of caution in her voice. “He did offer to help. I wonder if he found anything in the text he has?”

“No.” Ben kept his eyes on the words in front of him. “I can do this. It’s just been a while.”

“Is there anything useful in what you’ve read so far?” She asked from her position on the bed.

Sighing, Ben turned the page. “Nothing, so far. Unless you want to know about the history of the Jedi.”

“Maybe later.” Humor tinted Rey’s voice. 

“Anything from your end?” He kept his eyes on the book, the headache growing. 

He knew if he looked at her, he’d lose focus. As much as he’d rather do anything else, he’d promised to let her help him. She was the reason he opted to stay, agreeing to her ridiculous idea of searching the texts. 

“Building lightsabers and fighting forms.” She answered, the turn of a crisp page punctuating her words. 

Closing his eyes, he slammed the book closed. “I need a break.”

Rey laughed, finally bringing his attention to her. She sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed. Her dark hair flowed over her shoulders and her hazel eyes danced with mirth. When he was with her, he felt as if six years hadn’t passed since he’d fled the Academy. They were two Force-users reading ancient texts, searching for knowledge. 

She looked at him and he caught her gaze, holding it. Her laughter faded, but it echoed in his ears. 

“I’m actually hungry.” She closed her book and slid off the bed. “Shall we head for the mess hall?”

Ben stared at the door. He didn’t have any interest in stepping into that room. He could run into his father or uncle. Worse, he could run into her friends who still seemed to believe he was a threat to the entire Resistance.

“Can we have the meal sent to us?” He asked, hope in his voice.

Rey placed a hand on his shoulder, bringing his attention to her. “You can’t ignore your family forever, Ben.”

Gritting his teeth, he glared at the door. She was right, but it didn’t mean he agreed. He ran a hand over his face, indecision warring with his anger.

“You’ll have to face them sometime.” She continued. “Either today or in the future.”

He shook his head. “I already faced them. I don’t have to talk to them any further.”

Rey sighed and sat next to him. Taking his hand in hers, she pulled it toward her. Tingles rippled through him at the touch. He looked at their clasped hands, then at her. She offered him a slight smile as she squeezed his hand.

“Remember how we comforted each other?” She asked, her thumb stroking the back of his hand. 

His heart thudded in his chest. His gaze fell to their clasped hands again and his breathing quickened. He remembered all too well.

“Yes.” Ben whispered as the tingles ignited into sparks. “You were the only person who cared, who understood.”

“I still am.” She reminded him. “I know your family hurt you, but you can’t lock yourself away in an attempt to avoid them.”

He shook his head. “It’s either avoid them or get into a fight. You already witnessed one between my father and I. I told you about my fight with my uncle.”

“You can’t let them get to you.” She ran her fingers through his hair. Was she trying to get him aroused or did she even know what her touching did to him? 

He stared into her eyes. The unease at meeting any member of his family melted away. He wanted to drift in her eyes, float in them. Nothing else mattered in this moment, but her. He placed his hand on her face and she inhaled a breath. She licked her lips as if she sensed what he was about to do. He didn’t hesitate. He pulled her toward him and placed a tender kiss on her lips. A jolt surged through him, bringing a low moan from him. 

His hand traveled up her face and into her hair. His left arm wrapped around her, bringing her closer to him. Her fingers buried themselves in his hair. The impulse to pull her closer to him, to merge with her, welled within him. She flicked her tongue against his lips, propelling another wave of electric desire through him. He opened and their tongues dueled. 

Without breaking contact, Ben lay on his back. Her hips rested against his, pressed against the growing bulge in his pants. She gasped and another surge of desire rushed straight to it. His brain spun while fire licked at his insides. 

Rey pulled away and stared down at him. Her eyes were dark and her arousal mixed with his through the Bond. He cupped her face as he fought to bring his fuzzy brain into focus. 

“Rey.” He whispered, running his hands through her silky hair. 

“We have to stop.” Her voice was husky, breathless. 

He blinked at her, his mind sluggish. “What?”

She shook her head and climbed off him. She sat on the bed as he pushed himself into a sitting position. Her words finally registered and he narrowed his eyes. 

“You seemed to enjoy kissing me before.” At a loss for the change in her demeanor, he ran a hand through his hair. 

Rey ran her hands over her face and sighed. “I’m not ready to go that far with you.”

He blinked at her again. “Is this about the Jedi not allowing attachments?”

“No.” She sighed, then slid off the bed and sat in front of him. She took his hands in hers and held his gaze. “We just found each other again after six years. You’ve changed so much, I barely know you. I want to get to know you again before we go any further.”

Ben stared at her. He’d sensed her need for him, heard it in her voice. He also sensed fear. She had nothing to fear from him, but he realized he wasn’t the cause. She still remembered him as a friend and confidant. It was only now that either of them saw the other differently, in a more intimate way. He squeezed her hands and brought them to his chest. 

“This is all new to me, too.” He kept his voice soft. “I’ve lived alone for six years. I still remember you as a little girl, so I understand your reluctance.”

Her cheeks turned pink and she averted her gaze. He cupped her face, bringing her attention back to him. Longing burned in her eyes, causing flames to ignite again within him. 

“But you’re seeing me as I am now.” She smiled, sending heat pouring straight to his groin. 

“More than you know.”

The door slid open and Rey leaped away from him. His heart clinched at her sudden reaction to the door opening. Did she not want anyone to know how she felt about him? Was he being in her room a taboo? He turned the pain of her rejection into anger and glared at the intruder. 

Finn stepped into the room and froze. He looked from Ben to Rey as she sat on the bed. Narrowing his eyes at Ben, he took another step into the room.

“Knocking is forbidden?” Rey asked as she folded her arms against her chest.

His gaze dropped to the books scattered over the floor, then back at Rey. He relaxed as if studying Jedi texts was a harmless activity. 

“You forgot about our lunch date and I-”

“Lunch date?” Ben growled as he turned his glare to Rey. Was that why she wanted him to go to the mess hall with her instead of taking lunch in here?

Rey sighed. “We were studying the texts and I lost track of time.”

Ben narrowed his eyes and stood. It appeared there was another reason she didn’t want to take things further. It hadn’t even crossed his mind during the moment until she brought it up. Anger at her rejection and the sting of jealousy demanded he tell Finn exactly what they were doing before he barged in. He clenched his fists at his side, the words on the tip of his tongue. He didn’t want to hurt Rey, didn’t want her to lose her friend.

Without a word, he headed for the door. His heart sank with each step he took. Why didn’t she tell him she was seeing someone else? If she was seeing Finn, why did she kiss him? It made little sense.

“Ben.” Rey’s voice halted him at the door.

_Don’t look back._ He warned himself. _You look back and you won’t leave this room._

Her presence drew closer to him and his heart pounded in his chest. Sparks danced along his skin at her nearness. His fingers itched to touch her. His breathing quickened and he closed his eyes. Would he always react to her this way? Would he ever stop? They had a Bond, could sense each other’s feelings, hear each other’s thoughts. Could she sense the turmoil within him now? Was that why she stopped him from leaving? 

_It’s just lunch, Ben._ She whispered in his mind. _We eat together every day. You’re welcome to join us._

_Why?_ He replied without looking at her. _He hates me. Poe hates me._

She placed a hand on his back and he looked at her then. Concern darkened her eyes and he wanted to embrace her. Wrap her up and never let her go. He reached for her, but stopped himself. They had an audience. One that wouldn’t hesitate to attack him if he so much as twitched. 

“Why don’t you join us?” She asked, imploring him with her eyes.

He looked at Finn, who folded his arms against his chest. The other man stared at him, suspicion radiating off him. Ben turned his attention back to Rey. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He stepped away from her and left the room. 

****

The scent of rain-cleaned air wafted to his nose as Ben stepped out of Maz’s castle. He marched across the clearing toward the _Falcon_ , his mind focused on retrieving the holocron he’d stashed away inside. A brief thought of stealing the ship and heading back to Nithian flashed in his mind. He quickly pushed it away, though. Like last time, his mother would just send someone to drag him back. He was stuck here. 

_You can always come to me._ Snoke whispered in his head. _They won’t drag you back from me._

_I told you, no._ He growled as he marched up the _Falcon’s_ ramp.

_I can offer you freedom from them._ Snoke continued, his voice soothing. _I can bring you power you never dreamed of. I can tell you more about your grandfather. Your legacy._

Ben stalked through the corridors of the ship. He wanted to know of his heritage. His mother had refused to tell him anything about his grandfather. His uncle only mentioned he’d been a Jedi. Snoke had been the one to tell him his grandfather was Darth Vader; a powerful dark warrior, someone who wanted to unite the galaxy. To have someone he wasn’t related to tell him anything about his grandfather angered him. His family should’ve told him, should’ve been straight with him. To realize they feared him because of his grandfather caused a rift between them. One they obviously wanted to fix. 

He entered the room that used to be his when he was a boy and headed for a corner of the room. He popped open a small panel in the floor. Holding out his hand, he called the holocron to him. It flew out of the hole, slapping into his hand. 

_He used to be a Jedi?_ Ben stared at the softly glowing red holocron. 

_Yes._ Snoke answered. _But he realized the Jedi would never bring peace to the galaxy. They hid in their temple on Coruscant while the galaxy was amassed in a war. The dark side was where true power lay and he knew it could bring the peace the galaxy needed. He was powerful with it as if he, like you, were born in the darkness. You can finish what he started. You can bring peace and order. Join me and this galaxy will know peace._

“Did you smuggle something onto my ship?” Han’s humor-laced voice shocked him out of his conversation with Snoke. 

Placing the holocron behind his back, Ben spun around to face his father. His heart sped as his father stepped further into the room. He didn’t want to talk to his father. Images of the last time they spoke played in his head. He didn’t want a repeat performance, so he stepped around his father.

Han grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop. “What is that?”

Ben wrenched his arm from his father’s grip. “It doesn’t concern you.”

Spinning on his heel, he marched toward the door. Chewie stood in the hallway and ice formed in his stomach. He looked back at his father as Han stood in the doorway. The Wookie cocked his head to the side and mewled. His grip on the holocron tightened as he took a step back. His fingers flexed near his lightsaber and the Wookie growled. 

“Easy.” Han stepped into the hallway. “No one is going to hurt you.”

Ben looked from his father to Chewie and back again. He knew they didn’t want to hurt him, but preventing him from leaving the ship sparked his ire. He narrowed his eyes.

“I only came here to retrieve this.” He held up the holocron. “Let me leave. Now.”

Han stared at the pyramid and his eyes widened. “That’s what Leia was going on about you having?”

“It’s a holocron.” Ben turned it over in his hand. The symbols glowed and the urge to open it in front of his father swelled within him.

“She doesn’t want you to have it.” Han’s voice pleaded with him. “It’s dangerous.”

He glared at his father. “I’ve opened it several times and nothing terrible has happened. They’re afraid of it because it’s not of the Jedi.”

Han sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “All right. I won’t argue with you. I know this Force business is a touchy subject with you. I still don’t understand it, but I know the difference between the dark side and the light. I’ve met your grandfather.”

“You really think you know the difference?” Ben growled as he lowered the holocron. “You really believe I’m like Vader?”

Shaking his head, Han took a step toward him. “You’re nothing like him, Ben. You haven’t let the dark side take over you.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “What makes you say that?”

Han smirked. “You’re here.”

“Not by choice.” He stepped around his father.

Chewie stepped out of his way, much to his relief. The Wookie growled to him, his voice soft and sad. Ben stared up at him, into the gentle eyes that used to look upon him with such tenderness when he was younger. His heart clenched and tears stung his eyes. Biting his inner cheek, he turned and continued down the corridor. Both his father and Snoke were right. He wasn’t completely committed to the dark side. Soft words from a Wookie had him in tears. It wasn’t the only incident, though. His heart longed for Rey, he still yearned for his mother’s approval. His own heart held him back, kept him from completely committing to the dark side. 

Marching down the ramp, he looked at the holocron. It had mentioned it could help him learn more about the dark side. He’d been arrogant when he commented on how he welded the power. Now, he knew how wrong he’d been. He knew the history, could weld it with frightening power, but was it enough? 

_I’ll find out._ Ben picked up his pace as he headed back toward Maz’s castle. 

The rumble of voices greeted him when he stepped into the castle. He’d paid no attention to the patrons on his way, but now he sensed he should. He stood in the doorway, his gaze roaming over the people. Laughter drew his attention to a group of aliens at the bar, but he detected nothing nefarious from them. 

A heaviness drifted toward him, bringing his attention to two dark clothed individuals sitting at a table in a corner of the room. His stomach twisted into a knot as the fingers of his right hand flexed near his saber.

“Trouble?” His father asked behind him.

“Yes.” Ben answered as he meandered around the scattered tables.

A wave of darkness drifted toward him and he flicked a glance at the two. On instinct, he pushed back with his own darkness. He didn’t stop, but he didn’t pick up his pace. They wouldn’t attack him, even if there weren’t anyone here. He’d killed their comrades and he’d kill them if they attacked. 

“Do you know them?” His father asked, unease radiated off him and in his voice.

“They belong to Snoke.” Ben growled as they entered the back of the castle. “They're all who’s left of the Knights of Ren.”

“They’ll tell him where you are.” Han warned.

Ben stopped and faced his father. “What do you suggest I do? I’m already hiding.”

Sighing, Han ran a hand over his face. There really wasn’t anything he could do. Other than killing the two Knights. If he did that, Snoke would find out. Either through his mind or realizing they hadn’t checked in. 

“We can’t let them near you.” Han put in.

“I’m not planning on it.” Ben bit out through gritted teeth.

Han nodded. “Good. Let’s get downstairs before they decide to come after you.”

Shaking his head, he followed his father deeper into the castle. More than ever before, he wished he was back on Nithian.

He didn’t hear footsteps behind him and he chanced a look. The two Knights hadn’t followed them into the corridors of the building. Either they didn’t want to take him on or they planned to wait for him. It angered him even more to know the two would still be there the next time he decided to leave the base. Running a hand through his hair, he picked up his pace. 

If his father told his mother about the two Knights, he knew she would demand he stay in the base. She feared for his safety, but he could handle himself. He’d proven that repeatedly with these Knights. 

_I won’t lock myself underground. I refuse to be a prisoner._

Ben stared at the holocron in his hand. It whispered to him, begging him to open it. His fingers flexed around it as his darkness swirled within him. If he could procure himself a ship, would the Knights follow him to Korriban? He knew Rey wouldn’t, his family wouldn’t. Even if the Knights did, they wouldn’t survive. He’d kill them the moment they made themselves known. 

_Maybe I should kill them now._ The doors to the base opened. He stepped around his father and marched toward his quarters.

“Ben!” His father shouted after him. “Your mother needs to know about the Knights.”

“Then you tell her!” He snapped without stopping. 

He marched down the corridor, hoping he didn’t run into anyone else. Footsteps didn’t follow him and he relaxed a bit. He drew in a deep breath as he slowed his pace. Maybe he’d be allowed to be by himself for a moment or two before his mother demanded he shelter in the base. 

_Maybe I should take care of those Knights._ He stopped in the middle of the corridor. If he killed the two, wouldn’t Snoke send someone else? Would it even matter? For as long as the man been in his head, he hadn’t tried to compel him to join him. Was it possible he couldn’t? Did he think coaxing would work better? 

Shaking his head, he continued down the hall. No matter what happened, he’d kill them soon enough. 

Ben turned a corner and spotted his uncle standing outside his room. His stomach sank to his feet and he halted. His right hand hovered near his saber as he narrowed his eyes at Luke.

“What are you doing here?” He growled, not taking a step toward his uncle.

Luke turned to face him. “I need to talk to you about the Jedi texts.”

His gaze dropped to the holocron, then back to him. “You still have it.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “What about the texts?” 

Sighing, Luke dragged his gaze to him. He ran his hand through his hair and looked around the corridor. He then took a step toward him. Ben backed up, his hand going to his saber. Luke stopped and sighed again.

“I won’t shout across the hall. Let’s step inside.” He motioned toward the door to his room. “Please, Ben.”

Ben stayed where he was. A chill raced up his spine. Once inside his room, away from witnesses, anything could happen. His uncle could attack him and no one would be the wiser. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” Frustration and sorrow coated Luke’s voice. “Rey asked me to help with the texts and I want to tell you what I found.”

“Where’s Rey?” Ben growled. “Why isn’t she here?”

“I called her before heading here.” Luke answered with a roll of his eyes. “She’ll be here.”

Still not trusting his uncle, Ben closed his eyes and reached out to Rey through the Bond. He brushed against her mind and the door swung open.

_Ben. What is it?_

_Luke is at my door._ Ben answered, glaring at his uncle. _He says he has some information for me about the texts._

_You don’t trust him._ Rey sighed. _I’m already on my way. He told me he was going to talk to us about what he found in the texts._

_I’ll see you here then._ He closed the Bond and took a step toward his uncle.

“Feel better?” Luke folded his arms against his chest and raised an eyebrow. 

“No.” Ben growled as he unlocked his door. “I don’t trust you. I’ll never trust you.”


	19. Chapter 19

Ben stepped into his room and was reminded once again how small it was. He turned to glare at his uncle as Luke looked around the space. With Rey joining them later, it would be more than cramped. 

As if sensing his unease, Luke looked at him. “Maybe we should take this somewhere with a bit more room.”

“Fine.” Ben growled as he stepped toward the desk and opened a drawer. He placed the holocron inside and shut the drawer.

The door to the room slid open and he turned as Rey stepped into the room. Her gaze flicked between him and his uncle. He stayed near the desk as he folded his arms against his chest.

“We’re thinking about going somewhere with more room.” Luke mentioned. “It’s cramped here.”

“The training room?” Rey suggested as she kept her gaze on Ben. 

“Good idea.” Luke agreed.

Rey nodded and left the room. Ben stared at the door, debating whether to follow her or wait until his uncle left. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he shifted his gaze to his uncle. Luke motioned for him to follow Rey, but something in the man’s gaze caused him to pause. He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. 

“You first.” He nodded toward the door.

_You’re not taking my holocron._ He leaned back against the desk. 

Luke sighed. “Ben, the holocron needs to be destroyed.”

“No.” Ben growled as his hand hovered near his saber. “You’re not my master anymore, Uncle. You don’t have a say in what I do.”

Luke stared at him with sadness in his eyes. “No, I don’t, but you’re still my nephew and I don’t want to see that thing destroy you.”

“You have so little confidence in me?” ben scoffed. “You really believe I’m that weak?”

“No, Ben.” Luke took a step toward him and Ben unhooked his saber. He didn’t ignite it, but he kept his thumb near the switch. Luke rubbed his forehead. 

“I know you’re powerful with the Force.” His uncle continued. “I just don’t want to see the darkness overcome you.”

“The dark side isn’t what you believe it to be, uncle.” Ben growled, placing his saber back on his belt. “You allowed your fears to blind you to what it really is.”

Luke shook his head. “I know what it is. What it does. It’s you who is blind.”

Ben glared at his uncle, his darkness swelling. It whispered to him to show his uncle what the dark side was all about. His fingers flexed, but he didn’t move. His uncle didn’t want to know the truth, didn’t care to know. He didn’t know how to reach his uncle. How to show him it wasn’t the evil the Jedi had made it out to be. 

“I’m not blind.” He headed for the door. “It’s part of the Force. A part you’re afraid of. A part others have lied about for centuries.”

The door slid open, revealing Rey standing in the hallway. She looked at him, then at his uncle. Concern flowed from her, through their Bond. She took a step toward him, her gaze wandering over him. 

“I’m fine.” He glared at his uncle, making sure he didn’t head for the desk. “Just arguing about the dark side again.”

Rey sighed and took his hand in hers. “You won’t change his mind, Ben. Let it go.”

Luke stepped into the corridor. “I know the Force has been seeking balance ever since the first Force users split. There was even a prophecy with the Jedi about someone bringing that balance.”

“It didn’t happen, did it?”

Luke sighed. “The Jedi had sought to eradicate the dark side for centuries. They believe that’s what balance meant. The Sith thought to do the same.”

Ben scoffed. “They forgot what the word balance means.”

He turned on his heel and headed down the corridor. The whispers of the holocron lessened the further from his room he got. Footsteps followed him, but he stayed in his thoughts. How could one believe eradicating one part of the Force equalled balance? It made little sense. Maybe they didn’t understand the Force as much as they thought they did. 

The doors to the training room slid open, revealing an empty space. It wasn’t as big as the training room on his mother’s ship, but it was larger than his quarters. He followed his uncle and Rey inside. His footsteps were muffled by the cushioned carpeting on the floor. A row of mirrors lined one wall. Another wall held shelves of blasters of various sizes. Racks full of wooden weapons sat in corners of the room. 

“What did you find?” Rey asked as the three stood in the middle of the room.

Luke folded his arms against his chest as he looked from her to him. His face revealed nothing of what he felt and neither did his eyes. Ben felt the urge to go into the man’s mind, but refrained. The old Jedi would shove him out before he even began searching.

“When Rey told me Snoke communicated with you, I was concerned. My first thought was that he might know where we are through you.” Luke sighed. “Then I realized that he would have already captured you if your communication worked that way.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. A twinge of unease sparked through him. Did a similar thought to the one he had all those years ago flitter through his uncle’s mind? Again, the impulse to push into his uncle’s mind welled within him. He needed to learn if Luke still thought to kill him. Shaking his head, he forced the urge down. 

“I’ve tried to keep him out, but he gets around my barriers.”

Luke nodded and motioned for the two to sit. “We can strengthen those barriers.”

“How?” Folding his arms against his chest, he glared at his uncle.

“There’s a technique in the texts. It requires a lot of meditation, but it should strengthen your barriers.”

“No.” Ben shook his head and climbed to his feet. “I’m not using anything found in those texts.”

“You agreed to look into them, Ben.” Luke stood up.

“I agreed to the information.” He snarled. “I didn’t agree to train as a Jedi. I’m not going through that again.”

“Ben.” Rey’s voice drew his attention to her. “At least try. What could it hurt?”

“Everything.” He growled. 

Memories of waiting for his parents to visit him flashed through his mind. The first month of being at his uncle’s academy had been lonely, full of longing. He’d hoped his parents would visit him even after he despised them for pushing him away. They’d never showed and it was the first lesson of the Jedi he’d learned. No attachments. Even his uncle refused to acknowledge him as his nephew. 

Finding Rey had been the only bright spot of his entire time there. He’d gone against the Jedi’s own code and became her closest friend. It was his first act of rebellion against his Jedi uncle and he hadn’t regretted it. 

“You’re being childish, Ben.” Luke rubbed his forehead. “It’s just meditation.”

“It’s not childish when I don’t want to be tricked into using the Lightside.”

Luke’s lips formed a thin line. Ben narrowed his eyes and an icy ball of ice formed in his stomach. He took a step back from his uncle and unhooked his saber. Had Luke really discovered a way to strengthen his barriers or was it a ploy to get him to use some technique that’d make him touch the Lightside of the Force? Was he really here to be forced back toward the Light? 

“That’s what this is, isn’t it?” Ben stepped into a fighting stance. “You learned a way to force darksiders back to the Light?”

Luke averted his gaze and sighed. “The texts were unclear on that.”

“Is there a technique to strengthen my barriers or not?” He shouted, igniting his saber. 

“Ben.” Rey placed a hand on his arm, but he didn’t look at her.

“There is.” His uncle looked at him, his eyes pleading with him. For what, Ben didn’t know.

“Is there meditation?” Ben didn’t doubt it. The Jedi thrived on meditation. He didn’t have the patience for it, but if it helped, he’d sit as long as it took.

“Yes, but not as much.” Luke folded his arms against his chest. “We’ll be testing your barriers, testing their strength. We’ll learn how to fortify them.”

Ben deactivated his saber and placed it on his belt. Holding his gaze with his uncle, he struggled with the instinct to enter the older man’s mind. He wanted to be sure this wasn’t some ploy to get him to let his guard down. He didn’t doubt his uncle had something up his sleeve. Knowing his uncle could force him out easily, he didn’t try. Shaking his head, he turned from them both. 

“You can’t fault me for trying.” Luke admitted.

He glared at his uncle. “And you wonder why I don’t trust you.”

“Enough, Ben.” Rey grabbed his arm, her voice steel. 

He stared into her forest green eyes. A sense of calm washed over him and for a moment, he wondered if she was doing it. Images of kissing her flashed in his mind. His blood rushed through his veins at a rapid pace. His gaze dropped to her lips and his breathing increased. He wished his uncle weren’t here as his fingers itched to bring her closer to him. 

Luke cleared his throat. Ben jolted away from Rey as if shocked. Pink coated her cheeks, but she didn’t look away from him. 

“We can start tomorrow.” Luke placed his hands behind his back. “I also wanted to mention, I found something of interest concerning your Force Bond.”

Ben stared at his uncle. After Luke’s little trick, could he trust anything his uncle found now? A part of him wanted to refuse to hear anything. The other, the part that always wanted to learn, begged him to listen. His curiosity getting the better of him, he folded his arms against his chest. He nodded for his uncle to continue.

“There isn’t much in the texts about Force Bonds.” Luke paced in front of them. “I did some research of my own and came across an interesting tale.”

Ben narrowed his eyes. What research? Were there more texts he hadn’t shared with Rey? Did his uncle have access to some database no one knew about? He glared at his uncle. Always keeping things from him. Always trying to trick him. What else was his uncle hiding? 

“What tale?” Rey asked, cocking her head to the side. 

Luke motioned for the two to sit. “It’s a long one, but I think it explains how and why yours was formed.”

Grumbling, Ben sat on the floor. The one thing the holocron didn’t tell him was why this Bond was formed. It told him what it was and how to use it. Course, if it had that information, he hadn’t gotten to it. He kept getting interrupted. It was almost as if everyone knew when he used it and deemed to stop him. He shook his head at the thought. No one knew when he used it. It was a coincidence. 

Luke sat across from them, his hands on his knees. He looked from him to Rey and back. His blue eyes seemed to glow with excitement. Ben narrowed his eyes. That didn’t bode well. If Luke was excited, it meant it wouldn’t be good news for him. 

“Thousands of years ago, a bond similar to yours formed between two Force users.” Luke’s voice took on his Jedi Master teacher tone. “A Sith Lord’s and Jedi’s minds were linked. The two eventually fell in love. With that love, the Sith Lord returned to the Light.”

A chill washed over Ben. “You’re saying the Bond turned the Sith Lord?”

Luke smiled at him. “No. It was his love for the Jedi that turned him. The Bond just made it possible.”

Ben stared at Rey, who didn’t look at him. Her skin flushed, though and she bit her lower lip. The chill formed a ball of ice in his stomach. Was she thinking of using the Bond and his feelings for her to turn him? Seething with anger and betrayal, he forced himself to his feet.

“Ben.” Luke held out his hand. “Sit down. I need to tell you more before you think she’ll betray you with the Bond.”

Rey stared at him, fear in her eyes. “I’m not thinking about using this Bond against you.”

“Then why didn’t you look at me?” He growled, taking a step toward her. “Why do I sense guilt from you?”

“Because I wondered.” Her eyes implored him to understand. “I wondered if the Bond could be used to turn you.”

His fingers curled into his palms. She had thought about it, had thought to use what he felt for her against him. To use this Bond in such a way. The ice ball grew and he took a deep breath to calm himself. She said she thought about it. She didn’t say she would do it. 

“You changed your mind?” He asked, wincing at the hope in his voice. 

Rey looked at her hands. “People have forced you to be what they wanted you to be. I don’t want to do that to you. I want you to decide for yourself.”

She looked at him then, her eyes dark with hope and desire. His heart leaped at the sight and hope surged through him. She wanted him for himself. She wanted him to decide what he wanted without persuasion. For the first time in his life, someone wanted him to choose for himself. It was a powerful feeling, taking his breath away. Drawing in a deep breath, he sat back down.

Luke cleared his throat. “The Bond can’t be used that way to begin with, Ben.”

Ben glared at his uncle, but said nothing. A sense of relief washed over him, though. They couldn’t influence each other through the Bond, which was fine with him. He needed to know Rey’s feelings were real and not fabricated to persuade him. 

“You said the Bond helped the Sith Lord fall in love?” Uncertainty coated his voice.

Luke nodded. “The Bond strengthened their emotions. I’m sure you’ve experienced the intensity of each other’s?”

The blush in Rey’s face spread. “I thought that was how his emotions always were.”

“With the Force, you feel another’s emotions as they feel them. With the Bond, his emotions can feel as if they are your own and vice versa.”

“We can communicate with it.” Rey put in. “We can even see each other if one of us is somewhere else.”

Luke looked from her to him. Ben said nothing. Instead, he folded his arms against his chest and leveled a glare at his uncle. Did Luke know about that part of the Bond? Obviously not. Keeping them away from each other wouldn’t have mattered. Had Ben known about the Bond and how to use it at the Academy, he would’ve used it. It would’ve helped relieve the guilt Rey felt with sneaking around behind Luke’s back.

“Then your Bond is even stronger that I originally believed.” Luke’s eyes narrowed. 

Luke sighed and placed his hands behind his back. He paced in front of them. Ben watched him, suspicion welling inside him. Would he demand they not use it? Would he demand he train them to use it as a weapon? Could their Bond even be used like that? He didn’t want to know. It brought him closer to Rey. Let him feel something he thought was lost to him. It was a gift as far as he was concerned. He didn’t want to defile it in such a way.

A part of him wanted to mention the holocron had told him he might even touch her across a galaxy. He opened his mouth, then closed it. Narrowing his eyes, he stared at the floor. Luke would demand him not to use the holocron again. Would admonish him once again for even having it. It was his and he would continue to use it as long as it offered to teach him. If he had to continue to hide from his family and Rey, he would. It had demanded nothing from him, didn’t force him to adhere to some ancient philosophy. It was as good as any book and even talked to him as someone who wanted to learn. Not someone who was obligated to learn. 

“Our Bond is stronger than the one a thousand years ago?” Rey asked, her voice full of awe.

Luke shrugged. “Like I said, there isn’t much about your type of Force Bond. The story I told you is from a book that claims it is mostly legend.”

Ben glared at his uncle. “So you really don’t know at all.”

“Even legends have a kernel of truth.” Luke smiled at him.

Ben narrowed his eyes. The holocron said the same thing after it told him a similar story. Course, it hadn’t mentioned the bond had been between a Sith Lord and a Jedi. Shaking his head, he climbed to his feet. He’d had enough of his uncle for one day. He was surprised he’d lasted this long without wanting to kill him. It’d be best not to push it. 

“The Bond will get stronger.” Luke called after him.

Ben stopped at the door and looked at his uncle over his shoulder. Revan had already told him it’d get stronger. Strong enough to touch each other. His hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“And?” He growled as he turned completely around.

Luke strode toward him and Ben tensed. “You need to learn how to control it.”

“Not from you.” Ben sneered. 

Luke sighed and rubbed his fingers against his forehead. “If you won’t let me teach you-”

“We can teach each other.” Rey put in, strolling toward them. “The more we use it, the better we can learn to control it.”

Luke looked from Rey to him. He could almost hear his uncle’s mind turning. Ben narrowed his eyes, but turned his gaze to Rey. Excitement bubbled through her and he couldn’t help but smile. His own excitement bubbled and butterflies danced in his stomach. 

“All right.” Luke folded his arms against his chest. “I’ll let you experiment with the Bond. Tests its limits and your own.”

Eager to leave the room, Ben spun on his heel. On his way out, he heard his uncle’s voice.

“Rey, I want you to report any progress to me.”

The door slid shut on Rey’s reply. He glared at the door as his mind filled with what his uncle meant. Did Luke want a report on how the experiments were going? Did his uncle want a report on turning him to the Light? Anger burned through him as the thoughts chased themselves around in his head. He didn’t want to think about Luke trying to turn Rey against him. She’d said wouldn’t force him to be something he didn’t want to be. She wanted him to decide for himself what he wanted. 

_Stop it._ He scolded himself as he marched down the hallway to his quarters. _She wouldn’t betray me._

_She might not see it as a betrayal._ A darker part of himself replied. _She might believe she's saving you._

He pushed the thought away. He trusted Rey to keep her word not to influence him. To have her or anyone in his corner after years of others believing the worst of him comforted him. He wanted to believe in her as much as she believed him in. A part of him cautioned him not to, but he couldn’t help it. The feeling was intoxicating. 

Taking a deep breath, he stepped into his quarters. He ran a hand through his hair and gazed around the small room. The pull of the holocron drew his attention to the desk in the corner of the room. He stepped toward it and opened the drawer, revealing the pyramid. The voice whispered louder in his head as he picked up the holocron.

“Ben.” Rey’s voice drew his attention away from the holocron.

Rey stood in the middle of the room. He hadn’t heard his door open nor had he seen movement from the corner of his eye. This was the Bond. His heart skipped a beat at seeing her and he placed the holocron on the desk. He tried to see behind her, but all he saw was his bed. The hairs on his arms stood on end as she stepped closer to her. 

“Where are you?” He asked, his fingers itching to touch her. 

“You can’t see where I am?” She furrowed her brow. “I’m still in the training room.”

Ben shook his head. “I guess that’s the first limit.”

“We can strengthen the Bond, Ben.” She offered. “I have a feeling the more we use it, the stronger it’ll become.”

“Where do you want to start?” He asked as he circled her. The instinct to touch her grew with each step. Could he touch her? Could she sense his urge through the Bond?

The door opened and his mother stepped into the room. He looked at Rey, but she wasn’t there. He ran a hand over his face and gritted his teeth. Maybe they should work on lengthening the connection. With a growl, he sat on his bed and leaned back against the wall.

“Something you need?” He stared at her through his lashes.

“Han told me about running into the Knights of Ren upstairs.” Leia strode toward him, unease coursing from her.

“They didn’t attack.” He folded his arms against his chest. 

Leia narrowed her eyes. “They might have told Snoke that you’re here.”

Ben sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I’m underground. I doubt they’ll be able to even make it down here. Or get very far if they do. I can also take care of myself.”

“You don’t understand.” Leia stood in front of him. “It won’t be just the Knights of Ren. Snoke will send troops to destroy this base and anyone else in the way.”

He stared at her as her words sank in. Snoke wasn’t just after him, he wanted to destroy the Resistance and all it stood for. He was just a bonus, another trophy. Ben narrowed his eyes.

“I’m in this damn war whether or not I want it.” He growled. “I’m a damn pawn for both of you to use against the other.”

“Ben.” Leia reached for him, her eyes pleading.

Ben slapped her hand away and pushed from the bed. Shoving his hands into his hair, he paced the short distance to the other side of the room. He glared at the holocron. It whispered to him and his fingers flexed to pick it up. 

“You’re not a pawn, Ben.” Leia’s voice was firm, but sadness and worry flowed from her. “I don’t know how to convince you I need your help. That I want to protect you from Snoke.”

He glared at her. She had told him that since they’d kidnapped him. He didn’t know if he believed her. Should he believe her? 

“We need to prepare for the coming attack.” Her voice held steel now. 

He narrowed his eyes. “You want me to hide.”

Shaking her head, she took a step toward him. “Even if I suggested it, I know you won’t.”

“Good.” He turned his attention back to the holocron. “When do you think the First Order will get here?”

“We don’t know.” His mother sighed. “It could be hours or days. It all depends on if the Knights waited to tell Snoke or not.”

“Are you evacuating?” He turned to face her. 

Leia nodded. “I’ve started sending small groups to the _Corsair_. They are to leave orbit once everyone is on board.”

“How many people are you ordering to stay?” He paced.

“Very few. Even Maz’s castle is being evacuated. Hopefully, there’ll be few casualties.”

Ben continued to pace. His fingers clenched and unclenched. He could use this attack to escape and head back to Nithian. In the chaos of battle no one would see him, would even notice him. He could be in hyperspace before anyone even noticed him missing. Looking at his mother, his heart constricted. She stared back at him, her eyes imploring him. Hope radiated from her. Even after everything she’d done to him, he knew he couldn’t leave her. Not in this moment. 

“You really think a few people will be able to fight these troopers?”

Leia sighed. “To keep them busy enough for the rest to get away. I’m also calling in some other ships in the area to help. Hopefully, they’ll be here before the First Order.”

Ben shook his head. Running his hand through his hair, he resumed pacing. His darkness swelled at the prospect of a battle. It coursed through him, whispered to show everyone around him the full power of the dark side. Wrapping his fingers around the back of a chair, he narrowed his eyes. If he helped his mother with this battle, he wouldn’t be able to demand neutrality. He wouldn’t be able to stay on the sidelines ever again. Closing his eyes, he drew in a deep breath. 

“I didn’t want to get involved.” He glared at her. 

Leia took a step toward him. “You wouldn’t have been able to stay out of it for long, Ben. You would’ve been pulled in. Forced to join a side. I’m just glad I got to you before Snoke.”

He shoved from the chair and faced her. “You didn’t get to me before Snoke. He’s in my head, Mother! He’s whispered to me for days, years about joining him!”

“You didn’t join him.” Leia placed a hand on his face. “You’re here.”

Ben closed his eyes, drawing in the warmth of her touch. His fingers curled into fists at his sides. Anger boiled within him, but he tamped it down. He opened his eyes and held her gaze.

“Snoke told me he can tell me about my legacy.” He whispered, his voice hitched. “He can tell me about my grandfather.”

Leia shook her head. “No, Ben. He’s trying to manipulate you. I should’ve told you about your grandfather, but I couldn’t bring myself to remember that man.”

Ben pushed from her and stepped around her. He glared at the door to his room. It didn’t matter who told him, how they told him. He doubted he’d get the entire picture, the whole story. Even what Snoke had told him so far might have been a half-truth. Gritting his teeth, he looked back at his mother. 

“I’ll help you this one time, but I want a guarantee you’ll let me go back to Nithian.” He growled as he faced her. “Do not come looking for me again.”

Leia blinked at him, her eyes filled with both anger and sadness. “I can’t do that, Ben.”

Snarling, he stalked out of his room. His mother called after him, but he ignored her. He’d find his way back to Nithian. Even if he had to steal a ship to do it.


End file.
